How To Dress For A First Date

 

Here’s how to dress for a first date

Whether you have been on the dating scene for some time or have recently just got back into dating, knowing what to wear for a first date can be very difficult.

While you want to dress smart and make a good impression, you also don’t want to go over the top! A first date can be very exciting, especially if you really like the person you are going on a date with, so looking and feeling your best is essential.

However, going on a first date can also be anxiety-provoking at the same time. What if there is no conversation?

But also, what should you wear?! Well, look no further as here is the ultimate guide to how to dress for a first date!

Stay True to Yourself

Even though it can be tempting to wear something completely different from what you would usually wear to impress your date, it is important that you stay true to yourself and stick to your usual style.

The clothes we wear say a lot about ourselves, so let your personality be reflected in the outfit you decide to wear.

A first date isn’t the time to go out and try a brand-new style of clothes as you need to feel confident, so resist the temptation to go and buy a new outfit and stick with something that you already own and feel great in!

Be Comfortable

When planning your first date outfit, it is important that you consider what you will be doing on the date and let this influence the clothes you decide to wear.

For example, if your date will be something active and outdoors, then you should wear appropriate footwear and avoid high heels.

If you are going on a date during the daytime, then you should think about wearing a cute but comfortable outfit, such as jeans and a cute tee.

Don’t Forget to Accessorize!

When it comes to deciding on what to wear for a first date, many of us are guilty of focusing entirely on the items of clothing and forgetting to consider what accessories are needed to complement the outfit.

Adding accessories to your outfit is a great way to give a hint of something personal to your look.

For example, consider adding something designer as an accessory, such as the Saint Laurent bags you can find at popular online luxury fashion designer SSENSE.

Here you will find every designer accessory you can think of!

Wear Clothes That Fit You

Even though this may sound really obvious, it is important to remember to only wear clothes that fit you. This means avoiding clothes that are too small as well as too big.

If you are feeling self-conscious you may be tempted to wear something baggy but by wearing something that fits, you will feel much more confident.

By following these tips, you will be able to look and feel great ready for your first date and you may even be one step closer to finding ‘the one’!

FREE COACHING VIDEO: How To Get A Man To Commit.

Pexels photo 837254 2

Learn How To Get Him To Chase You And Commit WITHOUT Having To Force, Beg Or Manipulate Him!

Learn the 3 proven secrets that will make him scared to ever lose you!

How 1 Corinthians Works For Dating

 

Christian dating couple taking advice from 1 Corinthians

Love has many forms in the Bible. We know of ‘Agape’, (God’s divine love), ‘Philia’ (brotherly love), and ‘Eros’ (erotic love), for example. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is probably the most popular scripture reading at weddings but its instructions can be used for all of these types of love, and more. You can also turn to these verses when you are looking for a romantic relationship and apply them to dating too.

God’s ways are perfect and if we hold these instructions up to high esteem then love will be a lot smoother! Here’s how that passage from 1 Corinthians could apply to dating…

Love is…Patient

This means being patient with each other in a relationship, but also being patient on the journey to meeting someone with whom a great relationship can be built. Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best, if that is what He has in store for your life. Be patient, and seek God. Don’t try to rush things, but enjoy each stage as it’s a gift from God.

Love is…Kind

Be kind when you meet new people – they may not be what you expect, what you’re hoping for, or what you think you need in a partner, but they are still loved by God and we should aim to bless them even if it doesn’t lead to anything more. Have an open mind – people can surprise us in the best ways – but, whatever happens, kindness goes a long way.

Love does not envy

Don’t resent others for their relationships, what they have, or what they appear to have. You never know the full story or what their background has been. We can all be clever at showing what we want others to see, rather than reality! Rest in the knowledge that no one has it all together! Be grateful for what God has given you and find contentment in that – even if that’s not always easy. Do not resent the other person either when dating, but instead, encourage, build up, be pleased for them.

Christian dating couple 1 Corinthians adviceLove does not boast, it is not proud

Be mindful of others. Plastering a new relationship all over social media can sometimes be inconsiderate of those who are desperate to find love. However there is a place for the right sort of pride, when you’re thrilled for another person, or when you want to express that. Enjoy and appreciate your own situation; don’t fall into a battle of comparison. Celebrate, but don’t boast. Be careful that you are honest about who you are and your hopes without boasting when getting to know each other too. Be grateful for what God has given you and find quiet contentment in that.

Love does not dishonour, it is not self-seeking

Be honourable in your search for love. If you are meeting up with someone and it appears to be going well, then be respectful each other’s expectations and boundaries. Honour the person you are seeing and give them time and effort, for however long that should be. Be careful not to be selfish in your search either; we all have to compromise in relationships. Love is about the other person and not about you. If the other person thinks the same way, then that’s when a beautiful, godly, loving relationship occurs.

Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs

When dating it’s important to start a new page. The past is the past (unless there are red flags and things to be aware of). We all have a past and we all have a future…but we can’t have the future unless we accept the past has happened and move on and learn from it. God doesn’t bring up forgiven sins and nor should we.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

Keeping a relationship centred on God is vital. Rejoice in the gospel together, put God first. Worship, pray and read the Bible together, don’t get involved with things that are not of God. Building a new relationship it is necessary that God is at the forefront, and honesty is at the core.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

Boundaries and expectations are important to discuss and clarify when searching for love, from initial dating and beyond. Even if the relationship does not progress beyond a first date, be reliable; someone’s past and their hopes for the future are very personal and should be respected and protected. Dating means that you’re opening up and being vulnerable with the other person as you get to know each other. You need to know that you can trust each other, protect each other’s hearts and always persevere in making the relationship the best it can be.

