ChoiceFriend vs. LoverI would like to sum up the topics we discussed about one by one in great detail.
Today's topic is: Choice
There are different kinds of choices: the choice between friend and lover, parents and lover, two women / men, friendship and love etc.
Today we focus on the choice between friend and lover.
To solve the relationship issues, there are two major breakthroughs: one is the way how to deal with the
relationships with each party; the other one is the
personality of each party.
Love has three major steps:
1. Fall in love;
2. Test love;
3. Love lasting or love ends.
The two related cases we will refer to when we address this topic are under
Bestfriend vs. Lover menu.
If you love someone but you have never expressed your love even if you suppose that you both love each other, then it's not yet a love relationship; in this case, if a third party occurs, you will be quite passive. This is a typical
Shy Guy issue we will address later. Therefore, the boy in
Best friend vs. girlfriend case is in a "passive voice".
Regardless of the boy's being passive, let's assume that the girl and him are in a love relationship when the other boy occurs. The followings are the chances when we follow our "relationship breakthrough rule" mentioned above:
1. The boy talks to the girl and asks her if she loves him or the third party. (It's a must, otherwise, the boy will fall into the "passive shy guy" pattern again) If the girl says that she loves the third party, then the boy can have two different reactions (this falls into our "personality breakthrough rule"):
one is relatively narrowminded, to try all his best to disallow this to happen by all means (beg her, prohibit their connection etc.) The successful rate is 50% or less. The successful part may be that their feeling will be gone due to disconnection, however, it doesn't mean your feeling will definitely be kept or deeper. The risk is that the girl may be negative against your "force". Remember, even if she doesn't love the third party anymore, this doesn't definitely mean that she will still love you, while you take the risk in losing a friend at the same time. To win one's heart you become a true winner.
The other one is more broadminded, to
set her free. If she does love the other boy then she's not yours; if she comes back, then she is yours.
Always remember the three love steps. The girl falls in love with the other boy. It's understandable. You have been together since KJ and the new boy's appearing is of course refreshing. Just watch out their "love steps" and see the result.
We can fall in love more than once, twice in our life. It's not embarrassing. Some love is tested well and becomes lasting, therefore, the lover naturally excludes the idea of falling in love again; some love is failed during the test, however, during the love the lover still excludes the idea of falling in love again till the love is gone. Hence, we don't fall in love every day. People when they lost love they always believe that they will never fall in love again and keep their being deeply sad mood until some day love does find them again.
Sometimes when people are tied to an unhappy relationship, they will always complain that they are not as lucky as their friend who finds his / her true love, nevertheless, they aren't aware if they don't finish their ongoing relationship, it's very hard for them to find true love.
A person's "quality" is something; his / her feeling is something else. We morally respect our present relationship, nonetheless, if for any reason, we are attracted to someone else for a moment, it's human. Feeling is what naturally rises on our mind which we are unable to control its rise; to respect your current partner is a quality we are able to meet.
Back to "set her free". Remember to win one's heart is true art. Be broadminded when she comes back. This simply means that their love is failed during the test, while your love is tested when all you need to work on might be bring more freshness into your relationship.
2. Don't forget your friend. Friend and lover, who is more important? It depends. If the lover is your true lover, of course she is more important, otherwise, friend is not less important. It happens that friends say goodbye due to a boy or a girl; it happens more often that lovers say goodbye to each other with or without a reason; what is more, it happens too often that friends are forever!
Don't forget to talk to your friend if you both fall for a girl. Friendship also needs to be tested! Talk to your friend that you love the girl. Tell your friend that you cherish your friendship and meanwhile your love for her. Tell your friend that you welcome fair competition. Tell your friend that regardless of the result you always take him as your friend. In this way, you secure a true friend and if luckier, a true lover; or you secure a true friend, luckily, don't keep a relationship with a "false" lover; or the "friend" is not your friend if he betrays you or if he refuses your fair competition or if he leaves when he "loses". You have nothing worthy to lose; you have everything worthy to gain.
In
Boyfriend likes bestfriend case, the girl's distrust is already a hint of their potential problem. "Trust" is also another topic we will discuss in the future.
Plus, when you have to face the truth that your lover fall in love with someone else or simply doesn't love you anymore, it's the toughest and most popular topic we need to help with. We will also address it in the future.
There are a couple of reasons that may cause relationship failure: the non-compatible personalities, fall in love and out of love at different paces, or no reason at all ...
We will discuss them further. Come back or participate in the discussion with us!
Labels: Advice, Bestfriend-vs-Lover, Choice
