A few years ago, my only tip for asking a woman out on Facebook would be this: don’t. Arranging a date over the web? So tacky, and even if you were meeting on a dating site I would recommend waiting until you had a phone number and then calling to arrange a get together. But, as I said, that was a few years ago, and the rules have shifted.
Social networking has largely changed the way we communicate. No longer is it strange to go to Facebook to speak to someone before picking up the phone. Even using phones is less common now than text messaging. A little crazy? For an old fashioned kind of person like me, a bit. But etiquette has evolved with technology.
Keeping this in mind, I no longer think it is a misstep to turn to Facebook as a dating tool. I do believe, however, that there is a good and a bad way at approaching it. Hopefully, these tips will keep you in the ‘good’ and so more successful line of things.
Tip #1 – Facebook Is Not A Dating Site
I know what I just said about it being an acceptable way of asking someone out. I stand by that statement. However, I don’t want you to think that means Facebook is a dating site, because it isn’t. A tool, yes. A place where people specifically set out to meet potential mates, no.
This is an important distinction, because it will help to regulate your behavior. For example, say you see a random photo of a woman and think, “Man, I could tap that”. So you go for the add friend button. Seems logical enough right?
The problem is that I guarantee she will have gotten this from a number of sleazy guys who have been bothering her in the past. Either she will reject your request, or accept it and be on guard when you speak to her. Primarily because she is not on there to date; she is on there to use the site for what it was intended for: sharing things with people she actually knows, and probably playing Mafia Wars.
Which leads us to tip number two…
Tip #2 – Make Sure You Know Her, First
Adding a random chick you don’t know is creepy behavior. Adding someone you have met before, knew in the past or even just has mutual friends is not. This gives you a direct line of contact, giving her a reason to trust you. Sending her a friend request when there is at least a mutual contact will keep her from immediately thinking you are some creeper looking to drool over her holiday photos.
Not only does this give you a foundation, but you will be able to message her for a chat. This is important, as you want to have a conversation first, right? Just asking her out would be the equivalent of jumping out from the bushes with a bouquet of flowers and requesting her to join you in your murder van. Not smooth.
Tip #3 – Breaking The Ice and Casual Plans
Facebook makes breaking the ice with someone so simple. Start by paying attention to a few of their status messages and photos (don’t overdo it!), and leaving comments and likes. From there, take a look at their interests and find things you have in common. Maybe it is a band, movie or book. Bam! Immediate ice breaker for a private message.
Once you have been chatting awhile, you will see if you guys hit it off. Believe it or not, this acts as a kind of pre-date. You might find that you don’t like her as much once you have spent some time conversing.
But if you do, you can bring up an event or maybe getting together. If there is a spark, she will feel it too, so asking her out on something casual won’t be remiss. Or, you can see what mutual events you will be attending and see about going together.
That is all it takes, just three tips and you can use Facebook to ask a girl out on a date. Maybe they will work; maybe they won’t. But if they don’t, it is probably because there was just no interest on her part, and it is best to move on.