God’s idea of love is perfect, as God is love. Love is a gift from God, so cherish it both when searching for and also when finding it. Alongside these verses from 1 Corinthians, what other Bible passages have you found helpful?

Find out more about Christian Connection and how to join.

8 Simple Date Ideas That’s Inexpensive And Fun

Enjoy the outdoor arts: During the summer, art is all around. For those that love art, summer is a perfect opportunity to experience creative expressions of art, with your date. Check with your local community groups, parks and recreation centers to find outdoor art activities, ranging from paintings, drawings, music, to performance arts, like plays. Local parks and recreation departments, offer outdoor event in the summer. There may be a free ravinia symphony concert for you and your date to enjoy, along with other forms of music to listen to, all for free.

Have a Picnic! It’s a great way to enjoy a date, by having a picnic in the park or near the beach. Just before dusk, grab a cozy blanket, head out to the park or beach, with some wine. Take some finger foods, cheeses, and fresh fruits to munch, with some paper plates, napkins, and cups. Don’t forget to bring some candles to glow beneath the dark sky. As the stars come out, turn on some soft romantic music and cuddle together as you enjoy each other conversation in the warm night air.

Take a walk together. It’s very romantic! For an easy and carefree date idea, tuck your feet inside of some comfortable walking shoes. You can walk along the beach or park. Or you can check out some historic buildings, landmarks in the downtown area. You can walk along the beach or park, listen to the birds chirping or just watch the sunset as it closes out the day. If there’s a place in your community, where a few nature trails are found, you and your date and stroll along the paths.

Plant a tree together. Every spring some local parks districts, plant new trees to replace the older ones when they die off. Where you live, they may invite the public to help. For a fun idea, head out for a morning of not-so-hard labor with your date on a tree planting task. After planting a few trees, spread your blanket beneath an older tree and enjoy the rest of the day.

What about sailing? If you like being on the water and you have some sailing skills, rent a sailboat for the day. Take your date out and enjoy the scenery of the water, the fish below, the birds flying over. As you sit back and watch the wind take you along, as the air ride you and your date across the body of water. Don’t forget the sunscreen and some goodies, like fresh fruits, veggies or whatever you want to munch on.

You can play Frisbee golf. Some hate the idea of actual golfing. But Frisbee golf is more than hitting a tiny white ball into a tiny hole in the ground. The two of you can enjoy the scenery of your local golf course; and there will be plenty to talk about. And what about those dreaded first-date-silences? Don’t worry! The silence will fade into the distance as you enjoy a day on the links.

 Spend a day donating your time together. It’s a way to give back to the community, by helping others. And there’s no greater feeling, then giving your time to a worthy cause, that benefits others. If the two of you decide to cook a meal for a local shelter or volunteer to work at a Habitat for Humanity home, means you are giving your self, not just money. At the end of the day, you can soak in a hot jacuzzi to ease those aching muscles!

Take a bike ride with your date outdoors. Head toward a farmer’s market to shop for fresh, organic produce. Check out the various booths to see the offerings from vendors. Grab some tasty fruits, veggies, meats, and breads along the way. Then go back home and whip up an organic feast out of your purchases together.

Try these 8 fun-filled ideas, to add to your activities during the warm outdoor days.

How to Tell Your Best Friend You Like Her (Or Love Her)

 

Figuring out how to tell your best friend you love her (or like her) is tricky territory. This isn’t just some random girl you met online or at a bar. When you realize you want to take a friendship to a romantic level, you may worry that:

  • Your confession will make the relationship take a turn for the worse.
  • You will lose your friend.
  • You will get rejected.

It’s understandable that you’re worried about these things. But suppressing your feelings is only going to cause you more anxiety, which ultimately sabotages you I have gotten a lot of questions from my male clients on how to deal with romantic feelings for a friend. That’s why I created this article, which includes 13 tips on how to tell your best friend you like her.

How to Tell Your Best Friend You Love Her, Like Her, or Have a Crush on Her

 Don’t Tell Her If…

When it comes to figuring out how to tell your best friend you like her, honesty is the best policy. Also, you only live once. Both of these things are prime reasons you should absolutely, without a doubt, figure out how to tell your best friend you like her.

However, there are a few instances where you shouldn’t tell your best friend that you have romantic feelings for her. For example:

In these cases, it’s better for both of you to keep your feelings to yourself and explore other options.

Remember That Actions Don’t Always Speak Louder

how to tell your best friend you like her

 

When it comes to figuring out how to tell your best friend that you like her, remember that actions don’t always speak louder than words.

You are not an acquaintance. And you are not simply her friend.

You are her best friend. This is someone you are vulnerable with, who has your back no matter what and that you can totally be yourself around.

In this case, your affections can go unnoticed. Looking at her a little longer than usual, hanging out alone and going above and beyond for her aren’t going to tell her that you like her. She is simply going to think that you are being a good friend.

So don’t show instead of telling. You need to actually sit her down and tell her how you feel about her.

Let Her Know You Need to Talk to Her Privately

how to tell your best friend you like her

 

Find a convenient time and a private place for the two of you to talk. Call her or talk to her alone briefly when the two of you are together to arrange this.

Don’t make it overly dramatic or super cryptic. If you do this, she’ll worry that you want to get together to tell her that you have a terminal illness or something.

Simply let her know that it’s important that you and she get together because you have something you want to talk to her about.

What to Say

Say something like this:

“Hey, when are you available this week or weekend? I have something I want to talk to you about. Don’t worry! It’s nothing bad, but it is kind of important so if we can get together sooner than later, that would be awesome.”

The place you choose to talk to her can really depend on the two of you. Obviously, as best friends, you’ve already hung out enough. There are private or semi-private spots you can pick based on shared interests.

