Tag Archives: Love Relationship

Jan. 12.

My Boyfriend EX


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I have a very loving relationship with my boyfriend of nearly a year. He and his son moved in with me and my two children nearly 7 months ago. I was well aware that he has a very close relationship with an Ex, which didn’t bother me until after he moved in.

He and his Ex have been best friends for nearly 15 years before and after their relationship. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy’s mother is still in the picture).

From what I understand, they broke up because she had issues with alcohol, but they remained close and still do. She is now in a relationship of a couple of years (her bf has no issues with their relationship), I think, and my bf had a relationship before me that ended because of his close relationship with his Ex.

It wasn’t until after he and his son moved in that I realized that their close relationship just seemed a little too close…or maybe it’s me!!??? They shared some of his furniture in a storage unit and they were on the phone nearly every other day for two months to figure out schedules so that he could get the storage key.

I felt that their frequent communication was unnecessary for this reason, so that was when I voiced my concern (we got the key that night). As an example, there was a text message that she sent him telling him of a show she watched that made her think of him and she was just letting him know. I told him that I felt it was inappropriate for her to say things like that to someone in a relationship and that I wanted to let her know that. I texted her from my phone and we had quite a bit of a back and forth of complete disagreement. On New Year’s we went to a wedding where I met her briefly which was very hard.

A week ago, their dog fell sick and they’ve had a couple of extensive conversations since then about the dog mainly and whatever else comes up. They obviously have obligations to each other because they still share the dog, who is living with her; she calls to talk to his son once in a blue moon, and calls to talk to him once or twice every week to remind him of birthdays in her family and to check in with him.

He doesn’t see her often and he tries not to initiate the communication, so it mostly comes from her end and he sees nothing wrong with it. There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t hear her name. I am having a problem dealing with their closeness. My children love him and I have a feeling that things won’t change on his end. Any advise?? Am I allowing this to affect me too much? How do I not let it get to me?? Aside from this issue, we have a wonderful relationship.

- Yogini

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Nov. 05.

Chemical basis of love


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Biological view on love (3 stages of love):

1st Stage: Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months.

If you don’t go past this stage, then it’s called “sex”. You look for it every a few weeks or months.

2nd Stage: Romantic Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms.

As people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, stimulating the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. This stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

If you don’t go past this stage, then it’s called “love addicts”, or “love drug”. When you’re told “I love you” or “I’m in love with you”, is it true?

3rd Stage: Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have.

Love, friendship, or kinship, whatever you call it. Couple at this stage don’t say “I love you” or “I’m in love with you” anymore, since it’s the real deal. When you are at this stage, will you look for lust elsewhere anymore? Will you miss the love drug anymore?

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Jun. 02.

Love Cost


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OK, OK, I understand, it’s the most difficult emotional time to get over. I understand that the relationship advice in “Goodbye Lover” and “Heartbroken” on how to get it over are so rational and apparent that we all know them but they are hard to carry out in real situation of that moment. The reason is that the relationship advice is too late.

So, today, we switch an angle from being too late to being in time, if not early, when you are still rational. Yes, this piece of relationship advice is for those who are not yet being in love or who just fell in love and still have vision.

Today’s topic is called “Love Cost“, however, this cost of love is not the one that ultimately leads to a long lasting happy marriage, therefore, actually called “Breakup Cost of Love“.

How much does a breakup cost? Of course, financially it cost you. The more serious your love relationship was, the more cost it may occur.

However, are you aware of the hidden cost of a breakup?

First of all is your emotional cost, that is your lowered self-esteem, being sad, depression, being lonely, regret, guilty, pain and insomnia.

The second one is the benefit of current love, so a breakup is also called as “lost love”.

The third one is the unrealized invested cost: money, emotion, time and energy on the wrong person with no expected returns and this cost could have been spent in having more friends, finding or furthering your career.

The fourth one is your previous friendship loss. Because you became lover, you lost a friend.

Because love with no result is costly, it hurts so bad when you break up.

On the other hand, because it’s costly, to ensure you are rich enough to date and possibly lose love some day with less pain, you need to preserve a decent amount of saving.

First saving account is your true best friends. Therefore, continue to expand and maintain your strong emotional support social network while dating. Always keep qualified potential soul mates as friends.

Second saving account is the news or stories of tragedy or grief. When you break up, read them, think about how miserable those people are. Compared with theirs, your life is much better, because you are rich enough to date. Or keep a saving account of heart-stirring books or songs. Concentrate your emotion on positive elements without a moment to be depressed. Internet can help you a lot.

Third saving account is the notes of your lover’s strong points and shortcomings. Please have two separate diaries ready for each purpose. When breaking up, simply read the shortcoming diary and tell yourself, “It’s not a regret at all to lose such a person.” But remember, never read it when everything is fine!

Please learn to accept the fact that finding your soul mate is a trial and you may make wrong choice.

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