I have been married to a woman I absolutely adore for 2 years. At times she has expressed being unhappy, but she always realized that with our current situation, she needed to give it time.
To give some background, here is our current situation: we live 3 hours apart, in separate states, but we see each other every weekend. She refuses to move to where I am, and I have no problems moving to where she is except that I would need to switch careers and take a severe pay cut to make it work.
I never expressed unhappiness about our situation, but it is a difficult one. We so badly want to be with each other every day.
Well, the issue here is this: now she is totally happy, and I am unhappy. I am unhappy because she is unaffectionate. I am not talking about bedroom performance because that would make me shallow. I am talking about cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc. She is very unaffectionate, and I am very affectionate. Furthermore, I am growing increasingly unhappy with our living situation. I have been trying to find a way for 2 years to get myself up there, but to this point it has been a financial impossibility. And with her refusing to move down here, I can’t and won’t force her into anything. But I am the type of guy who wants to be able to come home every night if I am with someone.
I have never cheated on my wife or any previous girlfriend I ever had. But here is where the struggle comes in. I met a woman who is clearly affectionate and who wants to be with me. As far as compatibility goes, she has what I am lacking in my current marriage. She is affectionate, and I can actually physically see her every day, not just weekends. I do find myself thinking about this other woman and wondering what it would be like to be with her. I know I have probably already cheated on my wife emotionally, even though I haven’t laid a finger on this other woman, and this bothers me.
I have never cheated, I don’t believe in divorce, and I don’t want to break my wife’s heart by walking out on a marriage that is increasingly making me unhappy. To do any of these would go against my scruples, making my decision harder.
Is my communicating with this other woman revealing traits that my marriage doesn’t have? If so, how do I fix it? Should I stop talking to this woman, even though I believe she could make me happier? Or is this an infatuation that I have with this woman, and by ceasing to further communicate, all my struggles will go away? I don’t know. That’s why I need relationship advice.
I love my wife to death, and I know she loves me too. I can’t continue hurting her, even though she doesn’t know what I am doing.
What do I do?