Of course narcissists also have other traits, but I see them as minor ones; they may help you spot a narcissist, however, they are not vital enough to convince you to stay far away from them.
No one is perfect; we are not sages but humans, and the following mentioned, in my humble opinion, is OK to get along with.
1. a narcissist has fantasies of doing something great or being famous, and often expects to be treated as if these fantasies had already come true. (my note: that’s probably why they do succeed finally)
2. a narcissist has very little interest in what other people are thinking or feeling, unless he or she wants something from them. (my note: you also do want something from them, do you?)
3. a narcissist is a name dropper. (my note: not only narcissists are name droppers)
4. To a narcissist it is very important to live in the right place and associate with the right people. (my note: everyone does)
5. a narcissist takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals. (my note: do you not?)
6. a narcissist often feels put upon when asked to take care of his or her responsibilities to family, friends, or work group. (my note: not really; they are probably the most responsible people, but, it’s also correct that they don’t trust people)
7. a narcissist regularly disregards rules or expects them to be changed because he or she is in some way special. (my note: when it happens, just neglect them)
8. a narcissist becomes irritated when other people don’t automatically do what he or she wants them to do, even when they have a good reason for not complying. (my note: this one is somewhat similar to “poor loser” rule, however, if you choose to stay, just comply)
9. a narcissist reviews sports, art, and literature by telling you what he or she would have done instead. (my note: you just need to listen and this may challenge your imagination)
10. a narcissist thinks most criticisms of him or her are motivated by jealousy. (my note: so don’t criticize)
11. a narcissist regards anything short of worship to be rejection. (my note: this one is similar to admiration rule)
12. a narcissist suffers from a congenital inability to recognize his or her own mistakes. On the rare occasions that he / she does recognize a mistake, even the slightest error can precipitate a major depression. (my note: if it’s a congenital inability then forget it; to prevent them from being depressed and meanwhile keep yourself from being depressed, either you keep distance or are determined to sacrifice yourself)
13. a narcissist often explains why people who are better known than he or she is not really all that great. (my note: storyteller)
14. a narcissist often complains of being mistreated or misunderstood. (my note: he / she might be right; you are not able to fully understand him / her, including his / her congenital inability, until you read this)
15. People either love or hate the narcissist. (my note: what about you?)
Who will fall in love with a narcissist? Interestingly, a paranoid partner. Why? Simply, the paranoid partner has low self-confidence, therefore, he / she will admire a narcissist and show the most admiration and far more than the rest of the world, and this satisfies the narcissist so well. When a narcissist meets a paranoid partner, admiration need meets infatuation, the narcissism and the paranoia can never be cured.
So a narcissistic or paranoid partner will love a narcissist, and others will hate.
Tags: Narcissist, Relationship Advice
My responses to several of the traits are based on a marriage to a Narcissist for 15 years.
1. Many famous people are narcissists, but not all narcissists succeed. Some narcissists just want to be successful in their parent's eyes. Some narcissists are just trying to fill the expectations of others.
2. Everyone wants something from other people, however healthy people want something is usually benign. Narcissists have interest in others ONLY when they have something to gain from the other person. And what they want is strictly for their own edificaion.
4. Everyone does to varying degrees. A narcissist may need to work for the right company or have the most important job.
5. Similar to my comment to #2. Narcissists take advantage of others and uses them selfishly. A narcissist will usually only help someone else if the narcissist will gain from that exchange (eg the approval of a potential mate, the approval of their manager, or parent). Most others will help out of compassion, not expecting anything in return.
6. Again, narcissists will do something for others including family, friends, or work group if they will selfishly gain from the act. They will especially do something when that good deed is being observed. It will help them score points.
7. Narcissists treat others as though the rules (of society, or of a group) do not apply to them. Eg: not obeying company rules because doing so would take too much time or be inconvenient, staying faithful to their spouse, “little people pay tazes”, “people at my level (VP) don’t have to sign into the company activity center because we are too important”.
8. if one doesn’t comply, some experience the silent treatment or some other form of punishment. Narcissists keeps others in their company to serve their needs: run errands, pick up take out dinners. If these people dont comply consistenly and they dont serve any other purpose in their life, they will be punished or told to leave.
9. Narcissists are the experts, don’t forget!
12. Narcissists feed off of being correct and having all the answers. They want others to think they are experts and can do no wrong. If you disagree you will most likely regret your comments. Not all narcissists spiral into depression. Some just retreat further into their fantasy land.
16. Many narcissists are VERY charming people – beware of these people. Think Jim Jones and The People’s Temple, many politicans too and unfortunately even pastors in legitimate religions.
I feel like my husband is a narcissist, but can't be sure. He obsesses over the college where he graduated and everything that he associates with. He displays everything related to his college's name so he can visibly see the name when he passes by it. He speaks to himself (pretends to be an announcer at one of his college's games), he speaks in third person always ("Daddy loves you", "You need to love your husband", etc.), can't apologize (if when that miracle happens, it is only spoken as, "My bad". He has to be forced to apologize and does so in a rage. He has a spoiled brat attitude, deserving and entitled. He displays overwhelming pride for his relatives, his childhood, friends, etc., as long as that pride is a direct association to who "he thinks" he is. He is right, never wrong and will pass blame or avoid anything that denys him that glory (which happens to be me!). He once said that the reason all my boyfriends broke up with me was because they weren't going to put up with me. He wasn't even around at the time I dated the other guys, how would he know this? Furthermore, I broke up with the majority of the guys I dated and had never even discussed this with him. Narcissistic telephathy, I guess!
Am I off the mark or does he seem to be narcissistic? I'm at a loss here.
Thank you.