Trouble trusting boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year 8 months now. I'm still having trouble trusting him. He's gave me a million reasons for me to trust him. Even his friends told me he is the most faithful person they know. In my past relationships I've been cheated on many of times. When he goes out, I always ask him questions like "were there girls there? did they touch you? did u flirt with them?" It's tearing us apart. We both want to be together for the rest of our lives. We recently had a conversation about this whole trust issue and we almost broke up over it. He told me that if we have to have this conversation again its over. Please help, our relationship is a stake because of me. I want to be able to trust him, I just have a mental block in my head. I suppose I'm doing this to protect myself from getting hurt again. That's probably why I ask all those questions.

Thank you,
Kalena Lawson

Boyfriend vs Dad n Mum

Hi all, im a 16 year old girl and have been with my boyfiend 4years! yeah along time i know but we love the hell outta each other, we have our ups and downs but who doesnt? lol. the situation is my mum and dad really dislike him because of what he has done to me in the past but i have forgiven him for that and we have both moved on. My choices are to move out and have nothing to do with my parents or forget my boyfriend and the four years and do what my mum and dad want me to do...finish with my boyfiend and stay with them. Im in such a dilemma coz its so hard to choose coz its my family and boyfriend...? anyone any advice...please !!! xox

- Liv X

Out of Love

Recently my girlfriend started working in a bar and I have barely seen her since. I prophesied at the time that she would fall out of love with me and fall in love with one of her barmen purely because of the amount of time she spent there. Exactly this has happened and she told me she has fallen out of love and 3 days later she is in bed with her barman saying she loves him. What should I do? Is this it? I love her.

- Sam

Boyfriend Changed

I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now. Things were great when we started going out for the first 3 months at least. We broke up for about 1 month but we were always together during it. When we started going back out things were great he treated me better than ever, but then things started to change. He never wants to be around me and we always fight. when he started to live with me, things just got worse. He threatens to break up with me all the time, or leave me. He calls me names and says Im a crazy bitch because I wanna talk to him instead of fighting. He never keeps his promises. Im starting to become really depressed. I dont know what to do.

- gina

Proposal

My boyfriend and I have been dated for 2 yrs; we always talk abt getting married but he didn't propose even I told him I wish to settle down. He put all his priority to his career so he didn't propose even a few mths later; when I wanted to break up with him, he came n beg me and said he was already planning it but I find my own pride can not take it, as I wish he can be like other man who can give the girlfriend a surprise and fairy tale experience.

Inside my heart I know he has every intention to propose and be with me and he is serious about this relationship. I know the reason he didn't pop the question as soon as I expect is because he is always busy with his job and he usually doesn't have time to plan the proposal. But, whenever I think that as a girl, I have to initiate the proposal I get really angry with myself and with him. I was even contemplating to leave him so that he can feel bad for not taking the lead in this issue. But I also know he is a great guy, a responsible man and someone I want to spend my lifetime with.

- Jane

Desperate Love

I miss her desperately, i can see her in my mind, her smile, her beautiful brown eyes, her hair.. i love her energy she makes me feel higher than any drug could...

When she talks i listen to her every word, her voice is soft and sweet, i love her pronunciation , her accent and the way she uses body language to punctuate her words , i love her.....

It seems so long ago but at the same time only yesterday since i held her in my arm’s, made love to her, Kissed her lips, and fell asleep in her arms, i long for those nights again...

When i saw her last it had been about a month since we didnt see eachother and then, the second she walked into the room i was breathless ... i mean really !! i thought "my god, how are you so perfect?" i would have got down on one Knee for her right then.....

What hurts the most is knowing that she's with someone else, someone who doesnt deserve her, doesnt know what he's got, cant treat her the way she should be, cant give her the thing's that matter, not material stuff, that kind of love where you become a better person because you want to be all you can for her, be there for her in the good times and the bad, share life together, build a future together....

I know she cares, and i think i know she wants it too...

I can see it in her eyes, i can hear it in her voice, in the way she smiles at me, holds my hand...

Its a look she gives of wanting something but can't quite take the step....

I dont know if i should try and give her that push or if i should stand back and let thing's fall where they may....

But i've been hurt by waiting before, if you want someone shouldn’t you fight for them ?? show them how much you truly care about them ?? It’s hard to know....

If happiness is being able to wake up every morning next to the person you love, then i can only say that the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing when i lay down to sleep is you... Mariana, I LOVE YOU.

iad

Boyfriends Ex

I have a Problem with my Boyfriend's ex, she is his highschool sweetheart. They were bestfriends and went out for 4 years. He added her to Facebook, now i think that he is going to cheat on me with her. We've already discussed this and he thinks im making a big deal out of nothing. I just cant get over it though i've thought about talking to his ex but i dont know what i'd say.
I need help Getting over this.

