What Your Parents’ Relationship Says About Your Future Relationship

If your parents relationship was doomed does that mean yours will be too? Or vice versa? You might be surprised.

He Got Her Parents’ Approval with a Movie

This story is about a couple named John and Stephanie and they met through a very popular website called YouTube. They both loved making videos and they both started to watch each other’s videos without the other person ever knowing. They both started to become big “fans” of each other without ever knowing that the other person knew about the other. John was an avid filmmaker while Stephanie was a very good singer that had her own fanbase. As these two continued to get more popular, they started to think that “I’ll never be good enough.”

After months of watching her videos, John knew that he needed to at least try to talk to her. He mustered up the guts to message and that’s when things started. John and Stephanie added each other on Facebook and they started to “ask questions” that they already knew the answers to because of their videos. They both lived in Sydney, Australia and so the situation could not have been more perfect. However, things got confusing when Stephanie needed to fly to America to continue her career as a nurse. Since things weren’t official yet, Stephanie decided that it would be better to pursue her career and not let John hold her back.

They continued to get closer despite the fact that they were far and only met once. This was very tough on Stephanie since she always followed her parents and they told her that she shouldn’t have a boyfriend yet. John understood and so they stayed very close friends. As the months went by, the two continued to talk and then Stephanie started to have the urge to let her parents know. However, there were two problems that neither one of them could fix. Stephanie’s parents had no idea who John was and since they met online, her parents would instantly think that he is a “stranger.”

John also did not have a stable career yet as a filmmaker and so things just seemed extremely tough for the both of them. They felt stuck and John knew that he needed to fix things. He flew to her parent’s hometown in Orlando, Florida and had a very long talk about how he felt for Stephanie and he even made a movie for them to see just how much he loves her. This was extremely touching for her parents and they knew that John was indeed perfect for her. John and her parents all flew to Stephanie in San Francisco and surprised her and all their problems were finally solved. This love story of John and Stephanie is not the typical story but it is indeed a sign that true love still exists.

After years of waiting, the two were finally reunited outside of the internet world and the two were able to get married. With a wedding that had red roses and everything that you can imagine, one thing that stood out was the amount of guests that had cameras out and they were all making YouTube videos for their own channels.

Bringing My Girlfriend Home for the Holidays

Whether you’ve been dating for almost a year or just don’t want to spend the weekend alone with your crazy family, bringing your girlfriend home for the holidays has its perks. But after the invite, what are you supposed to do? Especially if she’s never met your family before, you can’t just show up unprepared and hope for the best – well not if you want to have a girlfriend by the time Monday rolls around. Read these five tips and don’t mess it up.
Xmas Shopping Couple

Pre-Thanksgiving Feast

Before the holidays, take your girlfriend out to lunch with your sister and her boyfriend or a couple of your close cousins. This will give you an idea of how well she meshes with your family, and it will give her a chance to get out any meeting-the-family jitters. Plus, you want her to feel like she knows someone so you two don’t have to be side by side the whole weekend.

Set the Stage

It doesn’t have to be too detailed, but fill her in on the Thanksgiving dinner itinerary. What should she expect? Does you family have a tradition of eating and lounging around all day or is the weekend packed with food, family, football, shopping, games and more? If your family goes around the table and everyone says what they are thankful for, tell her. Don’t expect that your traditions are hers. She may be used to fancy dishes while your family might be the paper plate type.

Discuss Your Family Dynamic

Talk about your family dynamic. Are they traditional, conservative and formal or sarcastic, loud and a bit unconventional? Try to see your family through someone else’s eyes and give her a description. Prepare her for how right-wing your dad is or that your siblings really like to tease. You will likely show parts of your personality she hasn’t seen before while you are with your family. At least if she knows your mom is quiet or your brother is sarcastic she won’t assume everyone hates her.

Talk to her about sleeping arrangements, dress code and what’s okay and what isn’t. Some families might think texting at the table, spending time alone or talking openly about politics is totally fine. Others might not. Let her know.

