Is there really a need to ask permission from your kids to date someone? Well, if you are one of those single parents out there who are looking for some inputs that will enlighten them to have a successful relationship without sacrificing the happiness of their kids, then this article is for you. So, is it really necessary for you to ask permission from your kids to go out on a date?
On Single Parents and Dating: Dealing With The Facts
Some say that single parents are among the strongest persons in the world. Of course, being a single parent means you face great challenges in your life. Although you have suffered a tremendous heartbreak after a divorce or a serious relationship, you need to be strong for the sake of your kids. In spite of your heartaches and problems, you need to put up a happy disposition and portray a happy life in front of your kids.
However, being a single parent doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to fall in love and be happy again. Basically, as mere mortals, human beings feel the longing for happiness in the arms of a loved one. Truth to tell, single parents give all their love and attention to their children; but, deep within, they are also longing for someone to love and care for them. You feel this way, too, don’t you? Well, there is no law which prohibits a single parent to date. This simply means you are free to date anybody you like.
But, the circumstances are no longer the same as when you were still single with no obligation – or “excess baggage” as some people are wont to call it. Single parents need to consider their kids on this issue. You might take it as an ordinary “dating” matter; but, it has a great impact on your kids. Children with divorced or single parents also deal with some emotional issues. Of course, 99% of the children whose parents are divorced wish to see their parents together again and live as a happy and complete family. Thus, if they will see you dating another man or woman, there’s a possibility that they will start to behave and act negatively or downright reject the idea.
The Significance of Your Child’s Permission
Dating is a serious matter. It has a major impact on your kids. Children who come from a broken home or who have been raised by a single parent have a greater tendency of becoming more possessive and jealous. If they see you dating, they will start to think that you will soon become unavailable for them and might be leaving them in the near future. In addition, they will notice that you are spending some time with your special someone, which will make them think that you will eventually be spending more time with that other person and will have lesser time for them and that they are no longer important to you.
They will tend to believe that their parents (either mother or father) are being taken away from them by someone who’s unfamiliar to them.
So, why the need to ask permission from your kids to date? Consider these reasons and the following tips to act on them:
Respect their emotions.
Asking permission or getting their opinion simply means one thing; your kids are important to you. Of course, you should not ambush your kids with a fragile statement like “I’m going out on a date tonight.” Such statement will surely shock and upset your kids. You might think of keeping it as a secret; but, what if your kids will see you one day with that man or woman? That will definitely be undesirable for them.
Involve them in your decision making.
It’s always best to include your children in your decision-making about dating. If you think that they are not yet ready for that, take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into things. Be careful with your decisions on this matter as this will make or break your family again. You might have a new husband but you might also lose your kids.
Get to know their perspectives.
Adults and kids have different perspectives on many things, especially with regards to dating. For sure, single parents who are dating a special someone will feel like it is a new beginning for them. You will feel the happiness and love that you have been longing for from the opposite sex. However, from the point of view of your kids, seeing their mom or dad dating somebody else (aside from their biological father or mother) is uncomfortable and sometimes frustrating. A number of questions will pop into their heads, like what will happen if my mom or dad re-marries? What will happen to me? As a result, they will think and act in undesirable ways just to get your attention.
If you will just consider your kids’ perspective on this issue, you will surely see the brighter side of the situation. Then, you will be able to handle things accordingly, without having to choose between a new partner and your children. It is already a well-known fact that your children must always come first. So, always keep in mind that parenting is more important than dating.