Why Christians Should Try Online Dating

 

Online dating websites are ubiquitous these days; instead of searching for partners at traditional places, people sign up on dating websites and start hunting their perfect dating partner. Online dating websites are very accessible and convenient for users around the globe to interact with like-minded people. If you are searching for a Christian male or female with the same interest, you can signup on the most popular dating sites for Christians. Signing up on online dating websites allows you to have an opportunity to meet individuals across cities who reflect their matched interests virtually and availability. The prime aim of online dating websites is to assist their users with dedication and commitment to match them with their ideal soulmates and dating partners.

Why Online Dating?

Not everyone gets lucky in finding their perfect match, but if you are bold and confident enough, you can quickly introduce yourself to people and plan to meet in person with them. If you are looking for casual hookups and dating, you must ensure you follow all online dating protocols. The prime reason why websites are promoting the culture of online dating is to develop interaction and confidence between Christian males and females so they can understand each other before they meet in person. Online dating is not a walk in the garden; it requires sincerity, determination, and boldness to help you find the best partner. Online dating is a general learning curve for every person, and if you have a partner from a western or far eastern country, you will get to know his or her distinct cultures and traditions.


If you are shy and have public fear, online dating is the best tool to improve yourself. People hesitate and cannot express themselves wholly in front of others, so it is recommended to interact online without being judged by your prospect. No one would be judging you on your mistakes, so it is okay to have an experimental approach while searching for the ideal partner for you. Being shy is okay, but it should not stop you from online flirting and talking. Always try to make an attractive and eye-catching profile, and start by accepting and sending requests living across towns or cities. Once you have verified your profile on a dating website, it is your court; you can smash with the word go or take it slowly. It is recommended to avoid the adrenaline rush and start by responding steadily to avoid any future clashes.

Many Christian dating websites provide user-friendly interphase, where you can quickly post your daily prayers and religious thoughts. Users tend to regularly publish articles and reply in responses regarding an ongoing conversation. So, dating websites produce an overall good outcome where you are free to comment and make new casual friends. Hundreds of users on that website stalk your every post and comment, so always think before posting.

Why Maintain a Good Online Profile?

It is true, connections judge you by your profile and picture, so always upload an attractive and appealing display picture. If you are planning to make a profile with a fake name and bio, then don’t! As people tend to get impressions about bogus profiles and block you instantly, so refrain from having bogus accounts. Always express who you are, and the perfect match would bounce at your landing screen; though it is not that easy, you need some luck to go through with it. Usually, people search for people with the same interests and habits, so it is easy to mingle and interact with them. You can always stalk someone’s profile and then start communicating with him or her. You and your profile are being evaluated from the first conversation and post, so always be sharp and react accordingly.
Like every digitalized communication, online dating has its worth. People living far across towns and cities can date without any hesitations. A little fling can lead to extended skype calls and facetime. As online dating is a digitalized platform and you need to maintain a good online presence as the one stalking you have not met in person yet. According to relevant sources, more than 16,000,000 people are active on a single dating site on average. Your profile is public, and everyone scrolling through would notice your profile’s features, so establish and maintain your online presence. Never discuss your online dating profile in public, as this might dent your professional reputation, keep your online dating credentials discreet from others.

How to Create an Attractive Dating Profile?

Online dating websites are diversified platforms, where people from different faces and colors login and try to interact. To seem attractive to everyone stalking your profile, you need to have a clear proper picture; a selfie might do the trick as it is a perfect close-up picture. Add attractive captions with your bio, which might help you in starting a conversation. Once you start feeling comfortable, upload more images from your gallery on your profile and keep it updated. Always remember to add a peculiar detail about you, which might attract any of your connections or a random stalker. Almost every Christian is residing by the next street, start thinking different and give your profile a unique look. Just don’t focus on photos; at times, people begin by noticing the content describing you. Use concise and to the point paragraphs to represent you and your lifestyle. Avoid cliché arguments and quotes, which might end up being noticed by your followers.