Talk About Expectations

Figure out both of your expectations for the holiday. If you want to introduce her to the family and make sure everyone gets to know her, tell her you hope she can connect with your sister or get to know your dad. If you just want to have a good time and she may as well tag along, let her know the weekend will be low key. People tend to cling to what they know in new situations. Let her know beforehand if you plan on spending some time playing ball with the boys or watching TV with the guys while the girls (her included) do some shopping.

Get Everything Out in the Open

Tradition is that meeting the family symbolizes a big step in the relationship – a forward leap toward more commitment and potentially marriage. Others think of it as just another way to spend time together and nothing so dramatic or permanent. Most couples may fall somewhere in between. You don’t have to get all serious on her but if introducing her to your parents or involving her in family activities is kind of a big deal to you, let her know. It’s as simple as saying you don’t often bring girlfriends home to meet the family or your parents have wondered when they’d get to meet her. If it’s nothing like that for you, let her down softly. Make sure you are on the same page so she doesn’t think she’ll be coming home with a ring on her finger.

How to Handle Your Love-Struck Teen

Falling in Love is a natural thing. However, the intensity and its consequences could be different between an adult and a teen. But the actual main difference is its level of maturity. An adult with its grown up experience can handle it better than an adolescent who is on the verge of experiencing what the child thinks as real love. There are many firsts for an adolescent, and falling in love is one of those emotions that your teen will have to go through as part of growing up. The thrill and the excitement of a teen once triggered is quite intense. Factors like watching a movie, reading novels, and seeing the sweetness of an older sibling or neighbors with their partners, could all the more intensify the emotion, and bring them to the imaginative world of romance.

Some parents are not prepared for this new development with their teens. They tend to worry too much especially when they see them running towards the phone or doorbell like never before, with eyes twinkling, and a smile that reaches ear to ear. In addition, they seem to become absent minded all the time. So, what do you do? How do you handle your falling in love teen?

 

Act Natural. My dear parents, your teen did not commit a crime. Don’t panic! Act as though nothing happened. Don’t bombard your teen with probe like questions. Sometimes, overreacting could cause more harm than good. This will only scare your teen away.

Enjoy the moment. You were a teen yourself. You know the feeling of elation. Savor moments like this. It is your teen’s first step towards the long ride to maturity. Most teenage relationships don’t last, particularly, from ages 13 to 15. This will serve as a training ground for them on how to handle future relationships.

Establish a Connection. Don’t be preachy! Once you have dealt with the situation naturally, then the wall that seemed to put your teen on the defensive side will loosen up. Your falling in love teen will be less cautious, and there will be openness between the two of you. Value the trust your teen has bestowed on you.

Casual Reminders. Now that you have bridged the gap, you may even share your own experiences to your teen, and casually remind her that what she may be experiencing is not real love. It could be more of an attraction. But be very careful about this, because your teen may think you don’t understand her at all. Always choose the right words to say.

Listen. This is very important. It is a skill that you have to master with your teen. They want you to listen to what they have to say, and not just the other way around. Don’t treat them as though they don’t know a thing about falling in love. Hear them out.

Elaine Enchiverri is a professional freelance writer who enjoys writing about various topics, including helping parents cope with their teenage children.

Image: Loyal O.A.K.

Do You Need To Ask Permission From Your Child To Date?

Is there really a need to ask permission from your kids to date someone? Well, if you are one of those single parents out there who are looking for some inputs that will enlighten them to have a successful relationship without sacrificing the happiness of their kids, then this article is for you. So, is it really necessary for you to ask permission from your kids to go out on a date?

On Single Parents and Dating: Dealing With The Facts

Some say that single parents are among the strongest persons in the world. Of course, being a single parent means you face great challenges in your life. Although you have suffered a tremendous heartbreak after a divorce or a serious relationship, you need to be strong for the sake of your kids. In spite of your heartaches and problems, you need to put up a happy disposition and portray a happy life in front of your kids.

However, being a single parent doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to fall in love and be happy again. Basically, as mere mortals, human beings feel the longing for happiness in the arms of a loved one. Truth to tell, single parents give all their love and attention to their children; but, deep within, they are also longing for someone to love and care for them. You feel this way, too, don’t you? Well, there is no law which prohibits a single parent to date. This simply means you are free to date anybody you like.

