Tag Archives: Relationship Book

I know what your thinking
Dec. 07.

First Date

Purpose of First Date

The ultimate goal of dating is to find your soul mate; however, we constantly find ourselves involved in other relationships or friendship along the way. After the initial meeting, we may perceive our date as a sexual partner, friend, or lover.

A Successful First Date

A successful first date highly relies on the similarity of the expectations of both parties. When the expectations match, both are relaxed and have fun, therefore, more dates can be followed.

If both the guy and the girl are looking for a romantic relationship then both feel comfortable when someone makes a move. The same applies to a sexual relationship.

If both the guy and the girl are looking for a friendship then both feel comfortable without worrying that the other person might make a move.

Nevertheless, when the expectations differ, one person will feel uneasy and this first date will be awkward.

What Women Want

1. A polite gentleman, a real prince charming;

2. To establish friendships and have fun on a first date;

3. More relationship-oriented than sexual-oriented;

4. Sexually more reserved.

What Men Want

1. Higher expectation for sexual goals;

2. More likely to misinterpret women’s stimuli as a sign of sexual intent;

E.g. Men might find tickling sexual while women might just perceive it as joking around.

You might want to check out the book “I Know What You’re Thinking” written by the body language expert Lillian Glass, to learn more about what your date is thinking.

I know what your thinking

3. Men may regard some sexual advances as appropriate while women may not;

4. Men may interpret a style of dress or a woman accepting a drink at his place as the sexual readiness.

To understand men or women better, avoid misinterpretation, and succeed on your first date, you might need to watch “What women want” or “He’s just not that into you”.

The shortcut to conclude your fist date: a goodbye hug is usually a sign of friendship while a goodnight kiss makes a world of difference.

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Jun. 14.

Idealist Temperament

Ever since I can remember, I have always had a curiosity for this deep inner knowing of “Self”. This all consuming and magnificent obsession has driven me to find new answers about human behavior. I recently ran across the relationship book “Please Understand Me 2” and found that I was a Champion/Healer Idealist temperament.

I am struggling at the moment with a similar feeling of loneliness and alienation. I live in one of the most conservative and traditional areas in the country and find myself constantly curious about others behavior.

I ended up marrying a traditional Provider Guardian and have just really realized that I have tried to change her for the last 7 years of our marriage. I am deeply longing for connection and a “soul mate”, an understanding and a genuine sense that I am known (as described in the Idealist mates profile).

How do I deal with the fact that the person I am with doesn’t understand or maybe even isn’t possible of understanding what I am longing for in a connection with her? When I bring it up or try to communicate in any way it is perceived that we are just different and maybe not meant for each other.

I am at a loss and feel like you may have some insights about relationships dealing with this sort of dilemma. Specifically, about the internal struggles of the Idealist understanding the specific temperament of their mates, but resentful that their perceived notion cannot reciprocate the understanding. I guess what I want to know is, what do we do now that we know more about ourselves and the motivations that drive our sense of self. How can I address the loneliness?

- Unknown

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He's just not that into you
Feb. 10.

Not that into u

I am 17, and recently, I’ve been very much attracted to this guy who I’m in an after school activity with. Earlier at the start of the activity, about 5 weeks ago or so, he admitted, during a rousing game of “Truth” with a few other friends, he had a crush on me at one point! That was when I started looking at him in a different way, and thinking I really liked him. I completely disregarded that he had also mentioned 2 other girls (the specific question was ‘Who amongst the girls here have you liked, if any?) and was just flattered he mentioned me. Slowly, but steadily, I confirmed to myself and pretty much everyone in the activity that I liked him, including one of the other girls he’d mentioned.

I wasn’t too worried about the other girls, as one had a steady boyfriend, and I thought the other did too, but recently, the 2nd girl and her boyfriend broke up. And I found out my crush and this girl had almost dated. Immediately, I panicked. She was my real competition, and they were much closer friends than he and I were. She and I chatted, being very good friends, and she gave me permission to ‘go for it’ as she had just gotten out of her relationship and claimed she didn’t want to go into another one.

Now, I forgot to mention that recently, I had one of my friends say to the guy “You know [me] likes you, right?” And he just said, in a very neutral way, “Yeah, it’s kinda obvious.” I should have known then to drop it. I even told myself ‘He probably likes the 2nd girl, and she likes him, so this is entirely moot.’ However, my friends fed my broken heart, and after much debating, a few nights ago, I wrote him a very brief e mail basically saying “I like you – I wanted to be straightforward – I’m not expecting anything – Just want you to think about it” and had asked my best girlfriend and best guyfriend to proofread the note and they both okay’ed it. My guyfriend even convinced me that at the LEAST my crush will be flattered to receive the note.

He's just not that into you

Alas, the day after I sent the e mail, I checked out the woman’s bible for dating: He’s Just Not That Into U and learned that all of our self convincing and hoping was for naught. The honest truth is that he knew I liked him, and he didn’t care, and didn’t reciprocate those feelings, and I should have let it go because he’s just not that into me. If a guy wants you, HE will make the effort to be with you. The simple truth is that boys don’t like to be chased. And sometimes that means that you’ll feel idle, ‘waiting’ for a guy to make a move, but after you flirt, and put yourself out there a bit, and if nothing comes of it by his way, nothing will, and you have to accept that.

If anything, I wish I could go back in time, and just not sent the e mail, I would. And I have a strong notion he rarely checks his e mail, and by the time he gets it, he could be dating the other girl and even if they don’t date… talk about an awkward situation I’ve made for myself. I now am still hopeful, because that is just the pathetic girl’s nature, but I do know and accept that he’ll probably start dating the other girl, and even if he doesn’t, I do know for a fact that I am somehow going to receive a polite rejection from him, and I’ll have to be okay with that. To make my insanely long story short (I guess I’m just feeling chatty tonight) if he can make a move, and he’s not, then he’s simply not that into u. PLEASE read the relationship book; it has officially shamed me and my pushy girl ways. It has changed the way I will forever date.

- Unknown

Min Min’s notes: Can you tell if he’s into her by the following pictures?

Is he into her?

Is he that into her?

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