Basically I’ve been in love with the same guy for the last 3 years of my life. I’m turning 18 in may and I know I’m still young but I can see myself spending my life with him. Things were amazing at the start of our relationship. He was my prince charming, and still is my sweetheart. He is the only person I’ve actually had strong feelings for. We were doing great for about 8 months.
One day before our anniversary we broke up and it was really hard to deal with. I missed him like crazy but I still left my window of availability open. I wasn’t closing off my romantic life completely even though all I could think about was how much I missed him. We ended up getting back together a few months later and things were great but we started to fight.
We decided to take some time apart again. We’ve been seeing each other off and on again for about half a year. He says he doesn’t want us to date because he can’t just break up with me, its to hard to leave me hurting, I know it sounds like a player move but I can tell that he is just trying to be honest with me. He always ends up coming back to me when we are apart, saying he misses me like crazy, and one particular time was when he started dating this girl.
They dated for about 3-4 months and he kept coming to me saying he missed me, and when he was with her all he could do was think about me. They ended up breaking up but the problem is that they did have sex together and other than her I’m the only person he has been with and he is the only person I’ve ever been with. It stung to find out this but I accepted it because it’s not like I could tell him what to do when we weren’t together.
We decided to see each other again and things were going good until we started fighting again. One night he ended up having sex with her. It hurt so bad to find out what happened the previous night. I’m not an emotional person, and I don’t think any of my friends have ever really seen me cry but I had to go to work that day, and I kept having to leave till because I couldn’t help but cry. It hurt so much to know that this man that I love so much could cheat on me ( we weren’t dating but it might have well been called that)
He said he would make it up in any way he could, he felt bad that he hurt me so much. I decided to forgive him for what he did, people make mistakes but I have tried and tried for months to make myself believe that I trust him. But to be honest my trust was shattered that day. I still believe that he is a really good guy but now a part of me is always worried. Not that he is going to go out and sleep with a whole bunch of random girls but that the girl that he cheated on me with is still one of his best friends, which means that I have to see her when I hang out with him.
I’ve never felt hatred for someone like I do towards her. She stole what was mine, she took the one great secret that I felt I only knew, it was a great feeling until it was broken down. My mind goes crazy all the time that stuff could happen because it could at any moment. Should I be wrong for feeling this way?
He broke my trust and I try my best to be alright with her but I can’t help but wish she would just up and disappear. I hate her guts and I doubt that’ll ever change. I know he tells me that I’m the only one but my mind goes crazy. I think about what happened. Maybe I’m just crazy but they did have a relationship at one point, and he did have feelings for her, maybe his feelings for her are gone, but at the same time when you’re attracted to someone that attraction doesn’t just go away and that’s what worries me the most.
They are good friends and I don’t have the right to tell him to take her out of his life even though that would make things so much easier. He is worth so much to me, and he is worth fighting for. I want to trust him again, fully trust him. I want to fully appreciate him again like I used to and I think that can work but do you think that we should even try things over again? Every time we spend time apart I miss him so much and I feel happiest when he is in my life. I think that things would be alot easier in a relationship, it would give me the ability to trust him again.
I’m just hurt by the things he thought about me. That maybe his life is better if I’m just not in it again. I can see myself having a life with him, and I would love to make that possible but things are so confusing that I have no clue which direction I should take with him this time.