But, the circumstances are no longer the same as when you were still single with no obligation – or “excess baggage” as some people are wont to call it. Single parents need to consider their kids on this issue. You might take it as an ordinary “dating” matter; but, it has a great impact on your kids. Children with divorced or single parents also deal with some emotional issues. Of course, 99{6cfcd0bdce77e89f6643114f1e6c62d79211dd6f899a492316d2f6e8299594ce} of the children whose parents are divorced wish to see their parents together again and live as a happy and complete family. Thus, if they will see you dating another man or woman, there’s a possibility that they will start to behave and act negatively or downright reject the idea.

The Significance of Your Child’s Permission

Dating is a serious matter. It has a major impact on your kids. Children who come from a broken home or who have been raised by a single parent have a greater tendency of becoming more possessive and jealous. If they see you dating, they will start to think that you will soon become unavailable for them and might be leaving them in the near future. In addition, they will notice that you are spending some time with your special someone, which will make them think that you will eventually be spending more time with that other person and will have lesser time for them and that they are no longer important to you.

They will tend to believe that their parents (either mother or father) are being taken away from them by someone who’s unfamiliar to them.

So, why the need to ask permission from your kids to date? Consider these reasons and the following tips to act on them:

Respect their emotions.

Asking permission or getting their opinion simply means one thing; your kids are important to you. Of course, you should not ambush your kids with a fragile statement like “I’m going out on a date tonight.”  Such statement will surely shock and upset your kids. You might think of keeping it as a secret; but, what if your kids will see you one day with that man or woman? That will definitely be undesirable for them.

Involve them in your decision making.

It’s always best to include your children in your decision-making about dating. If you think that they are not yet ready for that, take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into things. Be careful with your decisions on this matter as this will make or break your family again. You might have a new husband but you might also lose your kids.

Get to know their perspectives.

Adults and kids have different perspectives on many things, especially with regards to dating. For sure, single parents who are dating a special someone will feel like it is a new beginning for them. You will feel the happiness and love that you have been longing for from the opposite sex. However, from the point of view of your kids, seeing their mom or dad dating somebody else (aside from their biological father or mother) is uncomfortable and sometimes frustrating. A number of questions will pop into their heads, like what will happen if my mom or dad re-marries? What will happen to me? As a result, they will think and act in undesirable ways just to get your attention.

If you will just consider your kids’ perspective on this issue, you will surely see the brighter side of the situation. Then, you will be able to handle things accordingly, without having to choose between a new partner and your children. It is already a well-known fact that your children must always come first.  So, always keep in mind that parenting is more important than dating.

Teenage Daughter

Is Your Teenage Daughter Old Enough to Date?

When you were a teenager, you probably couldn’t wait to get into a relationship. You wanted to have fun and hang out with members of the opposite sex; it was a very exciting time, when everything was fresh and new. You were having a great time. Your parents, on the other hand, were probably less than thrilled, even though they themselves had been in your shoes many years before.

 

Now you’re a parent of a teenage daughter, and suddenly the tables are turned. You know that dating and going out with friends of both genders is a normal and necessary part of teenage life, but it doesn’t make it any easier for you when your daughter begins to want to date. And because kids are growing up so quickly these days, you’re concerned that she’s still too young. How do you know if your teenage daughter is old enough to date?

Age is More than a Number… But Not Much More

There is no hard and fast rule about when teenage girls are old enough to date. Some parents say fourteen; some parents say sixteen; most parents say not until they’re thirty. It’s easy to say that your daughter has to hit a certain age before she’s allowed to date, and this might work just fine for your family. The truth is, even though teenage girls have varying maturity levels, they don’t vary that much. There is a big difference between a thirteen-year-old and a sixteen-year-old, especially when it comes to friendships, relationships, and the opposite sex. Even if your young teenager is responsible and intelligent, it doesn’t mean she’s ready to tackle the dating world.

What Does “Dating” Mean, Anyway?

