According to DivorceRate.org, approximately 40 to 50 percent of today’s marriages will end in divorce. That equates to a lot of single people – single people who might be a little disillusioned with the idea of couple-hood. Being divorced doesn’t mean you have to forego relationships altogether (even if you are feeling a little burned); it just means that, when you are ready to jump back into the dating saddle, you might want to proceed with a little more caution. So, just what should you look for in potential date partners? Here is a guide to dating post-divorce:
How serious are you?
If you are recently divorced, then chances are you need a cooling off period before you get all hot and heavy with a new beau. On the other hand, if you have had ample time to recover from the loss of your marriage (and some people take longer than others), then you might be ready to try your hand at another serious relationship. Consider where you are at in regards to healing from your divorce in order to determine just how serious you should be about your dating experiences. You may be dating just to have fun or you may be looking for a new partner; only you know what’s best for you, deep-down.
Assess what went wrong in your marriage.
A failed marriage is very rarely just one person’s fault, and sometimes it’s no one’s fault – rather, it just wasn’t meant to be. Sizing up the components of your marriage that didn’t work can help you recognize what you should avoid in potential dating partners. For example, if your previous spouse’s ultra-busy social life was a regular source of stress in your marriage, then you should probably stick to dating people with less active social lives.
Determine what you want out of a new relationship.
In addition to identifying just how serious you are about the prospect of entering into a new relationship with someone you date, you also need to take inventory of what’s truly important to you in this stage of your life. As a divorcee, you are advantaged in that you’ve had the opportunity to realize what doesn’t work for you; use that knowledge as a basis for deciding what WILL work for you.
Where do you want to be in your life?
A healthy relationship should elevate your quality of life to a new level. The best way to partner with people who match up with your goals is to put some serious thought into where you want to be in your life. Remove anyone else from the mental picture and think about you – just you. Focus on fulfilling your personal life goals and you will naturally gravitate toward dating partners who compliment those goals.
Dating post-divorce can be a scary prospect. However, it can also be a rewarding experience, given you approach the process with realistic expectations. The trick is to do your homework before you call that dating service, and then put one foot in front of the other until you are where you want to be.
About the Author: Tommye Bruess is a divorced father of 2 and has just recently reentered the world of dating. He stresses how important it is to know your own goals before you start using a dating service or talking to new people.