It is your profile; always remember the first impression is the last, and once your profile seems attractive to your future partner, they might initiate the talk by themselves. Online dating sites show the real potential of people getting into serious relationships and conversations. It is crucial to highlight your vision and approach to how you would go during conversations and what you are looking for in your partner. Keep your vision broad and accept invitations from unexpected people, and stay positive.

Does Online Dating Websites Have Secured and Encrypted Platforms?

In this highly saturated and classified internet space, every website has its security standard procedures. Users only register themselves at realistic websites and end to end encryption, where online users’ data is not being monitored or sold to any third-party organization. Online dating platforms are secure; they held up all internet protocols complying with users’ safety and privacy. Internationally recognized dating websites run internal security checks on profiles; if they observe a threat, the member is red-flagged, and the account is removed. To avoid any uncertain risks, you must always verify your profile and use dating websites that are reliable and have mass usage. If any website or agent asks you to pay dollars via online transactions in exchange for protecting your identity, refrain from accessing those websites and contacts. Many online dating websites enable you to monitor visitors viewing your profile; you can maintain a vigilant check and balance and then block suspicious or fake profiles. Many online dating websites have 24/7 chat support representatives, assisting you in situations and answering your query.

How to Stay Secure on Online Dating Websites?

You never know who is actually behind the profile uploaded on the webpage. Do in-depth research about specific dating sites before signing up. Do not fall for ads and fake dating websites, which might dent your data and privacy. Do not throw your contact number to every person you talk to. Take your time, get settled, establish a level of trust and then exchange personal information. Confirm with your partner before scheduling an in-person date, ask them to give a visual on video call before the meeting. Hence, it is easy to identify in public and eliminate all doubts of uncertainty. Do not exploit your social networking usernames; keep all interactions limited to a dating website and its specific chatroom. After a doubtful or fragile meet up with your partner, walk yourself home or prefer public transport, to avoid being tailed. If you meet for the first time with the person you interacted with on an online dating website, keep things simple, don’t try anything fancy, and try to schedule your date in a public space or a public park. 

While chatting with your partner on the website, do not leak any confidential or classified information, talk general, and then self-evaluate yourself. Run multiple checks of the person you are talking to, do not fall for fake profiles, ask for valid identity before involving yourself much. Do not fall for tricks, lose your money; refrain from getting involved in suspicious networks and groups. Usually, people signup using their nicknames, making it difficult for others to check them on other social media platforms. After going through with your partner, set your long term goals and then plan accordingly. You must always remember that your privacy and security are in your own hands, take baby steps towards online dating, and start flourishing yourself. At, times you might feel that odds are not in your favor, but stay consistent; you might find your true soulmate soon.

When Images of the Affair Haunt You

“I have these awful images of the affair, and I can’t seem to make them stop. They just keep playing over and over again like a horror film. I see him with her doing, unspeakable things . It feels like I am slowly going crazy .”

I hear my clients say things like this all the time. They are haunted by images of their spouses cheating with the paramour-even when they have no idea what the paramour looks like or what the two of them might have done together.

Despite their best efforts to stop this barrage of painful images they can’t seem to shut off their mental movies.

It’s one of the awful, though not at all uncommon, outcomes of being injured by an affair.

In many cases, the injured person will imagine aspects of the affair and then play the images over and over again until they harden into a rigid pattern.

If this has happened to you, it may feel like you have lost control of the movies that play in your mind. They seem to take on a life of their own and play on and on no matter how hard you try to turn them off.

You might even begin to feel like you are “losing your mind.”

Rest assured. You are not going crazy. Actually, the mental movies you play of the affair are a relatively normal response to the trauma you have been through.

As humans, we often run slide shows or movies in our minds. We do this for all kinds of reasons-to remember past events, to anticipate what may happen in the future, and to make sense of the reality we are dealing with in the present moment.

However, being normal doesn’t necessarily make it healthy.