I would suggest, if you two are into it, picking a place with natural surroundings. If you both like to hike, it would be great for you to take her to a trail, sit down and talk there. The foliage will naturally ease your stress and can make the confession less scary and more organic.

Of course, you are going to be anxious about this. That’s completely understandable. But remember this…

It’s Bad to Keep Things Inside

Bottling up emotions is bad for your health.

If you like your best friend, you need to tell her this. The longer you avoid telling her, the more preoccupied you are going to be with these romantic thoughts.

This rumination can affect your stress levels, seep into your professional life by distracting you at work and just make everything a bit more challenging.

I know that making this kind of confession is scary — terrifying even — but it’s going to feel way better in the long run if you express your feelings now.

Remember You Don’t Want to Be Left With “What If?”

That’s the worst.

Remember that the longer you spend wondering how to tell your best friend you like her (and ultimately procrastinating when it comes to doing the damn thing), the more likely you are to miss your opportunity.

If you don’t make a move, another guy will. And if she starts dating someone, you’ve missed your opportunity, only to be left wondering if things would have turned out differently had you said something.

Accept That You Might Get Rejected

how to tell your best friend you like her

 

Being rejected is probably the scariest thing about telling someone you like them. But you need to accept that this is a possibility. Even if you do get rejected, however, it’s still important that you take the plunge and tell your best friend that you like her.

You don’t want to deal with the dreaded “what if?” and, as it turns out, getting rejected is actually a good thing because:

  • It increases empathy.
  • Getting rejected leads to growth and opportunity.
  • As painful as it is, rejection makes you stronger. Being stronger means you will be able to handle other challenges life throws your way.
  • The lows make you appreciate the highs.

Accept That This Will Change Your Relationship

how to tell your best friend you like her

 

Other than the idea of getting rejected, I’m sure that the prospect of altering the state of your friendship is a scary thought.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you. Yes, your relationship is going to change after you tell your best friend that you like her. Once you introduce romance into a friendship, things change.

If she reciprocates your feelings, great!

But if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, things can get awkward. Your interactions aren’t going to come naturally like they did before. She’s also going to feel really bad about hurting you, which is going to make it difficult for her as well.

But ultimately, this is something that can also make your relationship stronger, even if it has to stay platonic. The test of a true friendship is facing challenges together and being able to work through those challenges.

Don’t Ever Believe That You Made a Mistake

If you get rejected and face later awkwardness after figuring out how to tell your best friend that you like her, it’s definitely gonna suck at first. You may face feelings of extreme regret and wonder if you made a mistake.

Don’t ever allow yourself to truly believe that you made a mistake. You didn’t. Being vulnerable in this way is a source of pride. It takes strength. The fact that you are even reading this article, deciding how to tell your best friend that you like her warrants a pat on the back.

It is a lot easier to avoid things instead of making changes. But with change comes growth and maturity.

Her rejection simply means that your best friend simply isn’t currently meant for you romantically, but that you are taking one more step toward finding the person who is.

De-stress Before You Tell Her

how to tell your best friend you like her

 

Prepare to de-stress yourself before you tell her you like her. Considering taking a yoga class, doing some meditation or deep breathing exercises.

In fact, any type of exercise can help you de-stress before talking to your best friend.

No matter what, you’re going to be nervous, and that’s ok. But practicing some self-care will help you get in the right head space.

Now the time has come.

You want to be open, honest and vulnerable when you tell your best friend how you feel about her. At the same time, you don’t need to be super dramatic and proclaim an undying love for her like you’re auditioning for a romantic comedy or something.

No matter how she feels, this is going to be huge news for her. It’s going to be overwhelming, so don’t add to this by making this confession seem like a life or death situation.

Tell her how you feel and also let her know that you don’t want to lose her as a friend, for your friendship to change, and that no matter how she feels, she is extremely important to you. Doing this prevents any speculation on her end over whether you truly value her as a friend or if you were only friends with her so that you could get her into bed.

The Script

Here’s an example of how you can frame the confession:

“I wanted to let you know that I’ve developed feelings for you. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to damage our relationship or make things awkward, but I have to be honest with you. You’re amazing and I’d like to explore taking our friendship to a romantic level. I know this is a lot to take in, so please don’t feel pressured. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand, but I didn’t want to keep this a secret from you and wonder ‘what if?’”

There are a few different ways she may react to this:

  • She may turn you down because she doesn’t feel the same way.
  • She may be so surprised that she will need some time to process things and figure out her feelings.
  • It may actually turn out that she feels the exact same way about you.

Below are ways to deal with each of these scenarios.

If She Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

You’ve figured out how to tell your best friend you like her. But she doesn’t feel the same way.

It’s going to be painful, but you need to accept the rejection if she doesn’t feel the same way. Thank her for her honesty and let her know that your value of the friendship hasn’t changed.

If you need to take some space from her and time to heal, don’t feel bad about keeping your distance temporarily.

Now that you know that a romantic relationship isn’t going to happen, it’s time to move on.

There are plenty of women out there in the dating world who are compatible with you, even if you don’t realize it.

One of the best ways to open yourself to opportunities in the dating world and find success is by Mega Dating.

I used this method during my 100-date experiment, back when I was unsure if love even existed. It led me to a career as a dating coach and also helped me find a fulfilling, compatible relationship. Years later, the man I met at the end of my experiment is still my boyfriend. I found romantic happiness through Mega Dating and you can too!

What is Mega Dating?

Mega Dating is a dating strategy that involves going on dates with several different people at the same time in order to diffuse your energy by keeping your social calendar full.

This dating process has nothing to do with being a “player” or trying to sleep around with tons of women. It is simply a way to get to know a lot of different people at the same time. By doing this, you are able to improve your dating approach game (practice makes perfect, after all). It increases your chances of finding the right woman FAST.

