Which Guy Do I Want to Be With?

I’ve known this guy for 5 years. The first day we met,  we had sex. I live in California and had a best friend that lived in Louisiana which is where I met him when I visited her one summer. Ever since we met, we’ve had an infatuation with each other.

 

He recently had gotten incarcerated and we still keep in touch. Around the time when he got locked up, I met this other guy. He’s locked up too but somehow was able to contact me through someone’s cell phone and we’d been talking for a few months.

This new guy gets out next month which is in June and he’s been promising me the world when he gets out like massages, back rubs, getaways and a few other things. The other guy can’t promise all that. In my past relationships, I’ve always had to be the one to pay for everything. I have interest in this new guy but is it wrong for me to be with someone that can help support me more than just sexually?

The old guy thinks this new guy is selling me wolf tickets. I won’t know for sure till he gets out. The old guy is locked up all the way in Wisconsin Dodge correctional not sure for how long though. Could be from 9 to 18 months. The new guy is locked up in Solano county which is way closer to me. And he gets out June 6.

I care about both guys but I’m confused to which one I want to be with. Sex with the old guy is too good I would daydream about it sometimes. lol… I don’t want my relationships to be just about sex because I am trying to settle down and am trying to find that one guy that could support me in every way physically, mentally, emotionally, monetarily too (if that’s a word  lol).

To be honest I haven’t even met the new guy face to face yet. I have about 60 letters from him I keep in a box since he first started writing me in August, September of 2010. but we’ve been exchanging pictures. Help me…!!:((((

– patricemarie1981

Min Min says:
May 4, 2011 at 7:30 am
You don’t need to make the choice until you meet the new guy. People in person can be very different from them in writing. You don’t even know if you would like him or not. He could disgust you too, needless to mention if he could satisfy you physically or monetarily. Even if he didn’t make empty promises, until you meet him, he’s not a choice at all.

In your case it seems sex and money are equally important. If the new guy disappointed you you could still keep searching until you meet a third guy or see the first guy again.

Well, you know what, the perfect guy who would satisfy you physically and monetarily is hard to encounter. Either pick one or keep waiting.

dieselfit says:
September 9, 2013 at 11:06 am
I’m so sorry about your difficult situation. I know how hard it can be. Honestly, you need to sit down, leave everything be and just breathe out with relaxation. Ask yourself this, if you had one day to live, what would you do? Life is short, you can’t depend on someone if he is locked up, or you have feelings that he will be locked up again and again. You have a choice, and you can either let yourself sit in an empty room or live life the way it’s suppose to be. You can be loyal AND alive. There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with the first guy, everyone has the right to choose. Life is short, hope you can choose!

How to Break the Cycle of Toxic Relationships

The sad truth is that once you’ve been in a bad relationship, it’s easy to allow that one terrible relationship to turn into a cycle. Toxic relationships can destroy your self-image, making it difficult for you to appreciate and really know your own self-worth. When you’re in such a vulnerable state of mind, it’s all so easy to fall back into yet another bad relationship. However, there are things you can do to break this cycle that you’re in! Just check out the two following tips and take the first step to swearing off toxic relationships for good!

* Take a break from dating

If you’ve been in a bad relationship, the last thing you should do is jump right into another romantic situation. Instead, force a dating break on yourself. Give yourself time to really find out your wants, needs, and desires. The saying goes, “You can’t love anyone else unless you first love yourself,” and it’s true. Give yourself the chance to fall in love with yourself, and then tackle the dating scene once again.

* Be aware of the signs of toxic relationships

If you find that simple conversations typically turn into screaming matches, or if you and/or your partner consistently have doubts towards each other, you are in high risk of entering another bad relationship. Be very sensitive to your partner’s actions and reactions—if he or she flies off the handle at the very smallest thing; there’s obviously something wrong. Also analyze the way that you and your partner communicate. Are you successful at communicating, or does regular dialogue all too often turn into a heated argument? It’s best to keep an eye out for these signs early on in the relationship so that a bad romantic situation can be prevented.

By taking a break from the dating scene, you’ll allow yourself time to get to know yourself once again and to be comfortable in your own skin. By following the second tip of being aware, you can help protect yourself from falling into another bad relationship and continuing the cycle.

Prem says:
September 7, 2013 at 1:17 pm
Simple but effective tips for the ones who don’t want to get hurt again. Yes if you’re planning to jump into another relationship then be ready to hear the music. It’s always better to take some time off and maintain a safe distance from getting into bad relationship and if you take a break then you could get the benefit too. As rightly mentioned in the post first learn to love yourself, if you can’t love yourself then how come you can love any other person? God always has a better plan for us what we need to do is, ‘wait’, wait for the right moment.