The problem with the mental “horror” movies after the discovery of an affair is that you respond to them emotionally as if they were real. Every time these images flash through your mind, it’s like you are reliving the pain and trauma you experienced when you found out about the affair.

This makes it more difficult to heal from the pain and rebuild your marriage.

So how do you get rid of these images that haunt you?

Well, you have to begin by recognizing the obvious-things you already know when you think about it:

1. The images aren’t real. Even if you caught them in the act or even if they have some other basis in reality (for example if you know the paramour and your spouse has revealed the details of the affair), what is happening in your head is still in your head. It is not occurring in the real world.

2. Your mind is your territory-no one else can put images or thoughts there; only you can do that.

3. You’re in charge of your mind if and when you take charge of your mind (a corollary to #2.).

As I said, you know all this already. You know the images aren’t real. You know your mind is your own. And you know you are in charge of what happens in your brain even though sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. That’s one of the reasons you are so frustrated-you’ve tried and tried, but you still can’t manage to press the stop button on this awful horror film.

In the rest of this article I am going to help you solve that problem by giving you a visualization exercise which can help you put an end to the images that haunt you.

To start that process I want to ask you a question:

Are you sure you are ready to give up these painful fantasies?

I know the answer may seem absurdly self-evident on the surface. But one of the reasons you might not have already given up these fantasies is because they justify your pain in some way.

Perhaps you hold on to them because they show you that you have the right to feel the way you do. Or, you might have some other reason for holding on to these hurtful images. Work this out first, then you can continue to the exercise below.

When you are ready, the following technique will help you free yourself from the images that have haunted you and from the pain they have caused.

Changing Your Vision: A Visualization for Overcoming Images that Haunt You

You will need about half an hour to complete the following exercise. Secure a quiet spot where you will be uninterrupted during that time, then follow these steps:

Step 1: Calm Your Mind

Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths. Allow your mind to unwind and relax. Feel the tension pouring out of your body with each exhalation. Feel your body begin to completely unwind. If you have my book How to Survive an Affair, you can use the breathing exercises in Chapter 2 to help you do this.

Step 2: Bring the Image to Mind

When you are ready, bring the fantasy you have been struggling with to mind. Imagine it in as much detail as you can. Take some time to see the vision completely. It may be painful to do this, but facing this pain is your first step to freeing yourself from it.

Step 3: Change Your Vision

Once you have the image strongly in your mind, try and manipulate it in the following ways:

. First, see if you can play the image in reverse. Imagine the mental movie you are playing is a DVD and you can walk up to the machine and hit the rewind button.

How is this for you? Does it change the emotional impact of the image? If it makes some difference, even a tiny bit, try bringing the image to mind and rewinding it five more times making the movie go in reverse progressively faster until it becomes a blur.

Pause between each rewinding, take a breath, look around you, and check inside yourself what emotional impact, if any, there might be.

Next try manipulating the size and shape of the images. Tune in to the various objects in your visualization. You might see your spouse or her paramour for example. Or you may be focusing on specific parts of the body. Or you might see a bed, a room, or other objects in the room. Take each of these objects and consciously alter its size and shape.

For example, you might see a lamp on a bedside table. Imagine the lamp was twenty feet tall instead of a normal sized lamp on a normal sized table. Give it cartoonish properties in your mind. To experiment further, you can also change the color of the object you are visualizing.

Go from object to object manipulating each one’s characteristics. Which changes help you feel better? Those are the changes you will want to keep.

Now change the auditory elements of your mental movie. If your mental movie comes complete with a soundtrack, make it silent, or change the sounds or the volume. If you hear people speaking, imagine they are speaking in the voice of a cartoon character, not in their normal voice.

As you make changes, keep checking for which ones help you feel better.

Finally, find other ways to manipulate your images. Once you have gone through the steps above, it may occur to you that there are other ways you could manipulate these images as well. For example, if you are watching the scene play out in your mind’s eye as you would on a movie screen, you may change the “camera position” from which you perceive the “shot.”

