Tag Archives: Love Respect | Relationship Advice

Nov. 10.

Distance of Beauty


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If the answer of the question “why marriage is love’s tomb” is the vanishing of the feeling to respect love, then how are we going to avoid it?

If a romantic love is high quality, then it will surely turn to a long lasting bond of the couple and the main quality of the feeling is the mutual understanding, mutual trust and the privity of their way of thinking. The couple will have a sense of security and that of sharing the happiness and sadness together. They will feel that they are tied to each other and will never part in their life and that they will face all difficulties together. They will deeply miss each other whenever one is away from the other one.

How are we going to protect this great love? The answer is to keep a right distance, intimate while distant. After marriage, two persons are still individual persons, and need to be respected as individual persons, respecting his personality, his freedom; two persons are still two separate individuals and are not able to become one. Unfortunately, people often get it wrong and take for granted that the couple will be one and that both should keep pace with each other and then the conflicts are never ending.

In fact, family is supposed to become an intimate space for an individual to freely grow and provide the room for love to continue growing. The love living in such a mutually respectful and trustful ambiance will then not be distorted.

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Oct. 15.

Respect Love


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There are men and women who were being in love and when finally get married, they find love is already gone. As a result of getting married, love vanished. That’s what we see on the surface.

Schopenhauer believes that the purpose of love is to get married and the purpose of marriage is to have children. Therefore, love basically is a method and so is the marriage; when the goal is achieved, the method can naturally be ignored. What Schopenhauer wanted to say is “the child is love’s grave”. Schopenhauer tried to see the essence, but he wasn’t able to fully see through the surface and he was on the halfway.

Why is marriage love’s grave? One theory believes when people get married, the spatial distance is shortened and the husband and wife will expose their shortcomings hidden before. The notice of the other one’s shortcomings makes love vanished. Therefore the marriage is love’s grave.

Another theory reveals that two person’s different custom caused the failure of the marriage. Before marriage, the couple was not living together, even if they sometimes stay together. Their habits and custom will not conflict with each other too much. However, when they get married, this difference will possibly conflict with each other, until love finally withers away.

The third theory was called as “Boring”. It believes that people in love are so romantic, but when get married, they have to worry about the daily necessities. Train train quotidian is how so boring. Love is suffered from this kind of boring daily life.

Apart from the “Shortcoming Exposure”, “Custom Conflict” as well as “Boring” theories, there might be other explanations to answer why marriage is love’s grave. Nevertheless, these explanations are surface and they don’t reflect the essence of the problem. The “Custom”, “Shortcomings” and “Boring” are all superficial phenomena and what we can see; there is deeper reason hidden behind.

Why do these explanations only see the superficial phenomenon? This is because men and women in love will possibly fall in love with the other one’s shortcomings, therefore, the “Shortcoming Exposure” will be essentially unsustainable; Similarly, men and women in love will possibly be together because of the different custom and will continue to love each other, which also explains that the “Custom Conflict” will not be tenable; there are also many examples that people love each other in boring environments and love makes the boring life so charming.

Actually the very reason that love vanished is the vanishing of the feeling to respect love. Marriage directly caused the vanishing of this feeling. The vanishing of this feeling can start from one side, or both sides at the same time. The feeling to respect love refers to the feeling that one side “respects” the other one; this “Respect” is not a formula, but an affirmation of the other one’s “Love Value”.

The immediate consequence of marriage is the vanishing of the feeling to respect love. When living together, a couple find it unnecessary to surfacely respect the other one. The politeness is not necessary, the “Appreciation” (this feeling is from heart, but not surface) will therefore also vanish and so will the sacred feeling; this finally causes the vanishing of the feeling to respect love.

What perhaps needs to explain is that, the vanishing of the feeling to respect love might be brought by different “blasting fuses” in different families. In some family it might be due to the “Shortcoming Exposure”, in another family it might be the “Custom Conflict”, or in another family it might be “Monotonous and Boring”. Although in different families the “blasting fuses” might be totally different, they will lead to the vanishing of the feeling to respect love.

Without the feeling to respect love, love no longer exists. As for the “Shortcoming Exposure”, “Personality and Custom’s Differences”, “Life’s Boredom” or so on, it is rather an excuse than a kind of “blasting fuse” to lead to the vanishing of love, an excuse found to explain the cause of the vanishing of love in order to deceive oneself and others.

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Oct. 20.

Better Couple


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10 steps to enjoying each other better…
1. Be realistic about each other. Don’t try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let’s face it, guys-there’s only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give your gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u’re gonna have to do with what your guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what you are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not your fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but you know what? This works with the gals. Don’t make assumptions about each other’s feelings. Learn to xpress yourself better so that your partner understands what you’re angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When you stop talking to each other from the heart, it’s the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together. Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities; something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts you to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if your gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for “that sort of activities” instead. If you’re spending more time with your friends rather than with your partner, it’s a warning sign that you’re drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the “The_Rock” print, you shouldn’t kick up much of a fuss if he asks you to keep your room tidy. There’s gotta be a little giving and taking in a love relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show your love. Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then as your Gifts for her, even if you have been together for 5 years. It’s wonderful to continue showing someone that you care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him Valentine’s Day cards as your Valentine gifts. Knit him mini-socks he can’t wear ( like for decoration purposes ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him as your Gifts for him…so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is you love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other’s feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past. Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don’t bring up the happy things about you and your ex lover to your guy, it would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don’t talk about the happy times that you had with your ex or mention about her in your every other sentence as it would make your gal feel un-happy and she might think that you saying all this b’cos you are gonna get back to your ex or not interested in her anymore.
8. Sit on your jealousy. All of us go thru’ spells of insecurity at the beginning of the love relationship, but don’t translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you’re gonna go through your partner’s mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, you know something is wrong – with you!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru’ the love relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep your commitments to each other. If your partner is standing you up all the time and canceling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk! If you’re in a love relationship, make your partner your priority and don’t disappoint him / her if you can help it. It’s really terrible when someone promises to take you to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to you, you may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest. Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly ! When we say “be honest”, we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you’re hurt, say so, and when you’re angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If you can’t be honest with your partner, who can you be honest with? æ Love is also about honesty, and a love relationship where no honesty exists probably isn’t worth it!

- Unknown

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