If your teenage daughter wants to begin dating, it’s also important to consider what, exactly, she means. If she wants to go out with a boy, is she going to a candlelit dinner or on a drive up to Lover’s Peak? This kind of dating is probably exactly what you don’t approve of. But for young teenagers, a “date” could mean something as simple as going bowling with an entire group of friends (and the boy she likes). Teenagers often want to act older than they really are, but lots of the things they do are still childish, teenage things. If your daughter’s idea of a date means an innocent, chaperoned trip to the mall with all her friends, what is the harm in letting her “date?”

Instilling Good Judgment

Even if you’re tempted to ground your daughter for even mentioning the word “dating”, don’t close your mind so fast. You might not allow her to go on a date, especially if it’s with an older boy or in an uncontrolled environment like his house, but be careful not to let the opportunity to parent go to waste. Talk to your daughter about dating. Not in an embarrassing, lecturing way, but in a way that lets her know you understand her desire to date, and that you’re willing to work on it with her as she gets older to find a solution that makes everyone happy.

Photo Credit: Walter G. Arce

My Parents Think my Boyfriend is not Good Enough for Me

I am currently a uni student in Asia, and my bf is in the states. I wanted to transfer to my bf’s uni, not only because of him, but also because I wanted to switch my major and I like it better the way education is in the states. But my parents think that I wanted to go to the states just because of him, and they strongly disagree with it. They also hate my bf now, and they say that they will never agree and be happy with our relationship.

I have been in a relationship with him for 10 months now and I really love him, and want to have a future with him. I don’t know what I can do to make my parents happy with him. I don’t want a bad relationship between my bf and my parents.

I’m still not giving up on the idea of transferring to a uni in the states, but probably a different one. However my parents still think that I am going for him. My bf and I have talked about it and we decided to work hard together on our studies so that my parents would one day agree and be happy with our relationship.

It just seems so difficult to make my parents be happy for our relationship. They think he is not good enough for me… Please help me out, I am really lost and don’t know what to do! Any advice will be appreciated!!

– dunnowhattodo

We managed to find a shortcut to help you make an informed decision: Please simply take this quiz and you’ll get an answer tailored to your situation.

dunnowhattodo says:
May 17, 2011 at 10:15 am
I have taken the quiz, and the answer was that I am not ready for it yet. But I feel it’s really difficult for me to break up with my bf, or leave a even further distance in between us…
We are trying to support each other to study hard and do what we are supposed to do now.
I just hope that my parents would at least be okay with our relationship, not strong disagreement…

Min Min says:
May 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm
Feelings always trouble humans. You can only see it clearer many years later, so it’s difficult for me to give you any pleasant advice right now.

Peter says:
September 29, 2011 at 1:05 am
I have the same trouble with my gf, too. Her mom won’t allow us being together. So we decide to break up now and hope her mom would agree us after I graduate. But I really don’t know what it will be in the future…

Why Do My Parents Dislike My Boyfriend?

Choice

Lover vs Parents

The related cases we will refer to when we address this topic are under “Lover vs Parents” category.

 

No one can live your life but you.” This is true, however, when your parents dislike your boyfriend, the situation is not so simple and becomes tough.

The first question you should ask yourself is: why do my parents dislike my boyfriend, and what’s more, why do they want me to leave my boyfriend? The answer makes things clear: Your parents love you and want you to live a happy life in the future. Based on their own experiences and knowledge, they are afraid that you will not be happy living with your boyfriend in the future, especially when your boyfriend had a bad past. In this case, your parents are reasonable. If they didn’t care about you, they won’t even be concerned about whom you were with and would just hope you get married and leave them as soon as possible.

If you are seriously being in love with this boy and you want it to last but you don’t want your parents to be mad, then do something to show them how much you love him, tell them why you love him so much and ask them how they would feel if their parents said they couldn’t have had each other.

If you have reasons, your parents will listen and understand you, since they love you. If your parents are not convinced, then it means there’s something wrong and you will probably be aware of what’s wrong. Grecia leos said, “If I would have listened to them [her parents] at the beginning I wouldn’t be here crying.”

On the other hand, I hope that your parents will take the time to discuss their concerns with you instead of simply forbidding you to meet him.

