-Unknown

So, today, we switch an angle from being too late to being in time, if not early, when you are still rational. Yes, this piece of relationship advice is for those who are not yet being in love or who just fell in love and still have vision.

Today’s topic is called “Love Cost“, however, this cost of love is not the one that ultimately leads to a long lasting happy marriage, therefore, actually called “Breakup Cost of Love“.

How much does a breakup cost? Of course, financially it cost you. The more serious your love relationship was, the more cost it may occur.

However, are you aware of the hidden cost of a breakup?

First of all is your emotional cost, that is your lowered self-esteem, being sad, depression, being lonely, regret, guilty, pain and insomnia.

The second one is the benefit of current love, so a breakup is also called as “lost love”.

The third one is the unrealized invested cost: money, emotion, time and energy on the wrong person with no expected returns and this cost could have been spent in having more friends, finding or furthering your career.

The fourth one is your previous friendship loss. Because you became lover, you lost a friend.

Because love with no result is costly, it hurts so bad when you break up.

On the other hand, because it’s costly, to ensure you are rich enough to date and possibly lose love some day with less pain, you need to preserve a decent amount of saving.

First saving account is your true best friends. Therefore, continue to expand and maintain your strong emotional support social network while dating. Always keep qualified potential soul mates as friends.

Second saving account is the news or stories of tragedy or grief. When you break up, read them, think about how miserable those people are. Compared with theirs, your life is much better, because you are rich enough to date. Or keep a saving account of heart-stirring books or songs. Concentrate your emotion on positive elements without a moment to be depressed. Internet can help you a lot.

Third saving account is the notes of your lover’s strong points and shortcomings. Please have two separate diaries ready for each purpose. When breaking up, simply read the shortcoming diary and tell yourself, “It’s not a regret at all to lose such a person.” But remember, never read it when everything is fine!

Please learn to accept the fact that finding your soul mate is a trial and you may make wrong choice.

8 kinds of love with no result are as follows:

1. When you care about him but he’s just not that into u

Love is supposed to be mutual, and when he’s just not that into u, to avoid self-hurt, you had better give him up as soon as possible before your love is getting deep.

Your love is actually never satisfied and the harm is not less than drugs’. You lose yourself in this unbalanced relationship and you will feel you are fooled and painful.

Vice versa, do not hurt someone you are not that into.

2. When you only love his potential

You don’t really love him as is and you just love the one he might become in the future, then he is just someone you want to shape but not your love.

If you always hope to change him to satisfy you, then it’s rather gamble than love.

Vice versa, if he always wants to change you, then he doesn’t love you; leave him as soon as possible before you get hurt.

3. When you want to help him

You have pity on him and you feel obliged to cheer him up; you are afraid if you leave him he will be hurt.

He’s fragile, dependent and unloved. You have pity on him and then you try to love him. He will be grateful to you.

It’s alms giving that lacks respect for love.

Vice versa, if you are in need of help, please be thankful to him as a friend only, no further.

4. When you admire him as an idol

This kind of love is unequal. If you tend to love someone you admire, you usually lack self-confidence.

Vice versa, if someone admires you, just keep the friendship as is and do not “upgrade” it to love.

5. When you are just attracted to his appearance

It’s rather infatuation than love. Vice versa, if you are a beautiful woman, don’t be easily carried away by the number of wooers handy, otherwise, you may contrarily be suffered. A beautiful woman is a target of aggressive men who are addicted to competition, not love.

6. When you are together in an unusual occasion for a short period of time

This kind of feeling is not long lasting, since you don’t really get to know each other, especially when the occasion is changed later on.

7. When you just want to be opposite

When you are told to find someone rich, you intend to find someone poor……you just want to prove something, then you don’t truly love whom you choose.

When your parents dislike boyfriend, you insist on; you just want to be opposite.

8. When he is not free

Being free means he can be with you freely, unmarried, unengaged, not dating someone else, not in a love relationship, single and only be with you.

If the man you are being in love with promises you that he will leave the other woman very soon; or he says that he doesn’t love that woman and he loves you; or the other woman accepts your existence but they don’t plan on break up and he wants to be with you for a while; or he just broke up, but they might be together again……then he’s not free.

If you date a man who is not free, regardless of excuses, result is the same, that is, your heart will be broken, and the truth is that you only receive the portion of what the other woman left over.

Choice is at yours; responsibility is at yours. Love with no result is just a gamble with little chances to win and your happiness is the wager.

8 kinds of love with no result summarize 8 foremost preconditions to ensure a successful love journey with apparently more chances.

When love is mutual, balanced, equal, undivided, whole, unconditional with respect, it will pave an enchanting and healthy boulevard for you.

If you are heartbroken, please remember this first: just like giving birth to a child, the pain will pass and the new baby will eventually be born. Being heartbroken is never eternal.

