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Posts Tagged ‘Narcissist’

Love me

I was compelled to share my experiences with you. I recently decided to finalize a breakup that was lingering in my head for so long. I was dating a true narcissist, who was well aware of his self absorbed tendencies.
He would pressure me to do thing that made me uncomfortable and justified it by saying it would beneift the relationship. Certain sexual positions made me extremely uncomfortable and were painful, but he believed that I should sacrifice once in a while for him. Completely disregarding my feelings. He felt that I was too opinionated and wanted a woman that did not challenge him as much. This was very difficult, but I could notice the slow change already occurring within me. We spent one year teaching overseas, totally disconnected from my social sphere. He acted as if he needed me in his life and that I was everything to him. When we returned, we went to different cities. Days later, he was a changed man, and his true narcissistic tendencies came through.
Above all, I was giving too much. I had enough and chose me… for the first time, I chose to love me more!
Please think about and try to see how important and worthy you are of someone who adores you UNCONDITIONALLY. I believe it will happen for me someday.

- Fresh Wounds

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Narcissistic Husband

I feel like my husband is a narcissist, but can’t be sure. He obsesses over the college where he graduated and everything that he associates with. He displays everything related to his college’s name so he can visibly see the name when he passes by it. He speaks to himself (pretends to be an announcer at one of his college’s games), he speaks in third person always (”Daddy loves you”, “You need to love your husband”, etc.), can’t apologize (if when that miracle happens, it is only spoken as, “My bad”. He has to be forced to apologize and does so in a rage. He has a spoiled brat attitude, deserving and entitled.) He displays overwhelming pride for his relatives, his childhood, friends, etc., as long as that pride is a direct association to who “he thinks” he is. He is right, never wrong and will pass blame or avoid anything that denys him that glory (which happens to be me!). He once said that the reason all my boyfriends broke up with me was because they weren’t going to put up with me. He wasn’t even around at the time I dated the other guys, how would he know this? Furthermore, I broke up with the majority of the guys I dated and had never even discussed this with him. Narcissistic telephathy, I guess!

Am I off the mark or does he seem to be narcissistic? I’m at a loss here.

Thank you.

- Unknown

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I am me

I left a narcissistic man, and he made it his mission to destroy everything in my life because I did leave him for good, for ever, he took all my money, destroyed my business, tried to destroy my relationship with my twin sister and friends.

I was prepared and unprepared, I was prepared in the sense that I knew that he wasn’t going to stop until he totally felt that I was anihilated, and when I was left, broke, homeless, bankrupt,and emotionally scarred for life, he has dismissed me completely.

I didn’t win the battle with him, but I won the war with myself, I know he was awful and disgusting and not someone I could have a happy life with. Money, career, material possessions could ever make up for the feeling that you will be better off without him and his disgusting behaviours.

It has been 8 weeks since I filed a police report against him, 8 weeks since he destroyed my old life, 8 weeks since I have had to listen to him. And I am still picking up the pieces of my life, but I am me now.

- Unknown

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Narcissistic Man

I need to leave my narcissistic man. He’s done everything from taping us having sex to posting it. I was on the airwaves talking about my most private parts and made me the laughing stock of the land. I’m I guess emotionally unstable. I love this wicked narcissistic man and can’t leave him. I tried once I ended up at a mental institution.

- Tanya

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Marriage Counselor

This blog is a free service to give you relationship advice. It answers your questions related to your relationships such as the choice between friend and lover, between lover and parents, or between two women etc.. and covers visitors’ opinions based on their own life experiences as well. The blog discusses about varied personalities and their combination, about the relationships, and about how to build, fix, and solve relationship issues. It includes some tips on forming an agreeable relationship.

However, these relationship advice might not be specific enough for you, especially to solve real-life critical relationship problems and you might consider paid counseling service to save your relationship crisis.

I’m happy to introduce one for you and I find its concept very positive. Instead of advising on giving up an on-going bad relationship, eastbaycouples – marriage counselors in New Jersey is willing to help you restore the love you once had!

The counselor Jay is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and he loves working with couples instead of working only with individuals. This is a great breakthrough! Relationship is about two persons but not simply about an individual, therefore, if there are problems, they are not all caused by the fault of just one of the two persons. If you do think you meet the bottleneck of rescuing your dying but important relationship, I will suggest you to try a licensed marriage counselor who will work with couples.

Amazingly, eastbaycouples also specializes in dealing with narcissists!

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Argue with a narcissist

EVER argue with a narcissist, you can’t get them to be reasonable, fair, kind, decent, or loving (much less force them to tell the truth or take any responsibility for their actions or bad behavior) As someone who grew up surrounded by highly educated, over achieving narcissists (mother, father, older sister) I know firsthand that the only thing that results from arguing with a narcissist is that you will get very hurt, very confused, rather frustrated and angry, and feel completely crazy yourself. (Which to them is a win over you) You are playing a game (and it is a game!) that they invented for themselves to win… and they WILL win, have no doubt. Facts don’t matter to them… truth doesn’t matter to them…YOU don’t matter to them (beyond what strokes their ego or serves their own selfish interests…)
The whole gist of being a narcissist seems to be that nothing matters more to them than their own self image. And those self images have nothing to do with any actual reality… Arguing with a narcissist is never going to alter that, no matter how much you want to believe that there is a good person “somewhere in there DEEP DEEP down”. Save yourself a trip to the rubber room…

- Shoop

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Woman Savers

We have been discussing about narcissists for a while. Now I would recommend you to visit a fascinating place called womAnsavers.com. You can search or post cheating or abusive men on the Internet’s largest database rating men! Would it be helpful if you could talk to a man’s ex-wife BEFORE you got involved? Well, for those women who crazily blindly fall in love with a man, this may not be so mighty; however, for those who are looking for relationship advice and come across this message, this probably helps, in that, those women are relatively rational. Over 25,000 men’s names were entered by women at womansavers.com! Curious? Then pay a visit. It has a relationship forum message board where you can find free abuse recovery advice.

