Figuring out how to tell your best friend you love her (or like her) is tricky territory. This isn’t just some random girl you met online or at a bar. When you realize you want to take a friendship to a romantic level, you may worry that:
- Your confession will make the relationship take a turn for the worse.
- You will lose your friend.
- You will get rejected.
It’s understandable that you’re worried about these things. But suppressing your feelings is only going to cause you more anxiety, which ultimately sabotages you I have gotten a lot of questions from my male clients on how to deal with romantic feelings for a friend. That’s why I created this article, which includes 13 tips on how to tell your best friend you like her.
How to Tell Your Best Friend You Love Her, Like Her, or Have a Crush on Her
Don’t Tell Her If…
When it comes to figuring out how to tell your best friend you like her, honesty is the best policy. Also, you only live once. Both of these things are prime reasons you should absolutely, without a doubt, figure out how to tell your best friend you like her.
However, there are a few instances where you shouldn’t tell your best friend that you have romantic feelings for her. For example:
In these cases, it’s better for both of you to keep your feelings to yourself and explore other options.
Remember That Actions Don’t Always Speak Louder
When it comes to figuring out how to tell your best friend that you like her, remember that actions don’t always speak louder than words.
You are not an acquaintance. And you are not simply her friend.
You are her best friend. This is someone you are vulnerable with, who has your back no matter what and that you can totally be yourself around.
In this case, your affections can go unnoticed. Looking at her a little longer than usual, hanging out alone and going above and beyond for her aren’t going to tell her that you like her. She is simply going to think that you are being a good friend.
So don’t show instead of telling. You need to actually sit her down and tell her how you feel about her.
Let Her Know You Need to Talk to Her Privately
Find a convenient time and a private place for the two of you to talk. Call her or talk to her alone briefly when the two of you are together to arrange this.
Don’t make it overly dramatic or super cryptic. If you do this, she’ll worry that you want to get together to tell her that you have a terminal illness or something.
Simply let her know that it’s important that you and she get together because you have something you want to talk to her about.
What to Say
Say something like this:
“Hey, when are you available this week or weekend? I have something I want to talk to you about. Don’t worry! It’s nothing bad, but it is kind of important so if we can get together sooner than later, that would be awesome.”
The place you choose to talk to her can really depend on the two of you. Obviously, as best friends, you’ve already hung out enough. There are private or semi-private spots you can pick based on shared interests.
I would suggest, if you two are into it, picking a place with natural surroundings. If you both like to hike, it would be great for you to take her to a trail, sit down and talk there. The foliage will naturally ease your stress and can make the confession less scary and more organic.
Of course, you are going to be anxious about this. That’s completely understandable. But remember this…
It’s Bad to Keep Things Inside
Bottling up emotions is bad for your health.
If you like your best friend, you need to tell her this. The longer you avoid telling her, the more preoccupied you are going to be with these romantic thoughts.
This rumination can affect your stress levels, seep into your professional life by distracting you at work and just make everything a bit more challenging.
I know that making this kind of confession is scary — terrifying even — but it’s going to feel way better in the long run if you express your feelings now.
Remember You Don’t Want to Be Left With “What If?”
That’s the worst.
Remember that the longer you spend wondering how to tell your best friend you like her (and ultimately procrastinating when it comes to doing the damn thing), the more likely you are to miss your opportunity.
If you don’t make a move, another guy will. And if she starts dating someone, you’ve missed your opportunity, only to be left wondering if things would have turned out differently had you said something.
Accept That You Might Get Rejected
Being rejected is probably the scariest thing about telling someone you like them. But you need to accept that this is a possibility. Even if you do get rejected, however, it’s still important that you take the plunge and tell your best friend that you like her.
You don’t want to deal with the dreaded “what if?” and, as it turns out, getting rejected is actually a good thing because:
- It increases empathy.
- Getting rejected leads to growth and opportunity.
- As painful as it is, rejection makes you stronger. Being stronger means you will be able to handle other challenges life throws your way.
- The lows make you appreciate the highs.
Accept That This Will Change Your Relationship
Other than the idea of getting rejected, I’m sure that the prospect of altering the state of your friendship is a scary thought.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you. Yes, your relationship is going to change after you tell your best friend that you like her. Once you introduce romance into a friendship, things change.
If she reciprocates your feelings, great!
But if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, things can get awkward. Your interactions aren’t going to come naturally like they did before. She’s also going to feel really bad about hurting you, which is going to make it difficult for her as well.
But ultimately, this is something that can also make your relationship stronger, even if it has to stay platonic. The test of a true friendship is facing challenges together and being able to work through those challenges.
Don’t Ever Believe That You Made a Mistake
If you get rejected and face later awkwardness after figuring out how to tell your best friend that you like her, it’s definitely gonna suck at first. You may face feelings of extreme regret and wonder if you made a mistake.
Don’t ever allow yourself to truly believe that you made a mistake. You didn’t. Being vulnerable in this way is a source of pride. It takes strength. The fact that you are even reading this article, deciding how to tell your best friend that you like her warrants a pat on the back.
It is a lot easier to avoid things instead of making changes. But with change comes growth and maturity.
Her rejection simply means that your best friend simply isn’t currently meant for you romantically, but that you are taking one more step toward finding the person who is.
