If you’ve just been dumped and you’re wondering how on earth you’re going to revive your confidence then check out this five-step-plan that’s just for you.
Going through a heartbreak can take a serious toll on you, especially when it’s your first love or someone who you were in a relationship with for a long time. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the hurt and pain of a breakup, whether you choose to be angry, depressed or just don’t believe it when it happens. For most people, the quintessential breakup song is what gets us through the worst of our breakups, and we always remember the hurt and pain when we listen back to this song, even years later. Here are the top five breakup songs for every type of breakup.
The Scientist by Coldplay
When this song came out in 2003, it was immediately adapted as the breakup song of the year. The song itself was actually written by the lead singer of Coldplay, to a former love. With lyrics like “Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard”, you can feel the heartache and pain through his singing.
Someone Like You by Adele
Anyone who listens to this song can immediately relate to it, listening to the raw pain and emotion. Adele has produced a plethora of breakup songs, but nothing compares to this one. With just a simple piano in the background, Adele spills her heart singing about the boy who got away. “Never mind I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don’t forget me, I begged. I’ll remember, you said. Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.” If those lyrics don’t relate to a breakup you’ve encountered, I don’t know what will.
You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
So your relationship ended on a sour note, and you’re not as sad as you are pissed. This is exactly the type of emotion it took for Alanis Morissette to write ‘You Oughta Know’ about her breakup with Uncle Joey from Full House. Her lyrics were dark and angry and leads us all to believe that her breakup did not end well with him. “Does she know how you told me you’d hold me until you died, ’til you died, but you’re still alive. And I’m here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away.” Anyone suffering from a bad breakup can find peace by listening to this song and screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Don’t Speak by No Doubt
There’s nothing like a song written fresh off a breakup. For many artists, their personal lives transfer over to their song writing, and fans get an inside look as to what happened in their favorite musicians love life. For Gwen Stefani of No Doubt, this is exactly how it played out with Don’t Speak. After dating bassist Tony Kanal for seven years, the relationship ended abruptly. The next step was to write out her feelings. “Our memories, well they can be inviting but some are altogether mighty frightening. As we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands I sit and cry.” This song hit home with a lot of fans and is one of the most listened to breakup songs of all time.
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Finally, for the strong survivors of the painful breakups we experience in life, Gloria Gaynor tops the list with ‘I Will Survive’, an anthem for the strong women who won’t let this loss in their lives hold them back from bigger and better things. “Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Do you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die? Oh no, not I. I will survive.” You can hear this song playing in every girl or woman’s room after a breakup when they’re ready to move on and feel strong enough to let go of the past.
These songs are familiar to anyone who’s ever had to go through a breakup, which is basically everyone. Regardless of what type of breakup it was that you went through, one of these five songs is bound to relate to how you’re feeling. Despite the age of some of these songs, they will always circle back around when you need them to help you drown your sorrows or overcome the heart break.
Many women choose to be single mothers because they are ready to raise a child but have not yet found the man with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives. Others are not so fortunate, however, and find themselves single after getting pregnant by the man they considered to be a soul mate. Going through a break up is difficult in the best of times, but can be even more so if you are on your way to becoming a mother. Here are some tips to help you cope if you are going through a painful breakup while you are pregnant:
- Focus on what matters – Regardless of how important your ex seemed to you, the only thing that really matters right now is the health of yourself and your baby. Find activities that will keep you centered and allow you to block out the mental confusion at least a few times every week. Buy some new clothes, get a massage, and pamper yourself. Your baby’s health is directly related to yours, so you must take care of yourself.
- Prepare for motherhood – Read about child development, single parenting, and motherhood to prepare for the life that is ahead of you. Join single mother support groups and online communities to share your fears and feelings with others who are sharing your experiences. Take some time occasionally to deal with your emotions and feelings about the break up so you can move on to a peaceful life with your child. Just be sure to not let the grief eat up too much of your time. Allow yourself a set period of time for contemplating your relationship and move on. By taking it in small steps, you can prevent getting too stressed and upset.
- Immerse yourself in positive feelings – Surround yourself with friends and family who love you. Allow their excitement about the coming baby to infect your every thought. After all, your relationship ended for a reason. You will likely realize that it was for the best once you have time to deal with your thoughts. Instead of focusing on what is lost, focus on what you have gained…a loving child. While it may feel good to bash your ex, set limits on what is said by you and your support network. After all, he is your child’s father and you will be dealing with him for a long time. It is better for the baby if you can do so in a civil, compromising manner.
