The main idea of the author’s view is that people are different! You can’t say that they are odd just because of the differences and if so, then you are odd too! People deserve to be respected for what they are. It’s a good start if you know who you are and know your image in others’ eyes. You can’t change yourself, however, at least you know your weaknesses and you know how to hold others the least harmful by keeping the best distance with others. “Harm” can be anything mentally that makes others feel uncomfortable or sad.
Then the next step for you is to understand others, understand who they are, understand the differences, understand why some people have a kind of excessive cleanliness while you are proud of your spontaneousness without knowing that some of your small surprises of uninvited visits make these reserved people uncomfortable rather than romantic; you will understand why some people are so sweet while some others sound cold and you happen to fall in love with the latter then you are going starving for a bit more sweetness from your partner. You will understand that love can’t be measured by sweetness; the hidden sweetness is probably the deepest. Your partner can also feel uncomfortable of your excessive sweetness – too feminine in some people’s eyes…
I am an artistic idealist influenced by guardian and rational. I know that meal is important than other idealists do. The author Dr. Keirsey said, “No matter what kind of persons Idealists marry, however, it is not too much to say that they are the best of all the temperaments at creating successful and fulfilling marriages. Their sensitivity, their spirit of cooperation, their ability to communicate their feelings, their passion for their mates, and their desire for deep bonding, their personal warmth and enthusiasm – all these traits work their magic in the Idealists’ relationships.” This is true that the one who mates with idealist is happy, however, on the other hand, idealist becomes the one who has to put up with all the harm passively. That resulted in my depression and sadness. That’s also how and why I learned from rational how to be rational. That’s why I cherish health and happiness over the rest.
If you’re interested in knowing your temperament, please simply take this quiz.
November 27, 2009 at 3:32 pm -
Your letter was the perfect thing for me at this time in my life. Thank you for taking the time to write such a heartfelt piece.
Ever since I can remember, I have always had a curiosity for this deep inner knowing of “Self”. This all consuming and magnificent obsession has driven me to find new answers about human behavior. I recently ran across the “Please Understand Me 2” book and found that I was a Champion/Healer Idealist temperament.
I am struggling at the moment with a similar feeling of loneliness and alienation. I live in one of the most conservative and traditional areas in the country and find myself constantly curious about others behavior.
I ended up marrying a traditional Provider Guardian and have just really realized that I have tried to change her for the last 7 years of our marriage. I am deeply longing for connection and a “soul mate”, an understanding and a genuine sense that I am known (as described in the Idealist mates profile).
How do I deal with the fact that the person I am with doesn’t understand or maybe even isn’t possible of understanding what I am longing for in a connection with her? When I bring it up or try to communicate in any way it is perceived that we are just different and maybe not meant for each other.
I am at a loss and feel like you may have some insights about relationships dealing with this sort of dilemma. Specifically, about the internal struggles of the Idealist understanding the specific temperament of their mates, but resentful that their perceived notion cannot reciprocate the understanding. I guess what I want to know is, what do we do now that we know more about ourselves and the motivations that drive our sense of self. How can I address the loneliness?
November 27, 2009 at 3:32 pm -
Loneliness is probably a lifelong feeling being with you. Only other like-minded people are possible of understanding you. Try to make friends with those who are like you.
December 4, 2009 at 10:34 am -
good article as usual!