Let’s have a try. When I clicked on “Abuse Help” in the relationship forum, I got a list of topics and I picked one called “How to heal from abuse?” then I read this real-life story and very sincere responses from real people.

One of the replies is very to the point. It says, herself suffered mentally with a man who verbally, emotionally abused her and there’s no way that she could explain her actions to herself, her friends, her children. She wished that he would’ve been a good guy. The bottom line is that anyone who intentionally hurts a loved one, continuously, isn’t a good person. We need to acknowledge that the behavior is destructive, regardless of the label of the abuser. Take back the power; don’t allow him to control you. One’s life is on oneself, not anyone else.

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Responsible

As I mentioned in checklist that narcissists are probably the most responsible people, just like this dialogue in Happy Pie:
- Who is the most responsible?
- The business person, like me.
Narcissists are the most successful people, not only because they are smart, but also, they are responsible and hard-working. Except for Adolf Hitler and a few other narcissists who made huge mistakes (destructive ones), narcissists are still undeniable good candidates for leaders. Be sure to pick out a productive narcissist.

In my humble opinion, behind or beside some elected non-narcissistic leaders, there is likely a narcissist who is the real “conductor”.

My point is, to be too close to a narcissist, especially a destructive narcissist, as a lover, spouse or follower, you need to be a perfect “masochist” and make sure he / she is a productive narcissist who deserves your sacrifice; otherwise, to stay away is wise and the wisest is to “keep him / her at an arm’s length”, and you will be benefited without torture. Narcissists are the most helpful when they are calm.

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Checklist

Of course narcissists also have other traits, but I see them as minor ones; they may help you spot a narcissist, however, they are not vital enough to convince you to stay far away from them.

No one is perfect; we are not sages but humans, and the following mentioned, in my humble opinion, is OK to get along with.

1. a narcissist has fantasies of doing something great or being famous, and often expects to be treated as if these fantasies had already come true. (my note: that’s probably why they do succeed finally)

2. a narcissist has very little interest in what other people are thinking or feeling, unless he or she wants something from them. (my note: you also do want something from them, do you?)

3. a narcissist is a name dropper. (my note: not only narcissists are name droppers)

4. To a narcissist it is very important to live in the right place and associate with the right people. (my note: everyone does)

5. a narcissist takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals. (my note: do you not?)

6. a narcissist often feels put upon when asked to take care of his or her responsibilities to family, friends, or work group. (my note: not really; they are probably the most responsible people, but, it’s also correct that they don’t trust people)

7. a narcissist regularly disregards rules or expects them to be changed because he or she is in some way special. (my note: when it happens, just neglect them)

8. a narcissist becomes irritated when other people don’t automatically do what he or she wants them to do, even when they have a good reason for not complying. (my note: this one is somewhat similar to “poor loser” rule, however, if you choose to stay, just comply)

9. a narcissist reviews sports, art, and literature by telling you what he or she would have done instead. (my note: you just need to listen and this may challenge your imagination)

10. a narcissist thinks most criticisms of him or her are motivated by jealousy. (my note: so don’t criticize)

11. a narcissist regards anything short of worship to be rejection. (my note: this one is similar to admiration rule)

12. a narcissist suffers from a congenital inability to recognize his or her own mistakes. On the rare occasions that he / she does recognize a mistake, even the slightest error can precipitate a major depression. (my note: if it’s a congenital inability then forget it; to prevent them from being depressed and meanwhile keep yourself from being depressed, either you keep distance or are determined to sacrifice yourself)

13. a narcissist often explains why people who are better known than he or she is not really all that great. (my note: storyteller)

14. a narcissist often complains of being mistreated or misunderstood. (my note: he / she might be right; you are not able to fully understand him / her, including his / her congenital inability, until you read this)

15. People either love or hate the narcissist. (my note: what about you?)

Who will fall in love with a narcissist? Interestingly, a paranoid partner. Why? Simply, the paranoid partner has low self-confidence, therefore, he / she will admire a narcissist and show the most admiration and far more than the rest of the world, and this satisfies the narcissist so well. When a narcissist meets a paranoid partner, admiration need meets infatuation, the narcissism and the paranoia can never be cured.

So a narcissistic or paranoid partner will love a narcissist, and others will hate.

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Narcissist vs Guardian

Most people are in some way narcissistic or have the trait, but the “narcissists” we are discussing here are those whose narcissism has been enlarged to the extreme extent that it severely affects people around them.

There’s a theory out there that believes that most well-known successful people are narcissists, while I have a different view. In that theory, all those famous people who have different temperaments, defined in Dr. Keirsey’s relationship book “Please understand me 2″, are labeled as narcissists, including Bill Gates and the like, which I can’t seem to agree. I may not have the right to say so, in that, I had no chance living in a life close to them to proof it. However, in that theory, it mentions four types of people: narcissist, sensualist, utilitarian and marketing, and they are exactly what Dr. Keirsey describes as guardian, idealist, rational and artisan, in this case, I would say, Bill Gates is not a narcissist, at most, he is a narcissistic rational.

The theory also classifies narcissist as productive and destructive narcissist, therefore, the tough-minded guardian is probably the destructive narcissist we are talking about. They are the most successful type of people outside the United States, in that, more people tend to follow them in a non-democratic society.

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