- Accept help – There are many caring people who will be more than happy to help you during your time of need. Take classes, attend support groups, and allow your loved ones to help you prepare for the baby’s arrival. If you are having a very difficult time getting over the break up, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
- Follow the rules – Remember that your relationship with the father will affect your child from birth throughout the rest of his or her life. Work with the father to determine how parenting will be shared and what his responsibilities and involvement will be. Encourage him to be an active part of his child’s life and create an environment that will make him feel comfortable doing so. Regardless of how betrayed and angry you may feel, always communicate in a civil manner and never use your child as a pawn in emotional games.
Going through a painful break up while you are pregnant can steal the joy from your special time, but only if you let it. Instead of getting down, deal with your feelings and get back to the business of being a mommy.
About the Author: Donna Moody uses her experiences as a mother, teacher, and woman to provide parenting advice for those in need.
How Divorce Mediation Helps Couple Split Amicably
If you’re like most people these days, you know someone who has been through a messy divorce. Not every divorce ends in lawyers and court rulings and name-calling, but quite often those bad feelings that resulted in the divorce begin with spill over in the settlement part of the process.
Many couples turn to divorce mediation to settle their differences and find a solution. Just because a marriage didn’t work, doesn’t mean the union can’t be ended amicably and fairly. The goals of divorce mediation usually make this a reality.
Divorce mediation is run by a mediator, who is a third party with absolutely no stake in the outcome of your divorce settlement. Since the mediator has nothing to gain from the outcome, he or she is often able to see solutions that the divorcing couple can’t see. A mediator will make suggestions and give advice, but they can’t try to force an agreement one way or the other.
Open Lines of Communication
One of the primary goals of divorce mediation is to open up the lines of communication when they have been shut down. So often in the case of divorce, the two parties involved stop talking and can’t even get through a few sentences without disagreeing. Mediation will either help you to learn how to talk through the issues you need to talk about, or provide a place where you can go to have help when necessary.
When couples have children, their communication doesn’t stop when the divorce papers are signed. In many cases they will still have to communicate for years afterward, so it makes sense to learn how to do it peacefully.
Resolve Custody & Support Issues
Custody and support are two major sticking points in many divorces. While a mediator can’t make the decisions for you, he can help guide you and figure out a parenting plan that has the least amount of impact on the kids. Through divorce mediation, both parties can have input and customize a plan that works best for everyone involved. When the courts are involved, the legal definitions are stricter and there is less wiggle room for adjustments in scheduling.
Save Time & Money
In the vast majority of cases, divorce mediation saves a lot of time and money over the traditional way of doing things. Legal fees and court fees can add up very quickly, and the typical caseload in family court means you may have to wait for months to even get the process going. Choosing mediation helps you to avoid the standard court procedure and get things done faster and for less.
A Mutual Solution
When divorce mediation has been successful, both parties will reach a mutual agreement on all issues, and will have found a way to communicate in the future. The fact that both parties contribute and help to form the agreement allows everyone to feel as though they’ve been treated fairly once it’s over.
So often in court, decisions are forced upon you without any input at all. Divorce is rarely the solution anybody wants, but at least with mediation everyone can feel like they’ve won.
A Real Loving Relationship With My Child
I really loved my wife, but she left me about 4 years ago. I can tell you that it was definitely the worst moment in my life by a long way and I don’t ever think I could possibly come close to feeling the sorts of feelings that I felt for the first 18 months after our separation ever again. Forgive me now as I reel off a number of very clichéd comments, but believe me, I did have no idea there was any problem with our relationship; it did hit me like a 10 tonnes of bricks and it did set me absolutely reeling. I was a complete mess.
If I had to name the one emotion that stood out as the most mind numbing, it would be the disorientation. I have always been a bloke that is on the front foot in life. I have always been so sure of what it was that I was going to do and then I went out and did it. I felt like I was the one who was reading the play and always 2 steps in front of the world. I don’t think that I was arrogant; I was just confident in being able to manage my life. And really that was the problem. My wife’s leaving me just knocked every tiny piece of confidence that I had from every corner of my body and that is a very disorientating feeling to be left with. I must add there, that it was not confidence in my abilities, but just the loss of confidence, that I had everything worked out. I found out that I certainly did, did, did NOT.
Our children were 10 and 13 when she left. My wife is a lawyer and I run my own business. My wife decided that after 15 years of marriage that she wanted to take off with her boss, the owner of the major law firm that she worked for. I knew the boss; we had been to dinner many times in some kind of work/networking of outings. I had liked him I think.