When you Mega Date, rejection is easier to handle and you’re less likely to get caught up in the chase. This is very important because getting infatuated with one person can be emotionally taxing, particularly when you end up in the friend-zone.

And when women see that you’re keeping your options open and refuse to chase them, an unconscious sense of competition emerges. Basically, Mega Dating amps up your appeal. You may even notice your best friend experiencing a change of heart if she initially rejects you and then sees that you’re not going to just wait around for her to reciprocate your feelings.

If She is Unsure of Her Feelings

Maybe you tell your best friend you like her and she is completely caught off-guard. Perhaps she never even considered the idea of you two as a couple.

In this case, patience is a HUGE virtue. Let her know that you understand this is surprising and she doesn’t need to decide what she wants immediately. Obviously, you don’t want to wait for ages for her to make up her mind (see Mega Dating), but give her some space.

Don’t get clingy or blow up her phone in the interim. If there are mutual feelings there, she is much more likely to give the idea of you and her as a couple a shot if you’re patient.

If She Likes You Too

 

how to tell your best friend you like her

Hooray!

Obviously, this is awesome. You don’t want to go in expecting this to be the result, but it can definitely happen.

If she likes you too, then you can start dating and see where your relationship goes. But tread carefully here. Remember that, even though you have known her a long time, standard dating rules still apply.

Don’t Hop Into Bed With Her

When two best friends agree they want to take things to a romantic level, it can be tempting to jump into bed.

After all, it’s not like you need to go through the typical getting-to-know-you phase of a relationship, right? You’re already there.

The thing is, there is a big difference between knowing someone as a friend and knowing someone as a romantic partner.

You owe it to each other to enjoy a courting period and actually go on some dates before bringing sex into the equation. You’ve waited this long — why ruin the excitement that comes with anticipation?

Follow My Dating Blueprint

As a dating coach for men and expert in this field, I developed a fail proof blueprint for the first three dates. This blueprint helps you pace a new relationship appropriately in order to determine if there is long-term potential. Here’s the plan I recommend for the first three dates:

  • First Date: It should be something that is less than an hour and does not exceed $15.
  • Second Date: This date should be active and free. Consider something like hiking or visiting a museum. Event brite is also a great place to find free events.
  • Third Date: This is the date where you can have a nice, intimate dinner. The third date is often when you will end up sealing the deal.

Need Individualized Guidance?

Whether you want individualized help on how to tell your best friend you like her or anything else related to dating, I’m here for you.

My individualized dating action plans have helped men around the world find lasting love.

Want to get started? Head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today! During this intro call, we’ll discuss your dating goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching or matchmaking programs could be right for you!

10 Offensive Questions Women Hate

Well, we know, implying that women should understand what you mean. But every now and again you throw us a chauvinistic curve ball and we might pitch it back where you’re not wearing a cup. Maybe you think the things you say are not offensive at all, just common sense. In truth, your questions are common, but doesn’t make sense. So in an effort to spare everyone some unnecessary pain, here are 10 things we women never want to hear again—and why. Age is just a number, like the size of your penis. And as I said earlier, we’re either into it or we’re not, and we don’t ask questions.

1. “So you like to rock the cradle?”I tend to prefer older dates; I presume they have more stability in their lives than I do. But sometimes women like to rock the cradle—within legal limits. Why is it OK that you guys date girls who were nine years old when you were packing up for college, but weird for us to date anyone merely months younger? Age is just a number, like the size of your penis. And as I said earlier, we’re either into it or we’re not, and we don’t ask questions.

2. “You’re too pretty to be a ___. Why don’t you do ___?”I’ve hear “writer” and “TV,” respectively. While I’m flattered, being physically attractive and being in a particular profession are often mutually exclusive. I gave myself over to free labor interning for the past four years and lost a wealth of sleep hours that I’ll never get back to graduate with top honors in writing. I worked hard to get where I am, so next time just say, “Wow, you’re pretty and a writer. Jackpot.” I’m only half kidding.

3. “You actually meet guys on Tinder?”Seldom is this question asked of a man. Questioning why women actually go on Tinder dates, or Happn dates, or Hinge dates or Ok Cupid dates—you know, the sole purpose of dating apps—has deeply-rooted implications. (Read: slut-shaming.) But you can spend all your money on a rando you never intend to meet again, and that’s rational. And that rando was a woman on a Tinder date… with you. Isn’t it weird how that works out?

4. “Why are you so dressed up?”A simple, “You look nice,” would really suffice. If you choose to wear your paint-stained scrunch sweatpants and college T-shirt printed with a personified Red Solo cup, that’s your own prerogative. Yes, that was a vast generalization. But the point is, you do you and let me do me.

5. “How are you still single?”We know what you’re trying to say, and we know that where you’re coming from isn’t remotely offensive; in fact, it’s sweet. And maybe I’m single because things like this bother me more than most, or I just have awful game or because I squirm too much at the sight of guys pulling tendons from Alaskan King Crab legs. Or maybe I’m single because I chose to be single. Being single doesn’t mean I have some intrinsic defect you’ve yet to unearth. Why are you single? Maybe because you keep asking that question.

6. “You’re not one of those girls, are you?”What exactly is “one of those girls?” Here’s the thing: If you call us crazy, we become crazy. If you call us bitchy, we’ll likely get bitchy. In other words, you create “those girls.”

7. “Why would you go alone? Aren’t you scared you’re going to get raped or something?”You just made me cringe. And you won’t redeem yourself by saying, “Well, a girl like you…” Explicit example: I backpack solo. I do it often. A girl like me is very much capable because a girl like me did it. She did it often. That girl was me. If we let the fear of rape consume us, we wouldn’t go grocery shopping after dusk either. Plus, there’s something just a little off about casually mentioning rape?