Before you forget your pain, feel free to recall it, feel it. Feel free to listen to the music that brings back haunting memories and feel free to cry. This helps you get through the worst of the pain and moves you along the path toward healing. Heart break is like losing a loved one to death, there you will go through a process similar to grief.

Then please be good to yourself: a spa, a massage, a movie, a concert just to cheer yourself up. Listen to gorgeous music, take a walk in a beautiful garden or a unique hillside and eat healthy foods.

Please remember what a great rabbi once said: you can learn something from everything, meaning there’s no experience including the worst one that can’t teach you something worthwhile.

Please learn not to depend upon another person for your happiness. It’s important to find your own true self and path in your life. Please do not rely on a love relationship to resolve your problems, to seemingly fulfill your “empty” life. You had better be reasonably happy, content and fulfilled on your own and then seek out a love relationship that can add to your life. Being dependent on another for your happiness is a good set-up for heart break.

Please remember there are other fishes in the sea. We have often marveled at how the next love has proven to be so much better than the one before, simply because we do learn at least something from each of these unsuccessful love relationships.

There’s nothing like good, warm, understanding, loving and lovable friends after a heartbreak, but please do not talk one friend’s ear off about your situation. And do be grateful for the kindness shown to you by others who reach out to you at this time. Once you feel a bit better it would be very lovely and thoughtful of you to send a thank you note, little gift, flowers or whatever to any friend who was especially comforting, understanding and helpful to you during the period of difficulty.

I wasn’t too worried about the other girls, as one had a steady boyfriend, and I thought the other did too, but recently, the 2nd girl and her boyfriend broke up. And I found out my crush and this girl had almost dated. Immediately, I panicked. She was my real competition, and they were much closer friends than he and I were. She and I chatted, being very good friends, and she gave me permission to ‘go for it’ as she had just gotten out of her relationship and claimed she didn’t want to go into another one.

Now, I forgot to mention that recently, I had one of my friends say to the guy “You know [me] likes you, right?” And he just said, in a very neutral way, “Yeah, it’s kinda obvious.” I should have known then to drop it. I even told myself ‘He probably likes the 2nd girl, and she likes him, so this is entirely moot.’ However, my friends fed my broken heart, and after much debating, a few nights ago, I wrote him a very brief e mail basically saying “I like you – I wanted to be straightforward – I’m not expecting anything – Just want you to think about it” and had asked my best girlfriend and best guyfriend to proofread the note and they both okay’ed it. My guyfriend even convinced me that at the LEAST my crush will be flattered to receive the note.

Alas, the day after I sent the e mail, I checked out the woman’s bible for dating: He’s Just Not That Into U and learned that all of our self convincing and hoping was for naught. The honest truth is that he knew I liked him, and he didn’t care, and didn’t reciprocate those feelings, and I should have let it go because he’s just not that into me. If a guy wants you, HE will make the effort to be with you. The simple truth is that boys don’t like to be chased. And sometimes that means that you’ll feel idle, ‘waiting’ for a guy to make a move, but after you flirt, and put yourself out there a bit, and if nothing comes of it by his way, nothing will, and you have to accept that.

If anything, I wish I could go back in time, and just not sent the e mail, I would. And I have a strong notion he rarely checks his e mail, and by the time he gets it, he could be dating the other girl and even if they don’t date… talk about an awkward situation I’ve made for myself. I now am still hopeful, because that is just the pathetic girl’s nature, but I do know and accept that he’ll probably start dating the other girl, and even if he doesn’t, I do know for a fact that I am somehow going to receive a polite rejection from him, and I’ll have to be okay with that. To make my insanely long story short (I guess I’m just feeling chatty tonight) if he can make a move, and he’s not, then he’s simply not that into u. PLEASE read the relationship book; it has officially shamed me and my pushy girl ways. It has changed the way I will forever date.

- Unknown

- Ash

Thank you,
Kalena Lawson

- gina

Inside my heart I know he has every intention to propose and be with me and he is serious about this relationship. I know the reason he didn’t pop the question as soon as I expect is because he is always busy with his job and he usually doesn’t have time to plan the proposal. But, whenever I think that as a girl, I have to initiate the proposal I get really angry with myself and with him. I was even contemplating to leave him so that he can feel bad for not taking the lead in this issue. But I also know he is a great guy, a responsible man and someone I want to spend my lifetime with.

- Jane

I’m sorry this is an essay and a half…i hope you will take the time to read it. i need help. I dont know if i should cut him out…try and forget him. Tell my boyfriend about him. I feel so bad liking someone else while i am with him. I love my boyfriend though…and i guess i only REALLY LIKE this other guy. But he just seems so awesome despite the fact he has changed. Maybe its just my memory of he was that i want back.

- Rabbit