Boyfriend or Parents, that is a complicated question and the answer varies.

We managed to find a shortcut to help you make an informed decision: Please simply take this quiz and you’ll get an answer tailored to your situation.

dieselfit says:
September 9, 2013 at 10:56 am
You make a good point about parents here. Parents will love to listen but I think they are too stereotypical. Sometimes stereotypes do work and parents love using them, but they really don’t know about our choices until they step into our shoes. So until then, they should try to listen to us as much as possible before making the average radical choices that parents make!

Prem says:
September 12, 2013 at 3:42 pm
It’s really a complicated situation when we are stuck between our parents and lover. And how thing changes drastically when we give more love to the lover than parents, why we not thankful to them (parents) first who brought us to this world? Let’s keep this aside now. If you truly love someone wholeheartedly and if you think you can’t live without your lover then you need to work really hard to make your parents like your lover and if you’re smart enough then it’s hardly a matter of time. First ask your lover to be polite and be gentle enough to make an impression. Parents just want their children’s to be happy and they always fear thinking what if their child get into wrong hands and suffer in future, but this could be avoided if you make sure to let your know that your choice not that bad and you’re in safe hands. It will take time but it’s not impossible. One last thing I want to say don’t hurt your parents and go against them at the same time don’t leave your lover too if and only if your LOVE is TRUE.

Boyfriend vs Parents

I love my boyfriend to death we’ve been together almost 2 yrs. We were hiding it from our parents cause I know they wouldn’t like him. I know they know and want me to stop talking to him but I can’t. I love him and don’t want to lose him. Then I don’t want my parents to be mad please help me

– Quit girl

Take the quiz: Boyfriend or Parents?

 

Anonymous says:
March 16, 2009 at 8:07 am
im a 16 yr old….my bf is 29…nw u knw the problems…plz pray for me

jyothi says:
October 11, 2010 at 6:18 am
Uncle (age29) should have some common sense and he should feel ashame upon himself to love a 16 year girl

Dear you are just 16 you are not that matured to have love upon some one tFirst you love your parents and education

Anonymous says:
April 29, 2009 at 8:23 am
ok. under 18 year olds need to stop commenting on this page. Ill tell you exactly whats going to happen. You will run away with the “love of your life” the realities of bills and supporting yourself will hit you and you will realize that your parents had the right idea. I know you think that you are super independent now that you can drive but honestly, you have never lived on your own and have not yet had to deal with adult responsibilities. Until you can support yourself, listen to your parents. They love you and only have your best interests at heart.
oh and to the 16 year old with the 29 year old boyfriend. Hes sick in the head, im pretty sure thats illegal. get out of that relationship you don’t know what you are getting in to.

Anonymous says:
September 22, 2009 at 10:05 am
same here. I’m 20 n my bf is 29. he has made a lot of effort to get my parents’ approval regarding our relationship. our relationship is a bliss. we have no problems accept my parents. for some reasons they disapprove. i think it’s partly because he’s not highly educated, therefor it’s hard for him to be on the same page with them, i.e during conversations. but mostly because of me (i think) because of my past relationships. i used to date those ‘bad boy’ kind of guys. they brought alot of problems. but this time is different. my bf is the best man i’ve ever met. unfortunately i think my parents no longer think that i’m capable of making the right choice for my self. my bf n i have been together for more than a year now. and we’re planning to get married next year. i just dont know how get my parents to approve. fortunately, his family supports us. so i guess i will have to find a way. i know i can never let him go. i love my parents, i really do. but i have to make them realize that this is my life. and i am aware of the consequences of my decisions. they just have to trust me for myself…

Grecia Leos says:
December 7, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I really think that maybe her parents not like him now if you know its for your own good i think it would be better for you to stop talking to him cause hes not good enough for you leave him right now im trying very hard myself to forget that guy that my parents didnt like either i now know i know if i would have listened to them at the beginning i wouldnt be here crying..

Ashley says:
December 7, 2009 at 1:50 pm
You cant help who you care about. if it is love then you pursue it. dont hide you feelings!