My husband cheated on me two years ago with a close friend of mine. It was a one time ordeal. However, he lied to me about it for over a year. I knew something had happened, but not what. I asked him over and over. He would tell me the same lie. Every word was exact. I consider this evidence that he is a good liar.
I have known him for over ten years. We have a young child together. He didn’t tell me about the affair. A mutual friend told me. He confessed when I told him I knew. When I found out, it was six months before we were to be married. I still married him. I love him and I want our family to stay together.
It has been one year since I found out. I have cut female friends from my life. I am reluctant to befriend any females at all. And if he is friends with a woman, I go psycho on her and tell her to leave us alone.
My husband get frustrated with me and wants me to just get over this. I am still having a hard time with it. I don’t know what to do. We can’t afford counseling. Am I wrong to not be over this yet? It was a one time fling, but I think it’s the fact that he wasn’t ever planning on telling me and lying for over a year that is so hard to get over. I don’t think he understands this, because I have told him over and over.
– Laurie Welch
Min Min says:
January 4, 2011 at 8:32 am
Yes, you do need counseling, but I’ll see what I can help.
Let’s assume that as you said he’s a liar, so what’re you gonna deal with this? Do you want to leave him? What do you want from him? What do you want him to do? What can he do to make you feel better? What do you want?
It seems you rely on him and you’re not the type who would choose to leave him. What you need to do is not to hurt yourself. You’re hurting yourself. If this family is important for you and if you want to keep him, you must get this over.
You married him when you knew the truth. It means, for you, this is your choice to accept him, to forgive him. At that time you already knew he lied, but you made the choice. It means you value family over other issues.
You chose to stay with him when you knew he lied, but not when he didn’t lie, you gave him a second chance and forgave him. If you left him at that time, there would be no this issue.
Since you chose him it tells us that he has other virtues. He’s such a person. Do you accept him as he is?
If you go psycho on other women, you’re making things worse. It shows you’re not forgiving him and not giving him the second chance at all.