De-stress Before You Tell Her
Prepare to de-stress yourself before you tell her you like her. Considering taking a yoga class, doing some meditation or deep breathing exercises.
In fact, any type of exercise can help you de-stress before talking to your best friend.
No matter what, you’re going to be nervous, and that’s ok. But practicing some self-care will help you get in the right head space.
Now the time has come.
You want to be open, honest and vulnerable when you tell your best friend how you feel about her. At the same time, you don’t need to be super dramatic and proclaim an undying love for her like you’re auditioning for a romantic comedy or something.
No matter how she feels, this is going to be huge news for her. It’s going to be overwhelming, so don’t add to this by making this confession seem like a life or death situation.
Tell her how you feel and also let her know that you don’t want to lose her as a friend, for your friendship to change, and that no matter how she feels, she is extremely important to you. Doing this prevents any speculation on her end over whether you truly value her as a friend or if you were only friends with her so that you could get her into bed.
Here’s an example of how you can frame the confession:
“I wanted to let you know that I’ve developed feelings for you. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to damage our relationship or make things awkward, but I have to be honest with you. You’re amazing and I’d like to explore taking our friendship to a romantic level. I know this is a lot to take in, so please don’t feel pressured. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand, but I didn’t want to keep this a secret from you and wonder ‘what if?’”
There are a few different ways she may react to this:
- She may turn you down because she doesn’t feel the same way.
- She may be so surprised that she will need some time to process things and figure out her feelings.
- It may actually turn out that she feels the exact same way about you.
Below are ways to deal with each of these scenarios.
If She Doesn’t Feel the Same Way
You’ve figured out how to tell your best friend you like her. But she doesn’t feel the same way.
It’s going to be painful, but you need to accept the rejection if she doesn’t feel the same way. Thank her for her honesty and let her know that your value of the friendship hasn’t changed.
If you need to take some space from her and time to heal, don’t feel bad about keeping your distance temporarily.
Now that you know that a romantic relationship isn’t going to happen, it’s time to move on.
There are plenty of women out there in the dating world who are compatible with you, even if you don’t realize it.
One of the best ways to open yourself to opportunities in the dating world and find success is by Mega Dating.
I used this method during my 100-date experiment, back when I was unsure if love even existed. It led me to a career as a dating coach and also helped me find a fulfilling, compatible relationship. Years later, the man I met at the end of my experiment is still my boyfriend. I found romantic happiness through Mega Dating and you can too!
What is Mega Dating?
Mega Dating is a dating strategy that involves going on dates with several different people at the same time in order to diffuse your energy by keeping your social calendar full.
This dating process has nothing to do with being a “player” or trying to sleep around with tons of women. It is simply a way to get to know a lot of different people at the same time. By doing this, you are able to improve your dating approach game (practice makes perfect, after all). It increases your chances of finding the right woman FAST.
When you Mega Date, rejection is easier to handle and you’re less likely to get caught up in the chase. This is very important because getting infatuated with one person can be emotionally taxing, particularly when you end up in the friend-zone.
And when women see that you’re keeping your options open and refuse to chase them, an unconscious sense of competition emerges. Basically, Mega Dating amps up your appeal. You may even notice your best friend experiencing a change of heart if she initially rejects you and then sees that you’re not going to just wait around for her to reciprocate your feelings.
If She is Unsure of Her Feelings
Maybe you tell your best friend you like her and she is completely caught off-guard. Perhaps she never even considered the idea of you two as a couple.
In this case, patience is a HUGE virtue. Let her know that you understand this is surprising and she doesn’t need to decide what she wants immediately. Obviously, you don’t want to wait for ages for her to make up her mind (see Mega Dating), but give her some space.
Don’t get clingy or blow up her phone in the interim. If there are mutual feelings there, she is much more likely to give the idea of you and her as a couple a shot if you’re patient.
If She Likes You Too
Obviously, this is awesome. You don’t want to go in expecting this to be the result, but it can definitely happen.
If she likes you too, then you can start dating and see where your relationship goes. But tread carefully here. Remember that, even though you have known her a long time, standard dating rules still apply.
Don’t Hop Into Bed With Her
When two best friends agree they want to take things to a romantic level, it can be tempting to jump into bed.
After all, it’s not like you need to go through the typical getting-to-know-you phase of a relationship, right? You’re already there.
The thing is, there is a big difference between knowing someone as a friend and knowing someone as a romantic partner.
You owe it to each other to enjoy a courting period and actually go on some dates before bringing sex into the equation. You’ve waited this long — why ruin the excitement that comes with anticipation?
Follow My Dating Blueprint
As a dating coach for men and expert in this field, I developed a fail proof blueprint for the first three dates. This blueprint helps you pace a new relationship appropriately in order to determine if there is long-term potential. Here’s the plan I recommend for the first three dates:
- First Date: It should be something that is less than an hour and does not exceed $15.
- Second Date: This date should be active and free. Consider something like hiking or visiting a museum. Event brite is also a great place to find free events.
- Third Date: This is the date where you can have a nice, intimate dinner. The third date is often when you will end up sealing the deal.
Need Individualized Guidance?
Whether you want individualized help on how to tell your best friend you like her or anything else related to dating, I’m here for you.
My individualized dating action plans have helped men around the world find lasting love.
Want to get started? Head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today! During this intro call, we’ll discuss your dating goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching or matchmaking programs could be right for you!