8. “What’s your cup size?”This is typically followed by, “Are they real?” or a desperate justification like, “Well, you’re wearing your boobs out.” Sometimes you guys almost give yourselves a backhanded compliment along the lines of, “Classy women reserve them for men who deserve to see.” Here are my thoughts: Rarely does a woman ask a man about the circumference or length of his penis. We’re either into it or we’re not, it’s rude to ask and you’re going to lie anyway because now we’ve made you insecure. We don’t “wear” our boobs out; they are biologically stuck to our chests regardless of the tops we wear. And, while we live in a culture that makes sexuality a commodity, our bodies aren’t prizes to be won by those deemed worthy.

9. “Why are you wearing ___? I like natural girls.”Fill in the blank with anything. Don’t ask me about my skincare products, my makeup, my false eyelashes, my hair extensions. I started using them long before I met you, because I like them. Just think, at one point in your life, a teen-aged Danielle Fishel or Tiffani Thiessen poster garnished your wall. Guess what? They used products too. And hate to break it to you, but Beyoncé never woke up like that. Her hair is fake, too. So here’s a revelation for you: You just think you like natural girls.

10. “We’re both adults. Don’t you know how to let loose, have some fun?”This question remains unsurpassed if your intent is for her to leave. If, however, your intent is to incite some sort of revelation within us, do better. Perhaps my idea of having some fun is not necessarily having some of you at the moment. Suggesting that’s somehow it’s not adult like of me is suggesting that I’m childish. You’re condescending and, trust me, no epiphany resulting in some action for you will come of that.

 

What Does This Gift Say About His Feelings For Me?

 

Here is a recent question from a reader:

I’ve been dating a man for a couple of months. He’s very nice and we enjoy each other’s company. Things seemed to be going well. He always seems to have money and enjoys spending it, paying for our dates, etc. He buys clothes for himself often and likes to show off his purchases. In fact, he’s a bit vain with his appearance. For my birthday he gave me a silver necklace that I know probably didn’t cost $20.00. I’m not greedy, nor a gold digger but it seems odd compared to the spending he does on himself. Am I expecting too much to think that his gift should have been at least a little nicer? I had hinted months ago about a concert I wanted to see but he made an excuse that he didn’t get tickets in time and there were no good seats left. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I admit I was disappointed.”

 

This certainly seems like a contradiction in his character so what does it mean regarding his feelings for her? Should she have received something a little nicer?

Everything a man does while you are getting to know him gives you invaluable information about who he is, what’s important to him, and what you can expect more of in the future.

Some general thoughts about gifts:

  • When a man is trying to woo a woman, feels romantically toward her or is in love he will typically give her romantic ‘heart type’ gifts.
  • Flowers, candy, jewelry, romantic cards or love letters, dinners are all “heart” gifts.
  • Practical gifts like appliances, books, pen sets are not from the heart, but from the head and can be a sign of passionless intentions or that a relationship is fizzling out.
  • An exception is if the practical gift is something you really wanted/needed and he mixes it with other romantic gifts…then well, enjoy the toaster oven, he is still hot for you.
  • Another exception is that while some men are not gift givers, nor romantic they may still be very devoted, loyal husbands. I have a friend who married an engineer; he takes practicality and logic to a new level. He’s never bought her flowers and if she’s lucky enough to get a gift, it’s non-romantic. Think gift card. But he is a good father, kind, steadfast and honorable. Her car is always filled with gas; she never lifts anything heavy, he kills all the bugs in the house and generously occupies the kids so she can cook dinner undeterred. She doesn’t dwell on what she’s missing. If she wants something, she goes and buys it herself.

But that is her.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your birthday and holidays celebrated in romantic ways. If to you that means dinners, flowers, gifts, and cards, so be it. Just like there is nothing wrong with a man who wants a buxom, blond bombshell.

Trouble begins when a woman picks a non-romantic man, marries him then cries every year at her birthday when he lets her down or the man who marries a flat chested brunette and nags her to bleach her hair and get a boob job.

Your job is to simply pay attention and decide if THIS man as he is will make you happy.

Okay, so what’s Cheap Necklace Man’s story? Based on the above generalizations, that he gave a piece of jewelry is a good sign, but the fact that it was obviously very inexpensive compared to what he normally spends is something to consider.

This is a sensitive issue. I want to stress that while it appears that money the issue, it really is not. It’s attitudes toward money, generousness and intentions that are important things to know about a man before you marry him. The only reason money becomes a part of this equation is because of the obvious disparity in his usual spending habits.

Without knowing more about the man and relationship, I advised her to ask these questions:

  • Is it possible his feelings have changed? Has the relationship cooled? Is his gift mediocre because it matches his feelings toward you? Pay attention to how he behaves in other areas of the relationship.
  • While he has money and enjoys spending it, it’s possible he only really enjoys spending it on himself. Hey, it’s his money and he can do with it what he pleases, but if you are considering him as marriage material you can probably expect more of the same. Will you be happy if he splurges on himself but is stingy when it comes to your birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day?
  • Will he be the type of man who monitors what you spend and only wants you to make purchases on things he deems worthwhile?
  • Does he use his money to control? I once dated a man who was wealthy and paid for everything but who liked to joke that he “paid the cost to be boss”. In other words, it’s never what YOU want, it’s always what HE wants.
  • You mentioned he is vain and buys a lot of clothes and enjoys showing them off to you. These can be signs of insecurity. If he is he may be so busy focusing on himself and his insecure feelings he may not be tuned in enough to you to make your special day a priority. This may have something to do with the fact that his poor planning prevented him from getting you what he knew you really wanted.
  • Is he wonderful in every other way? If he remains a lousy gift giver but has many other important qualities you want in a man, it may be okay with you to smile sweetly and proclaim “I love it!” then secretly sneak off to exchange or return his presents.