The thing that shocked me initially was how well she had planned it, she and him already had an apartment, they had discussed the children living with them, they seemed to already have a circle of friends, and the children even seemed to slot straight into their new surroundings. One minute we had a nice family home with plans and dreams that we were both working towards, and the next, not only did I find out that my wife didn’t share my dreams anymore, but she had been working towards her new ones and another man’s dreams for the past year at least. Once again I was just so shocked and so disorientated.
The Good News
But I do have to tell you the good news in this story because, if you have been divorced you already know all the bad stuff that happens and why you would never wish the experience on your worst enemy. The good news in this story comes from the story with my children and my relationship with them. I think I have always been a good father, whatever that means. I have provided for them, I have given them a stable home, and they have only seen me drunk once I think (and I was only a little bit tipsy and doing some crazy dancing on my 45th birthday). I think I have always been there for them and I certainly took an interest in their lives. But knowing what I know now I would say that I never really knew my children. It’s funny to say that, and I must say I don’t like to admit that even now, but it is definitely true. My wife was the parent who helped them with their homework; I mean she is the smart one. My wife was the one that they always confided in. My wife was the one that naturally knew exactly where our children were up to at any point in time. I think I thought I did, but really I know now that I didn’t.
Life Is Not All About Me
When my wife left and took the children, ( and I should preface this by saying or admitting that it did take a long while for me to get over it, like I said earlier) it was about 18 months before I became fully functional again and even then it was difficult. But what happened was that I missed my children, I didn’t see them all week and I only got to see them every second weekend and then for some holidays, but what this did was it changed me, and it made me focus on them for every single second that I was with them. I stopped working for the entire time that I was with them, and I gave them my complete attention. This is something that looking back I never did before the separation, and I took my children for granted. Now that I stopped being focused on myself and my work and my dreams; I actually found myself focusing on two of the most wonderful little, well not so little anymore, people I could ever meet on this planet. I really started to get to know them and I began to let them get to know me. We actually started to really like hanging out with each other. They started to be interested in me and I in them. I can tell you it is the most wonderful thing on earth, getting to know your children.
I could go on and on, but really that is the message (if there really is one in this article) that I want to tell every father out there: maybe you all know your children and aren’t a selfish, self obsessed madman trying to make all your dreams come true and believing that all your dreams are going to make everybody else happy. But if you are that man, believe me getting to know your children is completely wonderful; they are caring and interesting and loving and just so, so special to have in your life in the most real way possible. It will be the best part of your life, way beyond any of the other things that you might be gunning for. Honestly, get to know your children; you will not regret it and along the way, you might even save your marriage.
I recently read an article titled ‘What is Love’ by an Australian Biologist Jeremy Griffith; it deals with love and unconditional love and selflessness being the glue that holds the whole world together, and it has certainly got me thinking about the relationship with my children.
Well me and my boyfriend broke up b-4 valentines day and b-4 I gave him my bff home number and he called her and talked and all out of no where he broke up with me b-cuz he was afraid to fall in love with me. He stopped calling or talking to me when I went to my other bff’s house on Wed. night for church. So I started writing poems and crap. They kept talking to each other. And then today they go out and every-1 at skool asks if it bothers me and I tell them no. My mind says let him go but my heart says hold on. Ya..but see I like his “ex” best friend..and he likes me..so we go sk8ing and I turn emo again…we go outside and flirt. I felt bad but happy. However, I just really want my ex-boyfriend to at lease talk or call…even walk up and tell me he still cares about me. I mean..I’m so confused…and this has been happening since 1month and 2weeks ago..just plz help
– Confused Emo
December 7, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Hey I really like what you have written.
Iam kind of in the same thing. Me n this boy have recently broke up.
No matter what though I love him.
He could do the worst thing.
Like its going around that he got this girl pregnant.
But I am still there for him if he needs me.
The difference is he had sex with her after we was over.
Your boyfriend cheated I think if you don’t get along maybe its time to move on because to me just reading what you wrote it doesn’t seem like your happy!
Do try and write me back maybe I can use your advice!
December 7, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I know exactly how you feel but I am a mother, and it’s harder for me to get out of my situation. So for my advice to you, leave him. He’s not worth the time or stress. Some men just never grow up and I don’t think you could do anything to make him change; he has to change for himself, after he realizes there are problems. Well if you need any advice you can look me up. I’m not always the best at giving advice but I can try. Good Luck!
December 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm
If he cheated on you, go kick him.
December 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Gurl just pray about it!