Allorak says:
September 7, 2013 at 3:43 pm
The first tip is the most crucial. Too many people desperately go for anyone they find, after a bad relationship. this is the worst thing to do, you didn’t give yourself enough time to heal and rebuild yourself. How can you start a meaningful relationship, when you’re broken inside? You can’t expect other people to pick up the pieces for you. If you don’t love yourself enough to help yourself, then how can you expect yourself to love another? Not only will you cause yourself more pain, but you’ll also cause pain for others.

My Friend Said She’s Subtly Attracted to Me

For the last nine years, my friend and I have been friends. What a redundant sentence. Anyway, I have always had a crush on her. At sometimes feeling that I love her. She has a little kid too. I love her little kid too.

Recently she and her long distance boyfriend have been talking about her moving up to where he lives. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to move; she did a lot of thinking and talking to her child’s father whom she hates. I told her I couldn’t make her decisions for her when she asked me as well.

 

On that same day, she sent me several texts saying, “Can I tell you something, and I hope this doesn’t change anything between us. But lately I have become subtly attracted to you. The way you are with my daughter, how nice you are to me.” So I answer and say “you deserve it, you’re a single mother and you do a lot.” She says “you’re missing the point.” So I tell her I feel the same way, and I love both her and her kid. I go to her work that night and take her to Dr. Pepper which is her favourite. We talk but not about the texts; I give her a hug. It becomes awkward.

She goes up for the weekend to her boyfriend’s house and for the interview. I later find out from a friend that she found out she couldn’t afford to move up there, and that her boyfriend won’t help her pay to move up there. She locks herself in the bathroom, and breaks up with him. So, she doesn’t talk to me much the next week. I ask her via text if it was something I said or what. She answers that she is just tired, and stressed, and she doesn’t want to do anything with anyone. So a week goes by and she goes back up north to her boyfriend’s house.

She comes back on Sunday. I’m with my friend’s watching football. She texts me and says some “finish watching your movie”. I had started watching a movie at her house with her at some point. I tell her “No, just delete it. I’m busy and can we talk about this later”. Completely not like me to say but I do it on the advice of my friends. She says “wow… sorry, didn’t mean to bug you”. I say “you aren’t bugging me, I’m just busy and can’t talk right now”.

She normally talks to me or texts me regularly, but now I feel I’ve destroyed not only any chance of a relationship but also our friendship. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I can sincerely say, I love this girl. I feel like I’ve scared her off. I need help! If I were an avid dater or had a lot of girl options, I could probably keep my mind off her but I can’t stop thinking about her. It tears me up inside. I don’t know what to do. I need help. Please help.

– Kellen

Another Guy from my Past has Re-entered my Life

I have been in this relationship for nine years and have two kids. I love him and I know that he loves me but we don’t trust each other and we don’t communicate. We have been on and off for the past year. It is hard to let go but I am at the point now that something has to give and another guy from my past has reentered my life. I need to know if I should give up on my relationship and if so I need to make sure it’s not because of the other guy.

– Jamie

 

Min Min says:
October 1, 2010 at 11:08 am
Hi Jamie,

As in any relationship, your relationship has its issues.

However, as far as I understand, you and your boyfriend have two kids, you have been together for long and you love each other.

Apparently, if you were to give up on your current relationship, it’s because of the other guy from your past who reentered your life, otherwise, you have already given up on your current boyfriend.

If the trust and communication issue just happened in the past year, are you willing to work on it? Are you willing to communicate with your boyfriend to work on it together?

The answer key is whether you’re willing, he’s willing, or both of you are willing. Are you sure there’ll be no issue in another relationship if trust and communication is not an issue?

jyothi says:
October 19, 2010 at 5:29 am
Once you have to think about your kids before you are thinking selfilishly about yourself

sarah says:
October 12, 2010 at 12:18 am
i am in love with my boyfriend and we are expecting a child this april. things are not going very good for us at all! All we do is fight and argue. he works non stop and always finds some thing he has to do before spending time with me. we have been seperated for about 2 months now trying to work or problems out, but its going no were. so i have just told him im thinking about moving to another province, and now he wants to change and make things better. we have been talking about changing for ever and he hasnt done a thing?what do i do? leave? stay here and try again to work things out? help!!

jyothi says:
October 19, 2010 at 5:28 am
If the work is the only reason for your fight
I think you should support for doing more hard work and make him realize that you are the only pearson where he can feel relax
Dear it is totally upon you to make your relation good and i think you can prove it to be a really nice girl friend to him

What have I Gotten myself Into?

About 5 months ago a friend of mine brought along a girl she knew from her neighborhood to come party with us. We talked a little, drank a lot, and she ended up in my bed with me that night. The next day she left and i didnt know her name and really wasn’t all that concerned if id ever see her again. Later that day she sent me an e-mail and we started talking a lot and i learned that she was actually a really cool person and i became a lot more attracted to her.

