Ever wonder why some relationships work, and others don’t?
Experts have long said that our past—childhood experiences, involvement with certain events, education, and upbringing, etc, has a lot to do with our future relationships. What we’re exposed to in the past certainly says a lot about how we react to certain things in the future.
This brings us to one question: is our parents’ relationship to blame for our failed relationships? Has their divorce traumatized us that we’re doomed to fail in our own love lives?
Would we have fared better had our parents been happily married?
Honestly? Not really. What you’ll find out below is that no matter what kind of marriage you were exposed to as a child, there’s still a chance that you’re going to have bad future relationships—and it’s not because of your parents. It’s because of you and how you coped with their situation.
If your parents are divorced …
There’s a chance that you think that relationships have expiration dates—and breaking up is inevitable. With every man you date, you probably think, “Hmmm … I’ll give it a year or two.” You’re quite pessimistic and always think that everything is temporary. You probably don’t even want to get married at all, not wanting to relive that ugly, messy divorce that you and your family had to go through.
If your parents always fought …
Your parents probably never got a divorce, but they always fought in front of you. Perhaps you have this notion fighting is a way of life—it’s how people in relationships communicate. And you won’t stop fighting with your partner. Your parents didn’t. If they did, you think, maybe they wouldn’t still be together, right?
If your parents put a façade, but were never really happy …
You’re likely to believe in keeping up appearances and sweeping everything under the rug. You don’t believe in arguing. You always keep things in check and controlled. Your partner finds this stifling, because he can never be himself with you. Every relationship ends up in separation because you could never really talk about how each one of you feels.
If your parents were deeply in love and happily married …
You probably think getting married is the be all and end all of all relationships. You make it your goal to have a life as happy as your parents’. You believe in compromising, even if it means sacrificing a lot about yourself and what you want, just so you keep your partner happy. You give up your life—your career, your friends, your interests—just so you keep you and your partner together. After all, isn’t that what your mom did?
No matter what kind of relationship your parents have—happy or not, there’s still a chance that your future relationships are doomed. Because it isn’t your experience or past circumstances that define your future—it’s how you cope with your past and how you deal with it today.
It’s whether you learned something significant from these relationships and worked on yourself—it’s about taking responsibility for your own actions. Ultimately, you are responsible for your future—not your parents. You are what you make of your future.