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Posts Tagged ‘Trust’

Trust Love

I’ve been with a man for about two years. It seems no matter what I do, I can’t get him to realize that I love him. Sometimes, I don’t even know why we’re still together. I ask him, “Why don’t you think I love you?” and he says, “Oh, it’s just a gut feeling.” Every day, I try to convince him that I love him, but instead of taking notice of what I do, he simply focuses on what I do NOT do (I have a declining sex drive due to a lot of stress). Even with my declined sex drive, I cuddle with him, kiss him, build him up, do things with him, and tell him REPEATEDLY that I love him. But it never gets through. Frankly, I’m losing patience. Why should I keep telling him if he’ll never believe me? What should I do?

- Brian

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Trust Love

Worst Mistake

I have been with my husband for almost 12 years now and we have 2 kids together. I cheated on him about a year ago and it was the worst mistake I have ever made and now he is cheating on me and doesn’t want to be with me, he says that he loves me but he isn’t being in love with me and that he can’t trust me.

- Melanie

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Worst Mistake

Paranoid Partner

In “Break up” we discussed about the Breakup Cost of Love and the Love Saving Account you need to accumulate to ensure you are rich enough to date and possibly lose love someday with less hurt. In “Love with no Result” we summarized 8 foremost preconditions to ensure a successful love journey with apparently more chances. In “Narcissist” we discussed about a personality disorder to help you spot it at the early stage of your dating and make an informed decision.

Today we will move on to another personality disorder; it’s called “Paranoia”. The most explicit sign of a person with paranoia is that he is overly or constantly suspicious. A paranoid person grasps any single piece of evidence that supports his mistrust and ignores or misinterprets any other evidence to the contrary in order to confirm his doubts, and he continually does so. A person suffering from paranoia continues to question the loyalty of others.

So how will a paranoid partner possibly hurt you if he is just on his guard to protect himself? When you start to date with him and when his love for you goes intense, you will get the answer. In a love relationship, this suspicion usually exhibits unreasonable jealousy.

Jealousy on small doses is cute and essential on a relationship. It is a sign that your partner is being in love with you. It sparks passion and romance, and can enhance a couple’s devotion to each other.

However, when it’s too much and out of control it will eventually destroy the relationship between you and your partner, because it eats away at the one thing that holds you together: Trust. Overdose jealousy leads to numerous fights that totally expose your negative qualities.

For a person with paranoia, jealousy is a byproduct of his own issues with low self-confidence and low self-esteem. To protect himself, he sees other people’s intentions as negative, rather than finding any fault in himself.

Therefore, it’s important for you to find a confident person who “matches” you to date. Please do not humor your paranoid partner who tortures you in the name of “love”. The more you humor him, the crazier he will become, the deeper you will be trapped in, the more breakup cost of love you will face in the future.

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Paranoid Partner

Being in Love

What’s the difference between being in love and love?

Building a love relationship is like building a bridge over a river. Being in love is like crossing the river in winter. The river freezes over and we can walk across. It’s effortless and exciting.

Anyway, summer comes, the ice turns to liquid and we’ve lost our natural bridge. The ice bridge relies on the weather, and we realizes that we need a real bridge that endures through every season in order to cross the river and reach the other side or just to keep the excitement of crossing the river.

Being in love is romantic, but life is realistic; crossing the river over the ice bridge is thrilling, but the weather changes, and there’s nothing that the effortlessness can maintain.

We can make use of the ice while we build a more durable bridge of wood, brick or steel. Likewise, while we’re being in love we can build a lasting love relationship based on respect, trust, and friendship. When we’re being in love we want to spend all our time with the other person, and it’s a perfect opportunity to get to know each other better, so we can know how best to love the other one.

Being in love provides you with a gifted opportunity and strong desire and energy to preserve the love. If the bridge you build is durable, you keep your love being in love; if the love relationship lacks respect, trust or friendship, then you will eventually end up falling out of love.

We thought that we were deeply in love, but some day when we looked back we suddenly found it so vague; the deepest love must grow with time.

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Being in Love

Depressed boyfriend

I have been dated my boyfriend almost a year now. I trust him but everytime he goes somewhere with friends he lies about where he’s going to be at. Couple of days later, he then tells me where he went. Some days he becomes depressed and doesn’t want to talk at all. How could I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend while trusting him at the same time? How can I handle the sign of his being depressed at times.