- Jenelle

Trust

Hi, I need some TRUTHFUL advice.
My girlfriend and I met 18 months ago and since then we have been living together for about a year. She has been married six times and has gotten a divorce every time. I have never been married or been in a truly serious relationship until now. We told each other all the things that two people say when they are passionately in love. We discussed everything in our lives with each other and made plans and decisions for a permanent relationship. I even gave up my job so we could work around hers, since her job was more established and secure. There are many other things that were discussed that I could include in this message but it would be too long.
Now, she wants to give up on this relationship without telling me all the TRUTHFUL reasons why. I expressed to her from the very beginning that her relationship track record was bad and that I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time that I met her, but the fact that we both agreed this relationship was for real and we could commit to it, we decided to RISK it.
My values are the most important thing to me and TRUST is at the very top of the list, which I expressed to her. How can someone be so cruel to fake a relationship, committment, and LOVE? She tells me that she will LOVE me forever, no matter what happens, but why should I believe her. She has already broken my TRUST. It's not the fact she has broken this trust that frustrates, it's the fact that I can't TRUST what she tells me anymore. Am I fighting a loosing battle? I hate to walk away from something that I put so much effort and sacrifice into. She has some serious isssues that she needs to work on, and we have discussed them, but for whatever reason, she wants to end the relationship.
By the way, she has wanted to end the relationship many times before only to change her mind. Not because she wanted to work on herself or the relationship, but because of the reasons that I still don't know. She has also left once only to call me and wanted to get back together. All of these actions are things that I'm analyzing and trying to come to a decision. There is much more that I could include but I'm hoping someone can give me some advice on what I've written. Thanks for all of your help.

- Mike

New Guy

i need some help. im in a year long relationship with a guy who loves me so much and of course i love him back. 3 months ago we had a 2 month break because I thought I only liked him as a friend. Just before we broke it off i met another guy who was very sweet, shy and caring. Not being up myself, but he seemed to really like me. I'm still not sure if i broke up with my boyfriend because i saw this new guy as something different and, well, "new". Anyway, i became interested during the time i had broken up with my boyfriend. I don't fall for guys very easily and normally not that quick. I know he wasn't a rebound guy either, he was more than that. In the 2 months i was apart from my boyfriend the new guy and i became kind of a couple but without him actually asking me out. We didn't have a sexual relationship but we kissed when no one was looking. One day, he had suddenly made best friends with alot of my girl friends and became more interested in them than me. I was hurt and wanted him to know, so i kind of stopped talking to him as much. The sad thing is, he didn't seem to notice and we drifted apart. After a month, my ex seemed to grow up alot and asked if we could try again. I said yes. A few months after we started going out again, the "new" guy seemed to start talking to me. Of course, i was standoffish after he screwed me over for my friends. And as I hadn't picked him for the dickhead type i was pretty hurt. When he contacted me he didn t seem to want a real friendship. See, id slowly discovered that no one he has ever met has ever disliked him, surely not despised him like i did. And so, i think he was trying to calm the waters a little. Eventually i warmed up to him again... i thought i had gotten over him with my hatred but no.. i still felt for him despite the fact i was back with my boyfriend. Anyway, recently i decided to see him, try a friendship again, partly because i still like him. Turned out the time he spent ignoring me and vice versa, he had changed. ALOT. He'd become a party animal, new friends, implied i was simple and boring because i like picnics and early nights. Its interesting to note that he often msged me drunk telling me he missed me. Only when he was drunk. All other times he never replied to my messages. So anyway, when i DID see him it was kind of disappointing. I couldnt see the sweet, nice, caring guy i had seen all that time ago. When we really started talking he asked if i was still with my boyfriend, i said yes. Then we kind of talked about what had happened to us. I told him i had really liked him. He said he "didn t know what to say"...he seemed generally speechless. After we talked, i messaged him asking if everything was different would i be good enough for him and his new life? He said the simple answer was yes but the problem wasn't simple. he said he needed time to think. later on in the night he sent me a message "you do understand why i didnt kiss you tonight dont you?". i replied. i fell asleep waiting for a message back. i messaged him in the morning and no reply. I messaged him again a week later, just asking how he was. He replied like nothing had really happened. I had told him the nigh ti had seen him that i would never get over him. He hasn't mentioned anything we talked about that night since. I told him i was sick of trying with him and it wasnt worth it anymore. He never replied.