December 7, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Hey girl I know how you feel. I was dating this guy for 3 months and we always fought. Me and him were different because he liked doing other things. He treated me good but only when he felt like it. We tried working things out but it failed. Now i’m hurt and he doesn’t care. So make sure that this guy your with treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Don’t settle for less. It hurts but eventually you will find someone better.
December 7, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Hey, well what i’d advise you to do with ur bf wud b to leave him if he really treats u bad nn has cheated on u before, bcuz if hes done it once..he’ll do it again..and i think u deserve better than that
The related cases referred to are under the “Break up” category.
- Remember: The pain will pass and it’s never eternal
If you are heartbroken, please remember this first: just like giving birth to a child, the pain will pass and the new baby will eventually be born. Being heartbroken is never eternal.
- Feel free to recall haunting memories
Before you forget your pain, feel free to recall it, feel it. Feel free to listen to the music that brings back haunting memories and feel free to cry. This helps you get through the worst of the pain and moves you along the path toward healing. Heart break is like losing a loved one to death. You will go through a process similar to grief.
- Be good to yourself
Please be good to yourself: a spa, a massage, a movie, a concert just to cheer yourself up. Listen to gorgeous music, or some breakup songs, take a walk in a beautiful garden or a wild hillside and eat healthy foods.
When we have to say goodbye to a lover, different personalities do react differently. One girl might say, “If he cheated on you, go kick him.” Another one would say, “Make sure that this guy treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Don’t settle for less.” People with such personalities are more likely to get over the pain quickly.
I sum up this topic in great detail as follows in the hope of helping other people whose personalities don’t allow them to get over the break-up easily.
When you have to say goodbye to a lover, when you break up with someone you still love, the situation is always like this: your mind says let him go but your heart says hold on.
- Realize it’s the end
There are different reasons that we have to say goodbye to a lover, but whatever reason it is, we know that it’s the end. This is something you must realize first. Remember, a love relationship is where both people give it their all and put everything into it, and if he’s done it once, he’ll do it again and you deserve better than that. It’s YOUR life and you only get to live it once.
- Timeout – Leave ex as far away as possible
What you have to do is to separate, with no contact, give yourself time to close out that part of your life. Remember, it is hard to go through another door when the first door is still open. There are indeed tough situations where for whatever reason you still have to face him every day. If you believe that it’s a really impossible situation where you cannot possibly forget him, then sometimes moving to another place may be necessary. Imagine a life without him. Live a life like you have never met.
You have been dating and both of you have devoted effort to this love relationship, therefore, it’s perfectly normal that you still have feelings for your ex. However, when your love relationship doesn’t work out, you need to understand that the decision you make to give up your ex is a final and irreversible one. Once the decision is made, you should never go back to your ex: If you do go back, the failure will repeat itself. In order to move on, you need to leave ex as far away as possible. Time will help you forget this love feeling. A lot of people are unable to move on, so their life with their ex remains complicated, and this creates problems to others who they are involved with later.
- Keep yourself busy and meet new people
What you need to do is to hang out with friends, go to movies or parties, and do whatever you can to get out of the house or just keep yourself busy and meet new people. After heartbreak, there’s nothing like good, warm, understanding, loving and lovable friends, but please do not talk your friend’s ear off about your situation.
- Don’t be involved in another love relationship too soon
How soon is too soon? It depends on whether you believe that you have passed “time out” and forgotten about your ex. To look for comfort from someone else will only hurt you more and even worse it will hurt the person you seek comfort from.
Learn not to depend upon any other person for your happiness. It’s important to find your own true self and path in your life. Do not rely on a love relationship to resolve your problems, to seemingly fulfill your “empty” life. It is better to be reasonably happy, content and fulfilled on your own and then to seek out a love relationship that can add to your life. Being dependent on another for your happiness is a good set-up for future heart break.
- It hurts but eventually you will find someone better
Remember there are other fish in the sea. Eventually, you will end up meeting another guy even better than this one, one who will make you so much happier. People do find true love and happiness later. You will be thankful to lose him when someone else nicer comes! If he had stayed then things could have turned out a lot, lot worse.
Sometimes when people are tied to an unhappy love relationship, they will always complain that they are not as lucky as their friend who has found his or her true love. They aren’t aware if they don’t finish their ongoing, failed love relationship, it is very hard for them to find true love.
- Time understands love; time also heals wounds
Just hang in there, everything will be okay. You just need to give it time. Time heals all wounds and if you just live life to the fullest everything will be alright.
Simply quote two song titles for you: one is from Eragon; the other one is from Bridge to Terabithia.
Keep holding on and Keep your mind wide open! Someday, you will fall in love again and love like you’ve never been hurt!
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