Narcissists are not only successful in their way; they also need to constantly convince others that they are the best, the smartest, the most talented, and they never tire of doing so. If it means they must devalue others, then they devalue.
It’s something they cannot live without. It’s also something others can’t really live with. It is not enough to avoid saying you are better than or as good as them: you must tell them they are the best. Even that is not enough; they must reinforce their belief that they are the best by pointing out that you are inferior.
The way how a narcissist constantly affirms his position of being the best can extend to even the tiniest unimportant matter. One of my ex-boyfriends used to compare his mother with mine, his sister with my brother. He even compared the brand of his speakers with mine even though that the two brands are equally good or actually mine is better (I don’t really care about this point) It’s their helpless self-esteem that means they can never come second.
My bottom line is not to be hurt; above this line, if you have to lie to yourself to gain success, if you have to say how good you are to confirm your position, it’s OK, I can smile and think about something else. However, below this line, it’s not necessary for me to endure. I will leave you.
That’s what a narcissist is truly afraid of. To be abandoned is the most severe denial of his self-esteem in terms of the excessive admiration he is seeking. He will do anything to get you back, to make up. If it means being violent, then he will be violent; if it means to threaten, then he will threaten.
What’s your reaction? Be afraid and go back to him? Then you repeat your mistake. When he gets you back, everything will be the same and he must continue his self-esteem reinforcement in all matters.
Do narcissists fall in love? No, a narcissist cannot fall in love because he is too much in love with himself. He does not care about what you think, as long as you are there to boost his ego. He feels comfortable as long as you still follow him.
I feel lucky I finally left that ex-boyfriend. He kept writing to me for a whole year after that but I never read his letters.
To hurt his self-esteem is not my intention; to live a life without him is what I want. He may be successful. It has nothing to do with me. I just feel sorry for his present spouse. I can’t help her even though I know what kind of life she is living.
Can a narcissistic guy ever make a loving relationship work? I don’t think so.
November 27, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I agree whole heartedly. My narcissist ex and his crazy narcissist mother have been hunting me down for over two years. They harass my friends and family without having any remorse. They lack even the slightest bit of manners and behave as though my friends and family are obligated to tell them where I am just by virtue of them being who they are. When my friends and family do not “operate” the way they want. They try to harass them further and become more ill-mannered. Which actually works in my favor because then my friends and family see why I left in the first place. The concept that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is wasted on them. They see no reason to be nice to people who have broken the rules by not conceding to their greatness.