There are virtually endless ways you can manipulate the images in your mind, so feel free to experiment with them as much as you wish.

Once you are satisfied that you have changed your movie to something that helps you feel better, take a few more slow, deep breaths, open your eyes, look around the room, and gently bring yourself out of the exercise.

This visualization exercise is designed to help you in a number of ways.

First, it gives you a tangible way to realize that these images are happening in your brain.

Second, it helps break the rigid pattern mental movies like these tend to take.

Finally, the exercise diminishes the emotional impact of the images. By changing the image, you develop new ways of thinking that are potentially less painful than what you have been experiencing, and might even provide you with a new resource for handling the situation.

In fact, if you do the exercise regularly you can get the images to stop playing in your mind entirely and be free from the pain and horror you have been suffering with so long.

This will allow you to turn your mental energy to more meaningful pursuits-like saving your relationship.

Let me know how it goes with you. I’d love to hear about your marriage.

What kind of images are you haunted by?

Have you tried the exercise in this article to get rid of them?

What effect did it have for you?

Are you free of the mental movies you have been suffering with? If so, what has this changed for you and your marriage?

Post your comment to this blog below

How To Survive Being Cheated On

Was I Wrong not Knowing My Wife was Gay

Our client was a man married for 12 years with an 8 year old daughter. Their marriage had always been a happy one. He was kind and generous and had no reason to suspect that his wife would ever want to leave him or want to be with anybody else. Sex was good and they had a happy social life with plenty of good friends. Then their sexual relationship started to decline and finally come to a complete halt. Although they have had no reason to argue about anything in particular recently, for some reason the atmosphere at home had become very strained between them with her attitude becoming increasingly hostile. She was constantly finding fault with everything he said or did, undeservedly so. Of course when he finally plucked up the courage to enquire if there was a problem, she was very quick to say ‘everything is just fine’. Surely it could just be a ‘mid life crisis’? If it hadn’t been the fact that her mobile phone was her new constant companion he may have just left it be and waited out the storm. Even more hurt and confused when her behaviour worsened, he tried to confront her again. She completely denied that anything was wrong and that if he really believed she was cheating, where was his proof. Beside himself with paranoia now, he had to know what was really behind the change in their once happy relationship. If it was proof he needed, how was he to get it without arousing her suspicions? A private investigator seemed the obvious choice and he finally gave us a call.

To prove one way or the other whether his wife was indeed having an affair, we advised him that we could trace her daily movements using a superior professional vehicle tracking device. This would tell him exactly where she was going as she left the house and all her movements until she came home and most importantly where she stopped and for how long. He thought this would be a fantastic way of knowing what was going on and immediately instructed us to fit our device. This proved a great success when, on the very first evening after fitting our device, he asked her how her day was, he knew the details of her very ‘full’ day she reeled off to him that evening were in fact totally untrue. This made his stomach churn. She had not even left the house except to do the school run? So why lie? The same pattern emerged over the next few days. What was she doing at home all day whilst pretending otherwise?

Our next suggestion was to obtain photographic and video evidence of the comings and goings of any visitors while our client was at work. We placed a static surveillance van outside the vicinity of their house so as to record all activity surrounding their property. After one week there seemed to be a pattern emerging. There was only ever one visitor to the property. At the same time every day, a large female would arrive and be greeted very warmly by our client’s wife and then again when that female left after lunch. On seeing the film footage, our client was surprised to find it was the wife of one of their good friends. It also seemed to him that his wife was spending more and more time in the evening on the phone to her. When this woman started to turn up in the evenings, our client started to become suspicious that something wasn’t quite right. Her mannerisms were that of somebody who felt very at home and indeed; he was made to feel rather uncomfortable in their presence in his own home, and would go to bed leaving them to their giggles and jokes downstairs.