I'm sorry this is an essay and a half...i hope you will take the time to read it. i need help. I dont know if i should cut him out…try and forget him. Tell my boyfriend about him. I feel so bad liking someone else while i am with him. I love my boyfriend though…and i guess i only REALLY LIKE this other guy. But he just seems so awesome despite the fact he has changed. Maybe its just my memory of he was that i want back.

- Rabbit

Happy or Not

Both my partner and me are divorced with two children each. We all get along really well and have the usual relationship up and downs but the other day he kept on asking me, are you sure your happy?
I constantly tell him how happy I am and how much I love him. Why does he doubt my happiness?
Please explain this to me.

- TANJA

Remarry

Well I have been dating a 41 year old who has 2 kids for 2 years, as I am 30 I would like someday to remarry and possibly have another child but he is totally against it. I do love him very much but I told him I needed to go my own way because I have to stick to want I want. Now I met another man 31 with a daughter the same age as my daughter although I haven't developed any feelings for him yet, I think my heart is with the other man. Now the 41 year old says he can't not have me in his life and if marrying me is what it takes well he will have to give in to me. I am so confused now as to which way to turn because I think the 31 year old is my age and our daughters have the same interests, where as the other man's kids are 10 and 6. Please help....

Agnes

In Love

My partner says he loves me, and I asked him if he was in love with me, and he said no. He has been married twice before, and he said he has never been in love with anyone. He has been hurt in the past, and I dont know if this is a barrier he is putting up. I have no doubt he loves me, and he always tells me why didnt we meet years ago. But I am very hurt that he says he is not in love with me.

- Karen

Time

Last time, we talked about the topic "Choice" and focused on the Choice between friend and lover. The result of the two specific cases we discussed is apparent that the lovers have to say goodbye. So before move on to next topic, we need to help with the popular "Love or Not" inquiry first.

As we mentioned in "Friend vs. Lover", there are two major breakthroughs: relationship and personality.

Different personalities react differently. This girl said, if he cheated on you, go kick him. Another one said, make sure that this guy your with treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Don't settle for less. People with such personalities are more likely to get over the pain in a short time.

I sum up this topic in great detail as follows in the hope of helping some other people whose personalities don't allow them to easily get over the pain.

When you have to say goodbye to someone you still love, the situation is always like this: your mind says let him go but your heart says hold on. Please read the following notes carefully and if necessary, over and over again till you feel it helps.

A relationship is where both people give it their all and put everything into it

There are different reasons that we have to say goodbye to our lover, but whatever reason it is, we know that it's the end. This is something you must realize first. If not, no one is able to truly help you. Remember, if hes done it once, he'll do it again and you deserve better than that. It's YOUR life and you only get to live it once.

Timeout

What you have to do is to separate, with no contact, give yourself time to close out that part of your life. Remember, its hard to go through another door when the other door is still open. There are indeed tough situations that for whatever reason you still have to face him every day. If you believe that it's a really hard situation for you to possibly forget him, then sometimes to move to another place may be necessary, depending on your strength. Imagine a life without him. Live a life like you have never met.

Keep yourself busy and meet new people

What you need to do is to hang out with friends, go to movies or parties, do whatever you can to get out of the house or just keep yourself busy and meet new people.

Don't be involved in another relationship too soon

How soon is too soon? It depends on whether you believe that you have passed "timeout" and forget about your ex. To look for comfort from someone else will only hurt you more and even worse it will hurt the person you seek comfort from. This one is as important as the first point, otherwise, no one is able to truly help you out.

It hurts but eventually you will find someone better

Eventually, you'll end up meeting another guy even better than this one that will make you so much more happy. People did find true love and happiness later. You will be thankful to lose him when someone else nicer comes! On the other hand, if he would have stayed then things could have turned out a lot lot worse. This is a statistics-proved conclusion. Again, as we mentioned in "Friends vs. Lover", sometimes when people are tied to an unhappy relationship, they will always complain that they are not as lucky as their friend who finds his / her true love, nevertheless, they aren't aware if they don't finish their ongoing relationship, it's very hard for them to find true love. Remember this!

Time understands love; time also heals wound

Just hang in there, everything will be okay. You just need to give it time. Time heals all wounds and if you just live life to the fullest everything will be alright.

Simply quote two song titles for you: one is from Eragon; the other one is from Bridge to Terabithia.

Keep holding on and Keep your mind wide open!

Friend vs. Lover

Choice

Friend vs. Lover

I would like to sum up the topics we discussed about one by one in great detail.
Today's topic is: Choice
There are different kinds of choices: the choice between friend and lover, parents and lover, two women / men, friendship and love etc.
Today we focus on the choice between friend and lover.

