Some people are born naturals when it comes to picking up ladies – they are smooth, they are confident, and they know how to use just the right amounts of charm to let a woman know that they’re interested without scaring them off. However for the rest of us it isn’t quite so easy – and many of us find that talking to members of the opposite sex can be awkward, embarrassing and ultimately disastrous if we say the wrong thing, choke or are too cautious to make a move.
Fortunately though if you aren’t gifted in picking up women naturally it is still something you can learn and there are various different techniques that can be employed which will help anyone – even someone who’s shy and awkward – to find a date in a bar or club. Here we will look at some ways you can turn yourself into a Lothario using smart strategies.
The first thing that makes life difficult for most shy-guys trying to pick up women in a bar is the act of having to go up to one to talk to them – which means leaving their friends and potentially being rejected/coming across sleazy.
This is also an inefficient way to chat up women when you consider how many you’d have to approach to find the right one and how long this can take out of your night. Much smarter then is to suss out the situation before hand by using eye contact to establish interest. You can be relaxing at the bar, or just talking to friends, but the general idea is to look around the room and try catching the eye of women as they’re chatting or dancing. When you do, try flashing them a smile that lets them know you’re interested and then gauge the reaction. If they look repulsed then nothing is lost and you can simply turn to the next woman with no embarrassment necessary, but if they are interested you should find they either smile back (an open invitation to approach) or even come over to you.
If they’ve given you the nod to show they’re interested then that’s when you should go over to chat – either alone or in a group. There are many chat up lines and moves that you read about online to attempt here, but if you aren’t natural at it you’ll just come off as awkward. The best chat up line then for most people is a simple ‘hi’ followed maybe by ‘having a good night?’. That gets you chatting and is honest, open and straightforward.
One strategy here that is useful though is to start off chatting to the entire group. This works well because it plays them off against one another and gets them competing for your attentions (while subtly knocking the confidence of the one you made eye contact with). Furthermore it makes you look much less sleazy and much more like a nice, fun guy who just wants to chat.
Making Your Move
You can’t do this all night though or you’ll just have had a night of chatting to a group of people and go home their best mate. Once you’ve established yourself as a chatty and fun guy then, offer to buy the girl you’re interested in a drink and place your hand on the small of her back when you offer. This will re-establish that it’s her you’re interested in, and it gives you a chance to be alone with her while you wait for her drink. Now chat to her while you get the drink and see if you can hold her attention without going back to the group. If all seems to be going well then suggest moving to the dance floor and that’s when you can make your move proper – by dancing gradually close until you’re hugging and then making the easy and logical next move to kiss. Win.
Alex Thomas is a known social personality who loves partying and clubbing.