We all make mistakes, don’t we? But with a narcissist (I will try to use more “a narcissist” instead of “narcissists”, because obviously “one” is way enough), you should never make a mistake. It sounds good in some way in that, with such a narcissist, you will be or at least close to the perfect person, however, as a narcissist, he/she will never admit to any mistakes.
It’s not that narcissists don’t make mistakes; on the contrary, they make the same number of mistakes as anyone else, or even worse, when they deny their mistake and insist they are correct, they may end up with the wrong decisions.
Whenever there is a mistake, the narcissist will blame you, but never accept blame himself / herself, even if the fault is obviously his / hers.
How will you deal with this? I suggest that you never argue with a narcissist over who is wrong if you do want to be with him / her, since you will never win and the arguing never helps solve problems. It really doesn’t matter who admits to being wrong, because in the narcissist’s heart, he / she senses who is wrong (he / she is super smart don’t forget). You should be the most broadminded to contain a narcissist if you do want to stay with him / her. Sometimes it’s real tough, in that, he / she will keep blaming you till he / she is exhausted; it’s better for you to take it as if he / she was actually blaming himself / herself if this helps.
Anyway, it’s your decision whether to keep a love relationship with a narcissist or not. The above is just my humble suggestion; to most people it would be mental torture to act on this suggestion.
January 12, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Great advice… EVER argue with a narcissist. You can’t get them to be reasonable, fair, kind, decent, or loving (much less force them to tell the truth or take any responsibility for their actions or bad behavior.) As someone who grew up surrounded by highly educated, over achieving N’s (mother, father, older sister) I know firsthand that the only thing that results from arguing with an N is that you will get very hurt, very confused, rather frustrated and angry, and feel completely crazy yourself. (Which to them is a win over you). You are playing a game (and it is a game!) that they invented for themselves to win… and they WILL win, have no doubt. Facts don’t matter to them… truth doesn’t matter to them…YOU don’t matter to them (beyond what strokes their ego or serves their own selfish interests…)
The whole gist of being an N seems to be that nothing matters more to them than thier own self image. And those self images have nothing to do with any actual reality… Arguing with them is never going to alter that, no matter how much you want to believe that there is a good person “somewhere in there DEEP DEEP down”. Save yourself a trip to the rubber room…
Thanks for the post!
September 24, 2013 at 1:42 pm
Living with the narcissist is like digging your own grave. Slow death would fit perfectly too, even death is like a small word, the pain which own need to go through is worst like dying 100 times or more over living life in a cell called hell. Egocentric people are pretty dangerous species around, the soon you will get rid of them the better life you could live ahead. But I know it’s easy to say and how painful is to actually experience this pain and how difficult is to get out of this. We have got one life, why to survive life in a living hell. It’s better to get out of this and make your life bright enough to set an example to other people who are undergoing same trauma and pain.