7+ Online Dating “Rules”

* Rule#1: Make sure you have a complete and brilliant profile; an annoying profile will make your first message fail to attract any attention.
* Rule#2: Thoroughly read through the favorite ones’ profiles;
* Rule#3: Compose your first message to those who match you at most important aspects;
* Rule#4: In your first message, you should mention why you contact her, what about her catches your attention, including all the aspects that you two match. Mostly she’ll reply you. Yes, TALK ABOUT HER, NOT ONLY YOU. You’ll be less likely to get response, if you:
** Send a one-sentence greeting;
** Send a universal message talking about only yourself even if it’s long;
** You suggest email correspondence in your first message. All communications with other members stay on site so that members never have to give out any personal information until they feel completely ready.
** You don’t match her;
** You have an annoying profile;
** You can’t write.
* Rule#5: If you don’t get response, start to view her profile once per day if you have a pretty profile picture. Your picture will get her attention among visitors.
* Rule#6: If you’re not only looking for friendship, but focus on something more than that, stay online longer before meeting, to see if both have connection online.
I have read through success stories, and found a pattern:
Most couples have a connection online plus love at first sight meeting in person. I think it’s the connection online that leads to the love at first sight. If you meet persons one by one without the online connection and without the sincerity of making friends, then you’ll be depressed to see how members move from one profile to the next. Love at first sight relies on the connection or a supermodel face. Most of us are not supermodels!

* Rule#7: While staying online longer to wait for the connection, you should not wait for too long. Why? Because people in person are different than they are in pictures and/or in writing. How long is too long? 3 months is long and 1 year is too long! A short-term dating could have happened and ended, and a baby could have been born!

By 1/3 chance, in person, people will appear – not as good as, the same as, or better than they do in their pictures. If you filter people based on their pictures, you’ll miss 1/3 chance meeting awesome people; your chance of meeting disappointing ones will be increased to 50{6cfcd0bdce77e89f6643114f1e6c62d79211dd6f899a492316d2f6e8299594ce}, and the other half is rarely awesome.

The more disappointed you’re, the more fear of meeting people you’ll have, and the more people you’ll filter, therefore, you’re stuck to a vicious circle.




** You should upload a recent picture that resembles the recent you in terms of everything: your hairstyle, your glasses, your shape, and your dressing style … exactly the way you’ll look like when you show up to your penpals the first time. If you don’t have a recent picture, try to find a chance to take one.

If you upload the best picture of you, people will be more likely to be disappointed when you show up in person, since you can never be so perfect all the time.

If you’re better at writing than talking, you should really avoid only uploading your best picture, because your writing beautifies your image on other people’s mind, and you actually raised other people’s expectations of you.

We’re all ordinary people. Overall most people are not so much better than other people. We just have the differences. What kills is the unrealistic expectations.

** No matter how recent the picture is taken, people in person are still different, because people in person are in 3D (a lot more than a still image) – voices, laughs, moves, smells, manners … The enchanting part of meeting people in person is that the person’s whole image is integrated and you can appreciate it effortlessly, while online, the image is pieced together by your expectations.

Pictures can be deceptive; it’s not even the person’s fault. The person does look like this way in all his pictures. If it were to blame, then blame the camera.

** This is probably the reason that people try to avoid long distance ones. The risk is the same, but the effort is different; people tend to feel more disappointed when the unfortunate 1/3 happens, and they tend to blame the distance. It’s also about expectations; the expectation is increased along with the distance and effort.

Meet people before you fall for them, otherwise the risk is the highest, simply because your expectation reaches the highest.

** If you’re not in a good shape, I’ll suggest you not to hide the truth. Because the other people will keep this in mind when meeting you, and the outcome might be more positive than you expected. Otherwise, the disappointment is unavoidable and will be increased. It’s also about expectations; hiding the truth increased the differences between the expectations and the truth.

** People do have different tastes/preferences.

It’s all about preferences and when both preferences match, it works. It’s that simple and difficult! High self-confidence and being popular don’t necessarily bring you success. Being yourself and the good luck bring it to you.

Don’t worry about your looks; don’t miss out your chance with your match by altering your basic information including your pictures, age, shape and height.

Don’t filter people by their pictures; they may turn out to be awesome.
Don’t let the disappointment defeat you; it only has 1/3 chance.

Good luck!

What’s It Like to Meet a “Penpal”


When you meet someone at work or at a social gathering, whether to make friends with him is based on the whole image of this person: his looks, his voice, the way he talks, walks. Topics fall into some kind of superficial common interest, e.g. the occasion and the task etc. In this way, each type of person has the equal opportunity to become your friend. Your phone conversations and regular interactions at work will naturally help develop this friendship. What’s more, during emergencies, both of your presences, even just to lend a hand, will enhance this friendship. In a word, this kind of friendship is traditional, tends to be firm and real, because you experience hardships and share happy moments with your friends and hug them for real.



Penpals are different. The differences stay and gradually fade away when you finally meet and continue corresponding and meeting your penpal.

On the Internet you’re more likely to meet people who are “like-minded“; especially for those introverted persons who are better at expressing themselves in writing, the Internet presents a better stage for them. When you meet a person online, you don’t know what he looks like, how he talks and moves. You saw a profile and the person has something in common with you then you started to correspond with him. In this way, you get to know a person in the opposite way, that is, from inside to outside. Some may never meet.

What’s it like to meet a penpal

The tough part of penpaling is when the penpals eventually meet. It’s never like what was imagined. It’s not about being “good”, “bad”, “better” or “worse”; rather, it’s about being “different“. Why different? It will take you some time to connect your penpal’s previous image in your mind with the real one right in front of your eyes.

In addition, as I mentioned before, some people are good at writing rather than talking, therefore, when you meet, you will probably wonder whether you have met the wrong person who was so poetically expressive in email but who has trouble handling a smooth conversation face-to-face.

Some penpals find it difficult to meet one another; or even if they meet it’s hard for them to meet frequently due to the distance. Thus, penpals usually sound less real because they can’t show up when you are in need, neither can you. Two hearts are so close while they are so far away from one another.

Penpal vs Friend = Book vs Movie

I would like to compare those two experiences to reading a book and watching a movie based on the book. Making friends in real life is like watching a movie first then reading the book and usually people don’t read the book after watching the movie, unless the movie is literarily excellent; penpaling is like reading a book first then watching the movie based on the book. The chance is when you want to watch the movie it means the book is good enough and when the movie ends, you mutter, “I prefer the book”. Are the book and the movie the same? Will you be able to make ONE image out of the book and the movie?

TV – > Book

I had these two similar experiences. One was when I watched the TV series “Pass by Happiness” and then read the book “Happy Style”. I have to say, the TV series is better and the producer is obviously a more literary person.

Book – > Movie

I watched Bridge to Terabithia after I read the book. I prefer the book a little bit more because the movie didn’t reflect the most important part of the book – the main character’s thoughts. It’s as if you met your penpal online then you met him in person with the pre-conceived image of the person in your mind. The chances are that the person would never be as talkative as in his email.

Penpal – > Friend – > Real

Anyways, as long as the person is super, to connect the image in your mind and the one for real is still an enchanting experience, as you gain two persons/friendships overnight and this forms a perfect and entire image of the person.