You are the only one who can evaluate what is happening in the relationship and how happy all of his qualities and quirks will make you. There is nothing shallow or greedy about your concern. It really is not about the amount of money he spent but about what his obvious lack of effort has meant to you.

Good Luck

Online Dating Etiquette 101: Privacy vs. Honesty?

 

It’s a bit scary, isn’t it, advertising on the internet that you are single and seeking love?

Some people won’t post a photo on their dating profile because they fear being discovered by family, friends, coworkers, clients, or students.

How much information do you need to put out there in your profile?

How much should you divulge over emails or IMs with a potential match?

How much do you talk about on a first date?

In Your Profile

  • Basics on you – age, height, body type, marital status, job type, hobbies, personality
  • Basics on your match – what kind of person is she on the INSIDE?
  • DON’T – use a username that you use elsewhere.

In your profile, you want to entice someone to write you (or write you back!).  This is not the place to tell your life story or write your laundry list of favorite bands.  Keep it short, sweet, and simple.  Leave her begging to know more.

For your privacy, choose a new username.  You would not believe the amount of information I can gather on someone after ten minutes on Google.   Unless you want your potential geek girl reading your post on the abrasive nature of chainmail that you wrote on a LARPing forum when you were 16, I’d suggest a new username.

Over Emails and IMs

  • Elaborate, elaborate, elaborate.
  • Keep your personal details personal.

Emails and IMs are the place where I was able to weed out the people I wasn’t really interested in meeting.  Maybe he had a decent profile and some good pictures, but if the spark didn’t continue in the emails and IMs that followed, that’s where I would cut it off.

This is a great time to ask questions about the things she wrote about in her profile and talk to her about the finer details of your mp3 collection.   However, it is NOT the time to reveal your last name, your employer, or any other details that would make you an easy target for a stalker.

“But e,” you’re thinking, “Stalker?  You’ve got to be kidding me!”

I wish I was!  It won’t happen in but 2% of the people you’ll find on the internet, but they are out there and you will thank me when you can cut the relationship off by 1) blocking them from match.com and 2) blocking them from IMs.  When a crazy girl is showing up at the receptionist desk at work, it’s a little harder to sweep under the rug.

On a First Date

Here is where your discretion comes into play.  She’s made it out of the emails and into the first date territory, so she must be acceptable.  Use your gut – if she seems trustworthy, open up.   If you have doubts, steer the conversation in other directions and discuss events, not people.Match.com

Privacy vs. Honesty?

We all remember that honesty is important.  What do you do when someone asks for information that you’re not ready to divulge?  Be honest.  “I’d rather wait until we talked a bit longer before sharing that.  Tell me more about that awesome movie you saw…“  It can be tough to say, but as long as you’re not holding back on your last name after a month of dating, then she should understand and respect you enough to wait.

Good questions to ask when you start dating

 

Couple on coffee date

Having a fulfilling social and dating life has been a bit challenging lately, hasn’t it? If you are anything like me you might be feeling slightly out of practice when it comes to interacting with new people. This is where being part of the online community gives you a great advantage. When face-to-face dates might not be possible or difficult to arrange, your screen means you can still meet new faces and chat, whether it’s via messaging, emails, phone calls, or video dates. Or maybe you’re able to meet in person, over a coffee or on a walk, and want to know how to develop your connection. Here are a few suggestions for early conversations with someone new.

Show you’ve read their profile and appreciated it

Being able to refer pleasantly to something they’ve written about themselves is attractive. It shows you find the person interesting enough to have made more than the minimal effort. For example, “You mentioned living in a city – do you like city life? What do you enjoy about it?” Don’t overdo it and turn it into a job interview though! Think about gently building a rapport, rather than an interrogation.

Ask a question to open a window onto someone’s world

“How’s your day been?” or “What have you been up to?” are easy and relaxed ways of opening up to talk about the elements that make up our day-to-day lives, which can then lead on to more thoughtful conversations. For every question you ask, think how you yourself would answer so that you have something to give back in conversation terms. If appropriate, remember to reflect back, “And how about you?” when answering one of their questions.

Classic questions for the ‘unprecedented times’ we live in

The world is going through the sort of times which prompt some tailor-made questions – things we wouldn’t have imagined a year ago. It might be helpful to ask about looking back: “Can you remember, what was the last film or live music or public event you went to?” or looking forward: “Is there anywhere you’d really like to travel when it’s possible again?” You could dig a little deeper into the emotional impact of the pandemic: “What have you missed most?” or “What will make life feel back to normal again for you?” These questions are great for generating a feel-good atmosphere caused by reminiscing about fun times in the past, and projecting forward to more enjoyable times to come, as well as allowing you to learn about what matters to each other.

What about ‘Icebreaker’ questions?

Dating advice can include the suggestion of using ‘icebreaker’ questions. You know the sort of thing: “If you could have dinner with anyone, past or present, who would you choose?” Personally, if I had been asked this on a first date I would have racked my brains to come up with the ‘right’ answer and my mind would have gone blank! The answers could also act as a distraction. If, in the early days of getting to know my husband (a scientist-cum-would-be-rock-guitarist), I had asked him whom he would like to have dinner with, he might have answered, “Isaac Newton” or “Steve Vai”. I would have thought, “Boring,” to the first, and “Who?” to the second. It was irrelevant. And yet, here we are, seven years later, happily married.

Go with whatever you’re comfortable with – these questions do stretch you mentally and that might be a good fit – but the early stages of getting to know someone are more about learning to feel at ease together, so might be better left till later.