- Unknown

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Depressed boyfriend

Trouble trusting boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year 8 months now. I’m still having trouble trusting him. He’s gave me a million reasons for me to trust him. Even his friends told me he is the most faithful person they know. In my past relationships I’ve been cheated on many of times. When he goes out, I always ask him questions like “were there girls there? did they touch you? did u flirt with them?” It’s tearing us apart. We both want to be together for the rest of our lives. We recently had a conversation about this whole trust issue and we almost broke up over it. He told me that if we have to have this conversation again its over. Please help, our relationship is a stake because of me. I want to be able to trust him, I just have a mental block in my head. I suppose I’m doing this to protect myself from getting hurt again. That’s probably why I ask all those questions.

Thank you,
Kalena Lawson

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Trouble trusting boyfriend

Don’t trust her

Hi, I need TRUTHFUL relationship advice.
My girlfriend and I met 18 months ago and since then we have been living together for about a year. She has been married six times and has gotten a divorce every time. I have never been married or been in a truly serious relationship until now. We told each other all the things that two people say when they are passionately being in love. We discussed everything in our lives with each other and made plans and decisions for a permanent relationship. I even gave up my job so we could work around hers, since her job was more established and secure. There are many other things that were discussed that I could include in this message but it would be too long.
Now, she wants to give up on this relationship without telling me all the TRUTHFUL reasons why. I expressed to her from the very beginning that her relationship track record was bad and that I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time that I met her, but the fact that we both agreed this relationship was for real and we could make commitment to it, we decided to RISK it.
My values are the most important thing to me and TRUST is at the very top of the list, which I expressed to her. How can someone be so cruel to fake a relationship, commitment, and LOVE? She tells me that she will LOVE me forever, no matter what happens, but why should I believe her. She has already broken my TRUST. It’s not the fact she has broken this trust that frustrates, it’s the fact that I don’t TRUST what she tells me anymore. Am I fighting a loosing battle? I hate to walk away from something that I put so much effort and sacrifice into. She has some serious issues that she needs to work on, and we have discussed them, but for whatever reason, she wants to end the relationship.
By the way, she has wanted to end the relationship many times before only to change her mind. Not because she wanted to work on herself or the relationship, but because of the reasons that I still don’t know. She has also left once only to call me and wanted to get back together. All of these actions are things that I’m analyzing and trying to come to a decision. There is much more that I could include but I’m hoping someone can give me some relationship advice on what I’ve written. Thanks for all of your help.

- Mike

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Dont trust her

Distrust

Here’s a my situation. My girlfriend of 8 months constantly asks and questions every move I make. She even checks my cell phone when Im out of the room. This has gone on 46 out of the 8 months we have been together. I take her on trips. I moved her in with me and pay all the bills. It’s who I am to be the provider. On top of all that I’m not a cheater! We stay @ home the majority of the time and really never go out with friends although I would like to more. Recently I went out with sum friends and begged her to come. She just didn’t want to go. I finally said I gotta get out and see some friends. 20 minutes later I’m getting phone calls from my girlfriend threatening our relationship and out looking 4 me. She shows up in the parking lot and is checking up on me. What do I do? Here I could write a book with other episodes. I think I am a little mad that I am in this situation but I really do care 4 this woman. I want to fix it but is it a lost cause 4 me to play doc?

- Unknown

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Distrust

Better Couple

10 steps to enjoying each other better…
1. Be realistic about each other. Don’t try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let’s face it, guys-there’s only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u’re gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don’t make assumptions about each other’s feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner understands what u’re angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it’s the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together. Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for “that sort of activities” instead. If u’re spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it’s a warning sign that u’re drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the “The_Rock” print, u shouldn’t kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There’s gotta be a little giving and taking in a love relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show ur love. Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then, even if u have been together for 5 years. It’s wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine’s Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can’t wear ( like for decoration purposes ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him…so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other’s feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past. Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don’t bring up the happy things about u and ur ex lover to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don’t talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b’cos u are gonna get back to your ex or not interested in her anymore.
8. Sit on ur jealousy. All of us go thru’ spells of insecurity at the beginning of the love relationship, but don’t translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u’re gonna go through ur partner’s mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong – with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru’ the love relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep ur commitments to each other. If ur partner is standing u up all the time and canceling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u’re in a love relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don’t disappoint him / her if u can help it. It’s really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don’t make promises u can’t keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest. Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly ! When we say “be honest”, we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u’re hurt, say so, and when u’re angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can’t be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? æ Love is also about honesty, and a love relationship where no honesty exists probably isn’t worth it!

- Unknown

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Better Couple