 

We learned that we had a lot in common and i started to think about her as more than just a one-night stand. I actually began to like her and care about her. she told me from the start that she’d just gotten out of a 5 month relationship but the more we got to talking, the more i noticed that her life with her ex was still very complicated and i realized it was not a good situation. Regardless, we continued dating for a month more or so until she finally freaked out and said we could only be friends because she didn’t want to lie to her ex about seeing someone new — it seemed that every time the sex got better, she got more and more scared.
We haven’t had been intimate with each other for almost 2 months and are trying to just be friends but last night after talking about how sex would be bad the next time we see each other, the conversation quickly turned into some really good phone sex. What have i gotten myself into? Is this a fling? Are we better just as friends even though the sex is so good or does it seem that we might have something real together? My friendship with her is really important at this point and i dont want to lose her but i know that we’re both weak for each other. What should i do?

– Miggzy

mallik says:
September 5, 2013 at 3:34 am
look brother….it is gr8 that u guys r friends and are going it thru…but have a clarity regarding everything…ask her to get a clarification that she either is with you..only you…..or her ex.
and you….even get that clarity of what she actually matters to you…is she a close friend or beyond that …whether u want to love her…and go for a relationship with her…
but just don’t freak out like in a way…where u guyz have some phone sex….or one night stands or something like that….
just clarify up urselves.!!! and then proceed up further in whateva u guyz wanna do with each other.

I Love my Boyfriend while Liking Someone Else

I’m in a year long relationship with a guy who loves me so much and of course I love him back. 3 months ago we had a 2 month break because I thought I only liked him as a friend. Just before we broke it off I met another guy who was very sweet, shy and caring. Not being up myself, but he seemed to really like me. I’m still not sure if i broke up with my boyfriend because i saw this new guy as something different and, well, “new”. Anyway, I became interested during the time I had broken up with my boyfriend.

I don’t fall for guys very easily and normally not that quick. I know he wasn’t a rebound guy either, he was more than that. In the 2 months i was apart from my boyfriend the new guy and i became kind of a couple but without him actually asking me out. We didn’t have a sexual relationship but we kissed when no one was looking.

One day, he had suddenly made best friends with alot of my girl friends and became more interested in them than me. I was hurt and wanted him to know, so i kind of stopped talking to him as much. The sad thing is, he didn’t seem to notice and we drifted apart.

After a month, my ex-boyfriend seemed to grow up alot and asked if we could try again. I said yes. A few months after we started going out again, the “new” guy seemed to start talking to me. Of course, i was standoffish after he screwed me over for my friends. And as I hadn’t picked him for the dickhead type I was pretty hurt.

When he contacted me he didn’t seem to want a real friendship. See, id slowly discovered that no one he has ever met has ever disliked him, surely not despised him like i did. And so, I think he was trying to calm the waters a little. Eventually I warmed up to him again… I thought I had gotten over him with my hatred but no.. I still felt for him despite the fact I was back to my boyfriend.

Anyway, recently I decided to see him, try a friendship again, partly because I still like him. Turned out the time he spent ignoring me and vice versa, he had changed. ALOT. He’d become a party animal, new friends, implied I was simple and boring because I like picnics and early nights.

It’s interesting to note that he often msged me drunk telling me he missed me. Only when he was drunk. All other times he never replied to my messages. So anyway, when i DID see him it was kind of disappointing. I couldn’t see the sweet, nice, caring guy I had seen all that time ago. When we really started talking he asked if i was still with my boyfriend, i said yes. Then we kind of talked about what had happened to us. I told him i had really liked him. He said he “didn’t know what to say”…he seemed generally speechless. After we talked, i messaged him asking if everything was different would i be good enough for him and his new life? He said the simple answer was yes but the problem wasn’t simple. he said he needed time to think. later on in the night he sent me a message “you do understand why i didnt kiss you tonight dont you?”. I replied. I fell asleep waiting for a message back. I messaged him in the morning and no reply. I messaged him again a week later, just asking how he was. He replied like nothing had really happened. I had told him the nigh I had seen him that I would never get over him. He hasn’t mentioned anything we talked about that night since. I told him I was sick of trying with him and it wasn’t worth it anymore. He never replied.

I’m sorry this is an essay and a half…i hope you will take the time to read it. i need help. I don’t know if I should cut him out…try and forget him. Tell my boyfriend about him. I feel so bad liking someone else while i am with him. I love my boyfriend though…and i guess i only REALLY LIKE this other guy. But he just seems so awesome despite the fact he has changed. Maybe it’s just my memory of he was that I want back.

– Rabbit