‘Let there be spaces in your togetherness’

Don’t feel it’s up to you to fill every lull. Listen as much as you talk. Have a breather. Give the other person space to initiate their own conversation. In situations like these I’m also aware I’ve got a tendency to speak too fast through nerves, so I’ve learned to mentally remind myself to Slow. My. Words. Down. It comes across as being calm (even if I’m not), and often has a visibly relaxing effect on the other person, making the conversation more natural and enjoyable.

And finally, before you start conversations with other people, it’s good to have a conversation with yourself: “Be your warm, friendly, likeable self. Relax, and enjoy it.”

Why Christians Should Try Online Dating

 

Online dating websites are ubiquitous these days; instead of searching for partners at traditional places, people sign up on dating websites and start hunting their perfect dating partner. Online dating websites are very accessible and convenient for users around the globe to interact with like-minded people. If you are searching for a Christian male or female with the same interest, you can signup on the most popular dating sites for Christians. Signing up on online dating websites allows you to have an opportunity to meet individuals across cities who reflect their matched interests virtually and availability. The prime aim of online dating websites is to assist their users with dedication and commitment to match them with their ideal soulmates and dating partners.

Why Online Dating?

Not everyone gets lucky in finding their perfect match, but if you are bold and confident enough, you can quickly introduce yourself to people and plan to meet in person with them. If you are looking for casual hookups and dating, you must ensure you follow all online dating protocols. The prime reason why websites are promoting the culture of online dating is to develop interaction and confidence between Christian males and females so they can understand each other before they meet in person. Online dating is not a walk in the garden; it requires sincerity, determination, and boldness to help you find the best partner. Online dating is a general learning curve for every person, and if you have a partner from a western or far eastern country, you will get to know his or her distinct cultures and traditions.


If you are shy and have public fear, online dating is the best tool to improve yourself. People hesitate and cannot express themselves wholly in front of others, so it is recommended to interact online without being judged by your prospect. No one would be judging you on your mistakes, so it is okay to have an experimental approach while searching for the ideal partner for you. Being shy is okay, but it should not stop you from online flirting and talking. Always try to make an attractive and eye-catching profile, and start by accepting and sending requests living across towns or cities. Once you have verified your profile on a dating website, it is your court; you can smash with the word go or take it slowly. It is recommended to avoid the adrenaline rush and start by responding steadily to avoid any future clashes.

Many Christian dating websites provide user-friendly interphase, where you can quickly post your daily prayers and religious thoughts. Users tend to regularly publish articles and reply in responses regarding an ongoing conversation. So, dating websites produce an overall good outcome where you are free to comment and make new casual friends. Hundreds of users on that website stalk your every post and comment, so always think before posting.

Why Maintain a Good Online Profile?

It is true, connections judge you by your profile and picture, so always upload an attractive and appealing display picture. If you are planning to make a profile with a fake name and bio, then don’t! As people tend to get impressions about bogus profiles and block you instantly, so refrain from having bogus accounts. Always express who you are, and the perfect match would bounce at your landing screen; though it is not that easy, you need some luck to go through with it. Usually, people search for people with the same interests and habits, so it is easy to mingle and interact with them. You can always stalk someone’s profile and then start communicating with him or her. You and your profile are being evaluated from the first conversation and post, so always be sharp and react accordingly.
Like every digitalized communication, online dating has its worth. People living far across towns and cities can date without any hesitations. A little fling can lead to extended skype calls and facetime. As online dating is a digitalized platform and you need to maintain a good online presence as the one stalking you have not met in person yet. According to relevant sources, more than 16,000,000 people are active on a single dating site on average. Your profile is public, and everyone scrolling through would notice your profile’s features, so establish and maintain your online presence. Never discuss your online dating profile in public, as this might dent your professional reputation, keep your online dating credentials discreet from others.

How to Create an Attractive Dating Profile?

Online dating websites are diversified platforms, where people from different faces and colors login and try to interact. To seem attractive to everyone stalking your profile, you need to have a clear proper picture; a selfie might do the trick as it is a perfect close-up picture. Add attractive captions with your bio, which might help you in starting a conversation. Once you start feeling comfortable, upload more images from your gallery on your profile and keep it updated. Always remember to add a peculiar detail about you, which might attract any of your connections or a random stalker. Almost every Christian is residing by the next street, start thinking different and give your profile a unique look. Just don’t focus on photos; at times, people begin by noticing the content describing you. Use concise and to the point paragraphs to represent you and your lifestyle. Avoid cliché arguments and quotes, which might end up being noticed by your followers.

It is your profile; always remember the first impression is the last, and once your profile seems attractive to your future partner, they might initiate the talk by themselves. Online dating sites show the real potential of people getting into serious relationships and conversations. It is crucial to highlight your vision and approach to how you would go during conversations and what you are looking for in your partner. Keep your vision broad and accept invitations from unexpected people, and stay positive.

Does Online Dating Websites Have Secured and Encrypted Platforms?

In this highly saturated and classified internet space, every website has its security standard procedures. Users only register themselves at realistic websites and end to end encryption, where online users’ data is not being monitored or sold to any third-party organization. Online dating platforms are secure; they held up all internet protocols complying with users’ safety and privacy. Internationally recognized dating websites run internal security checks on profiles; if they observe a threat, the member is red-flagged, and the account is removed. To avoid any uncertain risks, you must always verify your profile and use dating websites that are reliable and have mass usage. If any website or agent asks you to pay dollars via online transactions in exchange for protecting your identity, refrain from accessing those websites and contacts. Many online dating websites enable you to monitor visitors viewing your profile; you can maintain a vigilant check and balance and then block suspicious or fake profiles. Many online dating websites have 24/7 chat support representatives, assisting you in situations and answering your query.