Keeping in constant communication with our client and after further discussion, we were of the professional opinion that these two women could in fact be in a relationship. To get the concrete proof needed to confront his wife once and for all, we discussed how best to achieve this. We wanted to create an opportunity allowing his wife and her lover sufficient time alone together therefore enabling us to gather any undeniable evidence proving her infidelity. Coincidentally, our client was due to take their annual ski holiday the following week. His wife had surprised him by making her excuses this year saying he should still go on his own with their daughter. This was the perfect opportunity we were looking for. On his instruction and with his permission we installed covert security cameras throughout the property. On our client’s return he was shocked and devastated to come face to face with, in his own words, the ‘disgusting truth’ about his wife’s friendship with this woman. She had wasted no time since he had been gone. The two women had spent every night together and video footage had left him in no doubt at all that this was not a platonic friendship.

 

He was totally shocked with her response when confronted. She declared it was all a horrible mistake and if he could please take her away from the situation. She didn’t want to see her lover again. She hadn’t known what she was doing and it was as if she had been under a spell. Thinking that maybe she was so genuinely distraught she could actually be telling the truth and wanting to find a way of saving their marriage if only for the sake of their daughter, our client suggested they leave to visit friends in Australia the very next day. After an emotional but happy two week trip where normality of a kind resumed, they returned home with the intent of selling up and emigrating there.

The Last Straw

However, whilst unpacking our client found a mystery mobile phone hidden away. Of course there was no evidence of any calls or texts so with a heavy heart he gave us the phone and instructed us to perform a forensic sweep. Unfortunately for our client, we unearthed numerous calls made during their reconciliation trip to Australia, and text messages indicating that the relationship between the two women was still very much alive. They had been planning to set up home together on her return and had actually used the opportunity of the trip to gain more time. He thought this was despicable and the last straw and he used this evidence to instigate divorce proceedings.

She’s with Someone Else

I miss her desperately, i can see her in my mind, her smile, her beautiful brown eyes, her hair.. i love her energy she makes me feel higher than any drug could…

 

When she talks i listen to her every word, her voice is soft and sweet, i love her pronunciation , her accent and the way she uses body language to punctuate her words , i love her…..

It seems so long ago but at the same time only yesterday since i held her in my arm’s, made love to her, Kissed her lips, and fell asleep in her arms, i long for those nights again…

When i saw her last it had been about a month since we didnt see eachother and then, the second she walked into the room i was breathless … i mean really !! i thought “my god, how are you so perfect?” i would have got down on one Knee for her right then…..

What hurts the most is knowing that she’s with someone else, someone who doesnt deserve her, doesnt know what he’s got, cant treat her the way she should be, cant give her the thing’s that matter, not material stuff, that kind of love where you become a better person because you want to be all you can for her, be there for her in the good times and the bad, share life together, build a future together….

I know she cares, and i think i know she wants it too…

I can see it in her eyes, i can hear it in her voice, in the way she smiles at me, holds my hand…

Its a look she gives of wanting something but can’t quite take the step….

I dont know if i should try and give her that push or if i should stand back and let thing’s fall where they may….

But i’ve been hurt by waiting before, if you want someone shouldn’t you fight for them ?? show them how much you truly care about them ?? It’s hard to know….

If happiness is being able to wake up every morning next to the person you love, then i can only say that the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing when i lay down to sleep is you… Mariana, I LOVE YOU.

iad

Anonymous says:
June 14, 2009 at 4:40 am
you write such beautiful words and it probably takes a lot to put that all down and pour out your heart so well done for that..
in my experience it will only make you sick waiting..
dont you imagine her with someone else, kissing them, touching them it is not real love if it is stretched between people. and shame on her for having 2 guys wrapped around her finger, its selfish.
i know how much it hurts to cut ties its pain and you never quite regain trust or find the same bond for a very long time, but if you walk away you can keep your dignity, you can put your heart on the line then walk away holding it intact rather tahn letting yourself fall into a puddle of what could be..
we dont choose who we fall in love with it would be so much easier if we could but its experience that leads you to true understanding thats why old people are wise they feel and hurt and see and know.
hope my words could have helped you a little.
good luck and have courage