To solve the relationship issues, there are two major breakthroughs: one is the way how to deal with the relationships with each party; the other one is the personality of each party.

Love has three major steps:
1. Fall in love;
2. Test love;
3. Love lasting or love ends.

The two related cases we will refer to when we address this topic are under Bestfriend vs. Lover menu.

If you love someone but you have never expressed your love even if you suppose that you both love each other, then it's not yet a love relationship; in this case, if a third party occurs, you will be quite passive. This is a typical Shy Guy issue we will address later. Therefore, the boy in Best friend vs. girlfriend case is in a "passive voice".

Regardless of the boy's being passive, let's assume that the girl and him are in a love relationship when the other boy occurs. The followings are the chances when we follow our "relationship breakthrough rule" mentioned above:

1. The boy talks to the girl and asks her if she loves him or the third party. (It's a must, otherwise, the boy will fall into the "passive shy guy" pattern again) If the girl says that she loves the third party, then the boy can have two different reactions (this falls into our "personality breakthrough rule"):

one is relatively narrowminded, to try all his best to disallow this to happen by all means (beg her, prohibit their connection etc.) The successful rate is 50% or less. The successful part may be that their feeling will be gone due to disconnection, however, it doesn't mean your feeling will definitely be kept or deeper. The risk is that the girl may be negative against your "force". Remember, even if she doesn't love the third party anymore, this doesn't definitely mean that she will still love you, while you take the risk in losing a friend at the same time. To win one's heart you become a true winner.

The other one is more broadminded, to set her free. If she does love the other boy then she's not yours; if she comes back, then she is yours.

Always remember the three love steps. The girl falls in love with the other boy. It's understandable. You have been together since KJ and the new boy's appearing is of course refreshing. Just watch out their "love steps" and see the result.

We can fall in love more than once, twice in our life. It's not embarrassing. Some love is tested well and becomes lasting, therefore, the lover naturally excludes the idea of falling in love again; some love is failed during the test, however, during the love the lover still excludes the idea of falling in love again till the love is gone. Hence, we don't fall in love every day. People when they lost love they always believe that they will never fall in love again and keep their being deeply sad mood until some day love does find them again.

Sometimes when people are tied to an unhappy relationship, they will always complain that they are not as lucky as their friend who finds his / her true love, nevertheless, they aren't aware if they don't finish their ongoing relationship, it's very hard for them to find true love.

A person's "quality" is something; his / her feeling is something else. We morally respect our present relationship, nonetheless, if for any reason, we are attracted to someone else for a moment, it's human. Feeling is what naturally rises on our mind which we are unable to control its rise; to respect your current partner is a quality we are able to meet.

Back to "set her free". Remember to win one's heart is true art. Be broadminded when she comes back. This simply means that their love is failed during the test, while your love is tested when all you need to work on might be bring more freshness into your relationship.

2. Don't forget your friend. Friend and lover, who is more important? It depends. If the lover is your true lover, of course she is more important, otherwise, friend is not less important. It happens that friends say goodbye due to a boy or a girl; it happens more often that lovers say goodbye to each other with or without a reason; what is more, it happens too often that friends are forever!

Don't forget to talk to your friend if you both fall for a girl. Friendship also needs to be tested! Talk to your friend that you love the girl. Tell your friend that you cherish your friendship and meanwhile your love for her. Tell your friend that you welcome fair competition. Tell your friend that regardless of the result you always take him as your friend. In this way, you secure a true friend and if luckier, a true lover; or you secure a true friend, luckily, don't keep a relationship with a "false" lover; or the "friend" is not your friend if he betrays you or if he refuses your fair competition or if he leaves when he "loses". You have nothing worthy to lose; you have everything worthy to gain.

In Boyfriend likes bestfriend case, the girl's distrust is already a hint of their potential problem. "Trust" is also another topic we will discuss in the future.

Plus, when you have to face the truth that your lover fall in love with someone else or simply doesn't love you anymore, it's the toughest and most popular topic we need to help with. We will also address it in the future.

There are a couple of reasons that may cause relationship failure: the non-compatible personalities, fall in love and out of love at different paces, or no reason at all ...

We will discuss them further. Come back or participate in the discussion with us!

Boyfriend vs. Parents

I love my boyfriend to death weve been together almost 2 yrs. we were hiding it from our parents cause i know they wouldnt like him. know they know and want me to stop talking to him but i can't i love him and don't want to lose him. then i don't want my parents to be mad please help me

- Quit girl