How to Stay Secure on Online Dating Websites?

You never know who is actually behind the profile uploaded on the webpage. Do in-depth research about specific dating sites before signing up. Do not fall for ads and fake dating websites, which might dent your data and privacy. Do not throw your contact number to every person you talk to. Take your time, get settled, establish a level of trust and then exchange personal information. Confirm with your partner before scheduling an in-person date, ask them to give a visual on video call before the meeting. Hence, it is easy to identify in public and eliminate all doubts of uncertainty. Do not exploit your social networking usernames; keep all interactions limited to a dating website and its specific chatroom. After a doubtful or fragile meet up with your partner, walk yourself home or prefer public transport, to avoid being tailed. If you meet for the first time with the person you interacted with on an online dating website, keep things simple, don’t try anything fancy, and try to schedule your date in a public space or a public park. 

While chatting with your partner on the website, do not leak any confidential or classified information, talk general, and then self-evaluate yourself. Run multiple checks of the person you are talking to, do not fall for fake profiles, ask for valid identity before involving yourself much. Do not fall for tricks, lose your money; refrain from getting involved in suspicious networks and groups. Usually, people signup using their nicknames, making it difficult for others to check them on other social media platforms. After going through with your partner, set your long term goals and then plan accordingly. You must always remember that your privacy and security are in your own hands, take baby steps towards online dating, and start flourishing yourself. At, times you might feel that odds are not in your favor, but stay consistent; you might find your true soulmate soon.

How to overcome the fear of rejection

When you’re on the receiving end of rejection, it feels anything, but good. Rejection can be painful and if you’ve been rejected before, you can become fearful of it happening again. How do you overcome your fear, to enjoy the dating process?

I know from my own experience and from my coaching practice that fear of rejection is one of the reasons many people stay away from dating for many months or even years. They may make a conscious decision to do so, or their behavior may be driven subconsciously. Maybe you pay for a dating site, but don’t send any messages. Perhaps, you stay busy with work and don’t make time for romance. Staying out of the dating game is a form of self-protection.

Fear of rejection is also the reason why some people choose relationships with partners who aren’t good for them, whom they don’t find attractive.  If y0u’re not invested in the relationship, it won’t hurt so much if the person leaves you. This is another form of self-protection.

Our goal is to date happily, to date confidently and to date people we actually want to have a relationship. So, it’s important to understand why rejection hurts so much and to build an emotional resilience, where we’re not scared to fall in love.

These four steps might help:

1) Stay emotionally healthy

When someone rejects you, often your first thought is that there’s something wrong with you. There’s an assumption that you’re not attractive enough, slim enough, smart enough or young enough. Your self-esteem takes a knock. It’s natural to want to be wanted, to want to be chosen or picked. Rejection hurts. But it will hurt far less if you are dating with a healthy self-esteem, a strong sense of worth and a good degree of emotional resilience.

When we go dating with a deep yearning for love, affirmation and validation, we are ultra-sensitive to rejection. So, the best thing we can do is to spend time, before the dating process, loving and affirming ourselves, building up our self-esteem and strengthening our emotional core or our inner oak tree, as I like to call it. Are we feeling steady and stable? Are we well nourished and nurtured? Are we well supported? If we can answer ‘Yes’ to these questions, we won’t be so scared of rejection and we’ll bounce back quickly from it.

2) Put things in perspective

If we are emotionally stable with healthy self-esteem, it will be much easier to put rejection into perspective. We’ll be able to step back, see the big picture and realize that the fact that we’ve been rejected says more about the other person than it does about us. They are looking for someone different. They believe there is another man or woman who’s more suited to them.

That is their prerogative, just as it yours – because we all get to choose. We get to accept someone or reject them based on whether we think we’re a good match. There are indeed many more fish in the sea (many clichés are true!). The sooner we’re able to allow this particular person to move on by, the sooner we’ll be able to meet someone else that’s right for us.

3) Heal from past hurts

There’s an expression I often use in my coaching and writing: if it’s hysterical, it’s historical. In other words, if our reaction is exaggerated and disproportionate to the circumstance, it’s likely that our past has invaded our present and that the incident is triggering painful memories. This is particularly important in the context of rejection.

Many of us experienced some form of rejection when we were young. Perhaps we were born prematurely and spent time in an incubator, which felt like abandonment to our tiny minds. Maybe our father or mother worked away. which left a feeling of rejection. Perhaps your parents divorced, which left you feeling a sense of abandonment and rejection by the one that moved out.  And when we were young, we weren’t emotionally mature, nor did we have the support around us to process and heal our painful feelings. So, the pain got stored inside. In my case, I found ways to avoid my pain, including binge eating, drinking too much and working too hard.

Many years later, getting rejected by someone you’re dating, the pain feels overwhelming again. You may only have been together for a few weeks or months, but you’re devastated. This is because the pain in the present has triggered the pain from your past – prompting an avalanche of multi-layered emotions. You can avoid this avalanche effect, if you take time to understand the hurt that is buried deep in your subconscious,  and to process, so the pain goes away.

4) Reach out for support

Some people will be able to overcome their fear of rejection simply by practicing lots of self-love and self-care, and by maintaining a healthy self-esteem. Others may require additional support, especially to process the deeper hurts that might be blocking them from a healthy relationship. Over the years, I’ve had lots of support from friends, fellow professionals and this has enabled me to work through my fears of abandonment, rejection and loss, which has lead to a committed relationship. If you feel that you need support, I encourage you to reach out to others and to give yourself this gift.

Dating can be scary, and committed relationships require a huge leap of faith. It’s OK to be frightened. I hope these steps help equip you to find courage and confidence in dating and to enjoy the process.