You have a problem. Not YOU. Your problem is HIM. I’ve been around a long time, I’m good about understanding psychology. His answers to you are SO apparent to me. I’ve been through the cheating husband. I’ve been through raising kids! I’ve seen politicians and lawyers use these methods/tactics/excuses/detours. They are the same type of answers used by people in Many, Many situations when they are trying to hide something. He is trying to shift blame, even though you haven’t accused him of anything yet. He is trying to make You feel bad about doubting him. In fact, you will be able to tell his amount of guilt by the answers he gives you…
You: “Who’s Jill?” Him: “Just a girl in my math class. We hang out sometimes.” Not much to worry about.
You: “Who’s Jill?” Him: “No one. Why? Are you examining my Facebook again?” Hmm. I hear some guilt. He’s trying to make you feel like you are the one doing something wrong. Another tactic here is to aim the conversation in another direction so you get off topic. Something like “Why do you always make a mountain out of a molehill?” hoping the conversation will become You instead of Jill.
You: “Who’s Jill?” Him: “God. Are you examining my Facebook again? Who’s Bill? Who’s Bob? Do I ask you every time you talk to a guy? No. I TRUST you! Give me a break.” Whoa. He’s going a little over the deep end in answering an innocent question, isn’t he! Something’s going on that he feels very guilty about. Best thing to do now is say “Wow. That was a strange answer. You’re sounding guilty. Please tell me what’s going on.” His response will be to get mad at you, accuse you of jealousy, and because he feels like he has been found out, he will try to hide. Expect the date or conversation to end abruptly. (And if you’re wise, you won’t ever answer the phone again when he calls.)
You: “Who’s Jill?” Him: “My God, you are such a jealous person! I don’t know why I put up with it! You’re probably Doing It with guys every weekend when you stay at school!” OK. Shock Treatment. You’ve got a cheater who feels guilty and is just grasping at anything that will make you back off. (If you stay in a relationship after a response or accusation like this, you are asking for abuse. You will be taken advantage of and lied to all your life. Please have the dignity and courage to walk away. If you respect yourself, others will know that you demand respect.)
(I didn’t read the date that you had this problem! I’m probably way too late. But it is good advice for you for the rest of your life, especially when raising kids!)
April 20, 2010 at 7:29 am -
What if there’s no Facebook? What if you are not on each other’s Facebook? What if there’s no game?
Your bf and you are best friends. Do you think it’s better if you are just best friends? What if you are just best friends?
Apparently your bf is addicted to Facebook, game and play.
It’s hard to give out advice. If you are just best friends, this won’t hurt you; because you care about him, this hurts you.
Remove each other from Facebook temporarily. What do you think?
He wants to play; let him play.
You have your own life. Some day you will find the answer when you don’t think about him too much.
Frankly, sometimes I have such a question on my mind: why do we date? If not, there are fewer relationship problems.
October 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm -
You have a problem. Not YOU. Your problem is HIM. I’ve been around a long time, I’m good about understanding psychology. His answers to you are SO apparent to me. I’ve been through the cheating husband. I’ve been through raising kids! I’ve seen politicians and lawyers use these methods/tactics/excuses/detours. They are the same type of answers used by people in Many, Many situations when they are trying to hide something. He is trying to shift blame, even though you haven’t accused him of anything yet. He is trying to make You feel bad about doubting him. In fact, you will be able to tell his amount of guilt by the answers he gives you…
You: “Who’s Jill?”
Him: “Just a girl in my math class. We hang out sometimes.”
Not much to worry about.
You: “Who’s Jill?”
Him: “No one. Why? Are you examining my Facebook again?”
Hmm. I hear some guilt. He’s trying to make you feel like you are the one doing something wrong. Another tactic here is to aim the conversation in another direction so you get off topic. Something like “Why do you always make a mountain out of a molehill?” hoping the conversation will become You instead of Jill.
You: “Who’s Jill?”
Him: “God. Are you examining my Facebook again? Who’s Bill? Who’s Bob? Do I ask you every time you talk to a guy? No. I TRUST you! Give me a break.”
Whoa. He’s going a little over the deep end in answering an innocent question, isn’t he! Something’s going on that he feels very guilty about. Best thing to do now is say “Wow. That was a strange answer. You’re sounding guilty. Please tell me what’s going on.” His response will be to get mad at you, accuse you of jealousy, and because he feels like he has been found out, he will try to hide. Expect the date or conversation to end abruptly. (And if you’re wise, you won’t ever answer the phone again when he calls.)
You: “Who’s Jill?”
Him: “My God, you are such a jealous person! I don’t know why I put up with it! You’re probably Doing It with guys every weekend when you stay at school!”
OK. Shock Treatment. You’ve got a cheater who feels guilty and is just grasping at anything that will make you back off. (If you stay in a relationship after a response or accusation like this, you are asking for abuse. You will be taken advantage of and lied to all your life. Please have the dignity and courage to walk away. If you respect yourself, others will know that you demand respect.)
(I didn’t read the date that you had this problem! I’m probably way too late. But it is good advice for you for the rest of your life, especially when raising kids!)
Good luck,
Ellen