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Posts Tagged ‘Commitment’

Three and Out

My boyfriend and I were together for 4 and a half years. We have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years and have been able to make it work thus far. We broke up for 4 months and he came crawling back saying he made a mistake and will do anything to be with me. He was amazing. Two weeks ago he broke up with me saying he couldn’t give me what I needed and that he just wanted space to be able to do his own thing. I found out last week that he told his old roommate that he wants to marry me, but being together is bad timing. I wrote him a letter telling him how I feel and that I understand we shouldn’t be together anymore because I am so hurt he would leave again. We don’t talk, although he called me last weekend and asked me to come see him and I did. Everything seemed fine, but then he said it was a mistake and haven’t heard from him since. What should I do?

- Brittany

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Right Guy

I’m separated from my husband for about a year. I met this wonderful person who is the antithesis of my husband and wants me in his life. He is separated too. He is looking for a wife urgently and wants a commitment from me. I am not looking for a husband but a friend and companion right now. His neediness and impulsiveness worries me. I am confused if he is the right guy for me. I don’t want to make another mistake. please help.

- Lisa

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Take it slow

I am 20 years old and last year i had my first broke up with my first love. We were together for 3 years but we ended it because it just wasn’t working anymore. Since the break up we have become happier better people and actually get along like we used to and are much closer than we were before. The thing is, when we broke up we kept seeing eachother which only made it harder as we fell into the patterns of being a “couple” again. This wasnt very good because he was spending time kissing and cuddling me but going out and being with other girls. I ended that because I was only getting hurt in the process and holding on to someone that obvious didnt want just me anymore. After 3 months of both of us being single we are sort of together again. we have decided to take things slow and he says he wants to be good to me. So far he has, he has been wonderful and faithful and our love relationship is better than ever. My only question is will we get back together officially? will he make commitment to being with just me? because right now im not his gf and hes not my bf but i want him to be. for the past 2 months we’ve been spending all our free time together whether its day or night, we have a sexual relationship, he brings me flowers when im sick, everything is great but we arent officially together and it really bothers me. I’ve brought it up with him and hes says he loves how we are now and that taking it slow has been good for us but to me Im just scared im going to get hurt again. I kind of feel like hes keeping his options open, why else do u not make commitment when everything just works? Im confused, I feel that he wants only me but at the same time he doesnt want to make commitment. We’ve been ‘taking it slow’ for 2 months now, am I moving too fast by wanting to get back together?

- Ash

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Don’t trust her

Hi, I need TRUTHFUL relationship advice.
My girlfriend and I met 18 months ago and since then we have been living together for about a year. She has been married six times and has gotten a divorce every time. I have never been married or been in a truly serious relationship until now. We told each other all the things that two people say when they are passionately being in love. We discussed everything in our lives with each other and made plans and decisions for a permanent relationship. I even gave up my job so we could work around hers, since her job was more established and secure. There are many other things that were discussed that I could include in this message but it would be too long.
Now, she wants to give up on this relationship without telling me all the TRUTHFUL reasons why. I expressed to her from the very beginning that her relationship track record was bad and that I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time that I met her, but the fact that we both agreed this relationship was for real and we could make commitment to it, we decided to RISK it.
My values are the most important thing to me and TRUST is at the very top of the list, which I expressed to her. How can someone be so cruel to fake a relationship, commitment, and LOVE? She tells me that she will LOVE me forever, no matter what happens, but why should I believe her. She has already broken my TRUST. It’s not the fact she has broken this trust that frustrates, it’s the fact that I don’t TRUST what she tells me anymore. Am I fighting a loosing battle? I hate to walk away from something that I put so much effort and sacrifice into. She has some serious issues that she needs to work on, and we have discussed them, but for whatever reason, she wants to end the relationship.
By the way, she has wanted to end the relationship many times before only to change her mind. Not because she wanted to work on herself or the relationship, but because of the reasons that I still don’t know. She has also left once only to call me and wanted to get back together. All of these actions are things that I’m analyzing and trying to come to a decision. There is much more that I could include but I’m hoping someone can give me some relationship advice on what I’ve written. Thanks for all of your help.

- Mike

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Better Couple

10 steps to enjoying each other better…
1. Be realistic about each other. Don’t try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let’s face it, guys-there’s only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u’re gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don’t make assumptions about each other’s feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner understands what u’re angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it’s the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together. Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for “that sort of activities” instead. If u’re spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it’s a warning sign that u’re drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the “The_Rock” print, u shouldn’t kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There’s gotta be a little giving and taking in a love relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show ur love. Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then, even if u have been together for 5 years. It’s wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine’s Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can’t wear ( like for decoration purposes ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him…so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other’s feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past. Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don’t bring up the happy things about u and ur ex lover to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don’t talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b’cos u are gonna get back to your ex or not interested in her anymore.
8. Sit on ur jealousy. All of us go thru’ spells of insecurity at the beginning of the love relationship, but don’t translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u’re gonna go through ur partner’s mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong – with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru’ the love relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep ur commitments to each other. If ur partner is standing u up all the time and canceling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u’re in a love relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don’t disappoint him / her if u can help it. It’s really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don’t make promises u can’t keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest. Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly ! When we say “be honest”, we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u’re hurt, say so, and when u’re angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can’t be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? æ Love is also about honesty, and a love relationship where no honesty exists probably isn’t worth it!

- Unknown

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